Unapologetically Yours, Lexi

Wanted: A Vacation

2012-02-01T19:48:00.000-06:00

It appears as if the true meaning of vacation is lost. When I stated today that I needed a vacation, it was answered with a "Why's that?" Vacations help you recharge, breathe some new air, gain new perspective at times. When I'm then met with no real response, it tells me this:

America, what is going on? I value hard work and success, but I also value my health and well-being. I think lately I've been forgetting what it feels like to be AND feel truly healthy. Should I feel that tied to my career that I can't do anything for myself or with my family?

Having Jovie made me realize that above all, my family comes first. My selfish days are done and now I'm accountable. That means bringing my A-game to my daughter and husband ALL THE TIME and I have not been doing that. Time to make some changes. LEEEEEEEGO!!

Ruined Birthday Surprise

2012-01-28T11:58:00.000-06:00

ManLosch has a birthday coming up. On Tuesday in fact. I was struggling with the perfect gift and I finally thought of it: A weekend trip to Dallas to do a specific architecture walking tour and a night in a hotel suite so once we put Jovie to bed, we can sit out in the living area and watch TV without waking her. We'd also do other family activities like going to the hotel pool, and see a few other architecturally significant places (a sculpture garden by his most favorite living architect, Renzo Piano).

Sounds good for the archinerd right?

Well last night as we were getting Jovie ready for bed, he started flipping through one of many XXXX-Large architecture books (ones that cause us to carefully divide them in boxes because when moving, they all can barely be lifted). He blurts out, "Man we need to get to Dallas so I can see this building" and points to the sculpture garden (or maybe it was something else). He then starts going on about how he was hoping to get there this year since Dallas isn't terribly far in the overall scheme of traveling WITHIN the state of Texas.

I gave him the evil eye and then just smiled. Busted. He said, "What?? What's wrong?" So I caved. It's easier to plan weekend trips when the boy knows about it, so I told him my plan and he felt AWFUL!! He apologized and swore up and down that he didn't know, and I know he had no clue. But it's kinda funny how he's still able to read my mind just a little bit more than I'd like at times.

He is currently excited about these potential plans and has fully taken over. I guess it's not such a bad thing. Happy Early Birthday ManLosch.

Best Thing Said All Week

2012-01-25T19:25:00.000-06:00

While I was talking to Ryan yesterday, I explained that I thought God had forgotten me (loooong story people, you'll get the unedited version another time). He said, "No he didn't." I asked, "Well why am I in such a shitty place right now? Nothing feels like it's going right." I explained how there a lot of people in the world he has to talk to and maybe he forgot about me too. I asked why he can't just make everything happen to ensure we can live happy lives like he wants us to.

Ryan's response? "Lex, God is not a micromanager."

Brilliant.

Losing Myself

2012-01-23T19:30:00.000-06:00

Ya'll.....I've lost it a little.

I've lost alot of who I am over the last few weeks and it's taking me a bit to figure it all out before I can truly write something with substance and direction. I'm a bit in survival mode and all I ask from you, dear readers, is a little bit of love and strength.

Much love. Be back soon. :)

Forever Lazy

2012-01-10T21:14:00.000-06:00

I fell culprit to yet another "As Seen On TV" product. The most recent product was the Snuggie, if you remember that December. Now....it's like the Snuggie on steroids. It's the "Forever Lazy."

YES. I wanted it. And I joked about wanting it with Ryan and he refused to get it for me.....

Until now....

Ladies and Gentleman....the Forever Lazy. This thing took FOREVER to get here, but this was part of my birthday gift. People, this thing has a hood. This thing even has a butt flap zipper so you don't even have to take this bad boy off. It has pockets and it came with matching slipper socks. Now, Ryan ordered pink for me but they were out of stock. When you order, it comes with two of these things. So when I opened the box and saw 3 boxes, I was thinking, "Oh I got a third one."

Nope.

These angels sent me A SNUGGIE for waiting so long and not being able to send pink. So I have 2 blue Forever Lazy's AND another Snuggie. I own 3 Snuggies now.

The ONLY thing that is questionable is the "Lazy General's Warning" which is coming from "P.J. the Koala" (their fun fact is that koalas are the laziest animal on the planet..is this true?). The warning is:

" If at any time while wearing the Forever Lazy you start to experience feelings of energy and/or ambition, please seek medical attention immediately!"

