I Want To Change My Name

If this guy can change his name, then so can I.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/06/beezow-doo-doo-zopittybop_n_1190410.html?ref=crime&ir=Crime

Um excuse me, did you say your name is Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop?????? Shut the f*&! up please.

You may now all refer to me as LeLo Dingleclop-di-doo-dop McNaglefirshen. Thanks. And I will respond to nothing short of that name.

So many problems with this....

I received an email from YouTube today. I mean, I completely believe that this is totally legit:

kisusu843 has sent you a message:

see this man...

To:101mattlewis,123jessy100,

Anonymous04321,CarynAlive,Ches4107,DistractedWhiteDude,KeepStrummingAway,KidwithSmurf,KiruWolf2000,MarcoXMiddlesex,Pin33appl3,TheSafyann,TheTroypay018,cr1mec0mmit3r,gastong16,holyangel117,msamb37,paulinabajka,sfl702,todclare

howdy mate there bud,

how are you, i was just looking at your videos and i love them.
have you ever thought about getting noticed ? i can give ya a
tip that wud get ya started its a site that you can get as many
video views as you want. i love it and my friends are after getting loads
of views off it..here it is.

subs4subs.com

you shud deffintly check it out.

paddy

Let me start off by telling you, that I changed the link so you wouldn't click on it (because someone would) and get sent somewhere or spammed or whatever. But yes, that was the email sent above. Let's dissect this shall we?

 Look at the people it was sent to. "Distracted White Dude." "Kid with Smurf." C'mon. Add in all the ones with  random numbers and things that don't make sense and there's no EFFIN way I really believe this email right out the gate.

"Howdy mate there bud?" Please just stop now.

The videos I have posted....I can get noticed? So all the videos of my baby learning how to do shit can get noticed?? Right. You asstard, you haven't even looked at them (or am I calling an automated computer an asstard?). Plus only other people with young babies care about those or my kid's grandparents. So no, not even America's Funniest Home Videos worthy, but thanks for noticing.

Your attempt at the spelling of "would" is "wud." I can't even begin to tell you how ignorant you are. Then the nice little doozy at the end... "shud" and "deffintly." Paddy, let me ask you, did you make it past the 3rd grade?

Paddy, if you send me your real address, I'll mail you my kids' "My Baby Can Read" books and DVD's that my mom gave us. That might help you with the English language and also to realize that YOU AREN'T REAL.

Clothes are Family

Sometimes I take surveys online. I happened to take one recently about apparel. I know NOT MUCH about apparel besides the fact that I still do not fit into my pre-pregnancy apparel. However, there's a point in the survey that's asking about a specific store. Please just view the statements.....because they're a smidge on the ridic side.......



Ann Taylor Loft......I'll be in tears if you ever leave me!!!

Lord.

Maybe Fly List

Okay, I'm sorry, but I HAVE to rant about this. So I'm sure you've all heard about the guy who left the car bomb in the middle of Times Square which started Saturday. He also drove a different car to Times Square before that as his getaway car, but left his keys in the bomb car (wow, dummy). Anyway, on Monday, he boarded a flight to Dubai and was arrested there.

Here is my number one issue with this story.
He was on the NO FLY LIST.

If homeboy was on the no fly list, HOW THE FUCK DID HE BOARD A PLANE?!?! How did he even get that far? And hi, did anyone think it was strange that he paid for his ticket in cash? Yes, well finally, someone thought that was odd and contacted airport security about it, but he was still on the plane. He paid for his ticket in cash, even when his name was on the no fly list at that point in time.

Please everyone. I really need you to get it together. That is NOT excusable. That is NOT ok. That is NOT the goodies. I am a tax paying American, I do my due diligence, I do what I can to help others. Why can't I pay you to make me feel safe? Wait, I WAS doing that but you were just failing at your job for the time being.

Major fail. Rant over.

C'mon Fox

Dear Fox Network,

Why are you being ridic lazy right now and not showing any new episodes of the Simpsons or Family Guy?

Oh wait. I thought it was 8pm