Uhh...there's no disclaimer on that. Now if you know Americans, like I know Americans (and I KNOW me some Americans), some asshat is going to call 911 in a panic because he/she started "doin stuff" instead of being lazy. So in hindsight, placing this on the box was probably not a very good idea.

I have an extra one, anyone wanna party?

New SNL Favorite

2012-01-09T19:53:00.002-06:00

I'm a bit in love with this...

I Want To Change My Name

2012-01-09T19:38:00.000-06:00

If this guy can change his name, then so can I.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/06/beezow-doo-doo-zopittybop_n_1190410.html?ref=crime&ir=Crime

Um excuse me, did you say your name is Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop?????? Shut the f*&! up please.

You may now all refer to me as LeLo Dingleclop-di-doo-dop McNaglefirshen. Thanks. And I will respond to nothing short of that name.

In Which I Become A Hater

2012-01-08T12:01:00.001-06:00

Beyonce gave birth last night to the new queen of the world, Ivy Blue. 'Twas a C-section. Ok. Great.

Jay-Z and Beyonce rented out an ENTIRE floor at a NYC hospital and she checked in under a pseudonym. Clearly that did nothing since we all know their biznazz. But an entire floor? Millions of dollars for an entire floor? If you need that much privacy, just have the doctor come to your palatial apartment/mansion/rodeo ranch. I'm going to hope that other women needing to give birth didn't get turned away for this. Or I'll hope that it's really just a rumor. But either way....yes I fully admit that I'm a HATERRRRR. I drank the haterade and it is good. Compared to my birthing experience, which yea I spent 16 hours without food and with the knowledge that my kid was about to wreck some shit up....who WOULDN'T want the red carpet rolled out for them? This kid is going to be even greater than the coming of Suri Cruise. We hound their private lives for a glimpse of what it might be like as them or even as their offspring.

But do I really want to know? Because I'll just see that their kid is dressed in really expensive onesies while my kid is in Carter's...and not even SEAN CARTER's. (I do love me some good sales at Carter's though, not gonna lie). There's the hint of jealousy, there's the "I wish I had a bajillion dollars to provide for my family."

But at the end of the day, the only pictures floating on the internet of my beautiful little girl will be because I posted them there, not some ignorant fool trying to run me off the road for a picture. My middle-class lifestyle (if that) suits me just fine. My car works to get us to work and lets us have fun on the weekend. Jovie gets to experience daycare without a flood of stories out about her ("Breaking news! Jovie stole Mikey's toy while he was crossing the classroom. What are Ryan and Lexi teaching her at home?!") and we get to sit on the couch like most Americans after she's in bed and just enjoy the rest of the day.

And still.....I hate.

Of Thee I Zing #1

2012-01-06T11:29:00.000-06:00

So Laura Ingraham has a thing it seems with anything on television that is not affiliated with Fox News. Is the worst in television really Victoria Secret's commercials, talking baby commercials, and erectile dysfunction commercials? I don't think it's as bad as it appears. Now don't get me wrong, seeing the latest VS model walking a runway for new lacy lingerie doesn't make me feel COMPLETELY beautiful, but everyone looks good on tv. And I don't have money for a personal trainer and chef, so my post-baby body, even a year from birth won't look that good. But some women do look that good. And it doesn't bother me that they're on tv. And I won't let me child watch enough tv to truly get into those types of commercials, soooo what's the big problem here? Sex sells. Always has. Always will.

And come on! The e-trade baby is just funny. It's funny because trying to figure out what your baby is thinking or trying to say is frustrating enough. So to see a baby performing adult business transactions is funny. That's all it's meant to be. Unless your kids (the kids you have without being married, Ms. Roman Catholic) were talking right out the womb. Mine wasn't. So I find this, and probably always will, entertaining. It makes me no less stupid or human.

Dudes also need a little help sometimes. All commercials for ANY drug are awful if you want to go that route. Yes, it may be selling sex, but who doesn't enjoy good sex? But then can't that be said for anything else? By selling rheumatoid arthritis medication, aren't you selling a pain-free existence? An anti-depressant is selling happiness and peace. It's not a big deal. If your kids are up watching it, that's the parents' fault right there. Control what's on the television. But advertising helps sales. Period.

I'll save my rant about more television she hates for #2....

So many problems with this....

2012-01-05T16:17:00.000-06:00

I received an email from YouTube today. I mean, I completely believe that this is totally legit:

kisusu843 has sent you a message:

see this man...

To:101mattlewis,123jessy100,

Anonymous04321,CarynAlive,Ches4107,DistractedWhiteDude,KeepStrummingAway,KidwithSmurf,KiruWolf2000,MarcoXMiddlesex,Pin33appl3,TheSafyann,TheTroypay018,cr1mec0mmit3r,gastong16,holyangel117,msamb37,paulinabajka,sfl702,todclare

howdy mate there bud,

how are you, i was just looking at your videos and i love them.
have you ever thought about getting noticed ? i can give ya a
tip that wud get ya started its a site that you can get as many
video views as you want. i love it and my friends are after getting loads
of views off it..here it is.

subs4subs.com

you shud deffintly check it out.

paddy

Let me start off by telling you, that I changed the link so you wouldn't click on it (because someone would) and get sent somewhere or spammed or whatever. But yes, that was the email sent above. Let's dissect this shall we?

Look at the people it was sent to. "Distracted White Dude." "Kid with Smurf." C'mon. Add in all the ones with random numbers and things that don't make sense and there's no EFFIN way I really believe this email right out the gate.

"Howdy mate there bud?" Please just stop now.

The videos I have posted....I can get noticed? So all the videos of my baby learning how to do shit can get noticed?? Right. You asstard, you haven't even looked at them (or am I calling an automated computer an asstard?). Plus only other people with young babies care about those or my kid's grandparents. So no, not even America's Funniest Home Videos worthy, but thanks for noticing.

Your attempt at the spelling of "would" is "wud." I can't even begin to tell you how ignorant you are. Then the nice little doozy at the end... "shud" and "deffintly." Paddy, let me ask you, did you make it past the 3rd grade?

Paddy, if you send me your real address, I'll mail you my kids' "My Baby Can Read" books and DVD's that my mom gave us. That might help you with the English language and also to realize that YOU AREN'T REAL.

I Met a Book I Did Not Like

2012-01-04T13:43:00.000-06:00

Hello readers! Instead of 2012 being the Year of the Dragon, it will hopefully be the Year of the Book. I had the small luxury of reading one book over the holiday break. And let me tell you....I did not like it. Very rarely do I come across a book I don't at least have a little bit of "eh" for. Perhaps it wasn't so much the book, as it was the author writing the material with her smug sense of self. The book was titled "Of Thee I Zing" by Laura Ingraham. Now, I'm not into politics at all but I quickly learned her agenda and whose team she was playing for (political team people). This book is her stab at the current state of American culture and pop culture. She really does cover everything. I will admit that there are some things that I did agree with her on, like dressing babies up to look like "prostitots" as she called them. But her views were just way too conservative for me.

So over the course of the next few blogs, I wanted to address the many things in her book that I DO NOT agree with. I hope you'll read a few of the entries, as they might pertain to you, something you've experienced, something you want to yell about because you don't agree, or maybe you do!

I'll be posting shortly on the specific topics I wanted to discuss from her book, so keep a look out!

On Why I Can't Ever Take Cutesy Pics of Jovie

2012-01-03T16:31:00.000-06:00

You all know what I'm talking about. All those photos people take of their infants in their birthday suits. They are wearing pearls or a tie or whatever, and nothing else. Perhaps taken on a sheepskin rug or something of the like to make them look all cute and warm and fuzzy.

See, I can't get down with that. Yes, it's cute when other parents do it. But Jovie? I can't. I have the perpetual fear that Jovie will piss all over the rug or take a massive baby poop. The girl pooped RIGHT on my leg when she was immediately born, then peed all over me for my birthday 2 weeks later. Then she blew out her diaper on me multiple times. Literally on me. So no, I do not trust her to be all quaint and cute for some photography session. And I'm fairly sure the owner of the studio would not want to take back their props soiled with last night's dinner. So therefore, I settle for any other random shot we can get of her.....and they usually turn out just fine. :-)

Haiku in the Key of Employment

2012-01-02T12:01:00.000-06:00

Heading back to work
I wish I had more days off
Now what do I do?

Austin Children's GermPit....I mean Museum

2012-01-01T13:53:00.000-06:00

Hello 2012! I forgot to mention what Jovie and I did last week, way back in ye olde 2011.

I took JoLo to the Austin Children's Museum a few days ago after we met Ryan for lunch at his job. We get there and I already knew that a child 12 months of age or older would cost $4.50. Which I STILL think is a bit steep for a kid who JUST turned 1. We're in line and I easily could have lied about her age. It's not like she's husky or anything. The woman behind the counter asked me how old Jovie was and I smiled and tried this:
"Oh, she JUST turned 12 months about a week ago! Isn't that crazy?"
Her response??
"That'll be $4.50 for her and $6.50 for you."
Whore.

See what I get for being totally honest? Anyway, we walk in and there's a tiny tiny area called "Rising Star Ranch" which is made for 2 year olds and younger. This is what I wanted for Jovie anyway but when we finally got there, I about did a double take with how small it was. It was NO ranch indeed. It was more like a closet. While doing activities in said "ranch," here is what I learned:

1) Other moms who breastfeed gravitate only to those other moms who can whip their tits out in rising star ranches. You get placed in one of these weird and awkward social situations (almost an experiment) because you're in an enclosed space and you are chasing your toddler around. I tried to come out of my shell and be that mom who can talk to anyone, but these 2 skanks completely looked at me like I was beneath them because I could not contribute to their breastfeeding conversation. Don't get me wrong, good for you if you can breastfeed. I did for a few weeks IF that, and Jovie was stubborn, it didn't work for us. She is PERFECTLY 100% fine and healthy from her bottle and her attachment to me is normal. I don't need to be made to feel as if I'm not part of an elite club. I then moved to a different part of the townhou-I mean ranch.

2) Oh god, who didn't change their kid's diaper? It smells like poo all up-oh wait......oh god...that's my kid. OHMYGOD that's my child cropdusting all over this place. Once they are really eating ALOT of food and table food, those diapers can fill up one right after the other. I didn't possibly think it was Jovie because she was JUST changed about 30 minutes prior. Oh it so was. And the only way to keep her still is by asking her to "help me" by holding the powder while I change her.

3) The hipster with the 30 keys, square glasses, and plain wife were about the coolest people there. No judging on appearance alone. Their 15 month old Ira was the most adorable baby, they were down to earth, and we were laughing about all the things our kids do, like waving to people AFTER they leave already. Ira also hobo hops and I got to witness it. It was even more fantastical watching an older kid do it.

4) I will always be a protective mama bear, even if yes, that means giving someone else's kid the stank eye because he ran up, stared at Jovie and stole the toy she was playing with. Uh hello, it's not cute. My kid had the yellow ball, your kid can have the green one. Make him wait. Because the next time it happens, I will tell your kid to pick another toy. Because it did happen again. And I did say it and gave the ball back to Jovie.

5) Hey macho dad there with no ring on and a year old son with your compression shirt, Nike's and work out pants! You brought a bookbag full of toys, even though we're at the museum, and positioned yourself strategically among the young moms. Wrong place to pick up ladies amigo. Try a less hippy museum.

6) No matter how much you want to believe that the toy your kid just put in her mouth wasn't recently in some other kid's mouth, it's a lie. It was in EVERY SINGLE ONE of those kids' mouths. And no parent decided it was dirty enough to place in the "Sanitize Me Please!" box. I placed a good number of toys in there until I realized...we're at a public daycare. Whatever, at least she's not eating someone else's snot or ringleading mischief like she does at daycare.

So will I go back? Hmm....I think that's questionable. I may bring Ryan so he can see it and decide if it's a place worthy of a 3rd visit, but I want to be around parents of all kinds in a bigger space. I will readily admit that based on 1 visit each alone, the Boston Children's Museum was MUCH better.

Peace Out 2011

2011-12-31T08:58:00.001-06:00

University of Miami @univmiami

Be proud of all you have accomplished this year #CanesFamily. Here's to an even better new year

This was a tweet from my alma mater. I thought about it. What do I feel that I accomplished this year?

Not a whole damn lot that's for sure. In fact, it's been a fairly terrible year. I retract any earlier statements about looking forward to 2012. I am "cautiously optimistic" about it. We'll see.

Me and JoLo

2011-12-28T07:44:00.000-06:00

It's just me and the baby today. One on one. Baby vs. mama. In a battle against her dad, she usually wins (sorry Ryan). But I'm a bit more stubborn. Today is going to be interesting.

But I'm also going to take her to the museum. We can do SO MANY ACTIVITIES TODAY! (first person to correctly guess what movie I'm referencing here wins a hug)

So what should we do??

Tearjerker

2011-12-26T19:47:00.001-06:00

I know. You never know what it'll be like when your parents join Facebook. But I love the fact that my mom is finally hip to technology.

A friend from high school, ok let me rephrase...a brother from high school passed away 2 weeks ago. I've been questioning alot since then and sending pictures of memories to my best friend and other brother since then. As I'm scrolling down my mom's posts on her page, I see this that I didn't see before:

Dear Alonzo,
I have so many great memories of you in my home back in Lexi's room.
You guys solved a lot of problems in that room. You were funny and didn't care what others thought of you. I admired that about you. Rest in peace my friend and I will miss you!! Mama H.

Yep. I about cried. Alonzo, I love you so much and I miss you. I hope you're settled and finally at peace.

Haiku in the Key of Christmas

2011-12-22T14:11:00.000-06:00

Christmas, you are here
No shopping has been done yet
Does Best Buy still ship?

Missing Hand Jesus

2011-12-19T13:45:00.000-06:00

I walked into our guest room the other day to work on some crafts. I glanced on the dresser and there was a little statue of Jesus I had never seen before on there. Naturally, I freaked. I mean, cmon, you'd freak too if you walked into a room and saw a random statue of Jesus in there. I look even closer, and oh wait, Jesus is missing a hand! The hand is in a small, clear box right next to him. This just kept getting better.

I go to the top of the stairs and this conversation ensues:
Lexi: Uh, Ry.....there's a Jesus in the guest room.

Ryan: Yea, my mom brought him down this past weekend.

Lexi: Ok, that's all well and good, but he's missing a hand. And the hand is just in a box right next to him. Why is Jesus missing a hand??

Ryan: I think I was playing in my room as a kid and he fell off a stand or something; the hand broke off.

Lexi: Hm, ok. Still very strange. I mean, Jesus isn't strange, but the random Jesus popping up out of nowhere is strange.

Ryan: Yea, my mom mentioned it to me over the phone before they came and I guess I forgot about it. My grandfather gave it to me so I suppose she brought it for this trip.

Lexi: Okay....that's fine. I just needed some more background info. I think you'd freak too if you walked into Jovie's room and a mini Jesus statue was suddenly judging you from her dresser.

Clothes are Family

2011-12-16T12:36:00.001-06:00

Sometimes I take surveys online. I happened to take one recently about apparel. I know NOT MUCH about apparel besides the fact that I still do not fit into my pre-pregnancy apparel. However, there's a point in the survey that's asking about a specific store. Please just view the statements.....because they're a smidge on the ridic side.......

Ann Taylor Loft......I'll be in tears if you ever leave me!!!

Lord.

To my Jovie

2011-12-14T20:28:00.000-06:00

Baby girl,

I don't even know where I should start. It's like a love letter but for a toddler I suppose. Jovie, I can't believe that you are 1 today, can you? No, because you won't remember this. You put us through so much this year that I don't even know where to begin. You were stubborn from the start.

We didn't want to know if you were a boy or a girl. We waited patiently. But I had so many emotional outburts during my pregnancy that I should have known that you were a girl. You were a drama queen from the start. You were born at 6:03pm. 7lbs, 2oz, 19 inches. You stopped breathing 10 minutes later. You fought breastfeeding and then food altogether. Wasn't quick enough, wasn't good enough. You were a diva.

Turned out that the early feeding issues were linked to reflux and a milk allergy. We had a rough go JoLo. I suffered. You suffered. I screamed and cried all through your first month and I couldn't wait to go back to work. I was convinced you hated us. I should have trusted my instinct with you all along and taken you to the doctor for tummy troubles. But we went, and you were a new baby.

You started to grow, develop...turn into a true infant before my eyes. I was so attached to you I would barely let anyone hold you for longer than a few seconds. Went back to work and it was nice being back, having adult conversations but oh, the pain of missing your warm body.

Jovie, I moved you from Massachusetts to Texas to provide a better life for you. So we could afford to live the way we wanted. You're in daycare now and thriving. We're rebuilding again. But you're so strong and resilient that you've handled every change with as much grace as a 1 year old can have (which is barely any...baby grace I suppose). We get comments all the time about how happy you are and how smart you are. And you make me proud each and every single day.

Baby girl, today you turned 1. And as you sleep soundly in your crib to awake to just another December day tomorrow remember this: I have never been more proud of anything in my entire life than I am to be your mother. You make the world go 'round for me and your father. You make my bad days whole again. You make me feel accomplished and that I'm leading a purpose-driven life. You are my purpose, you are my love.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Love always,
Mama (or in your own speak, "Mum mum mum mamamama")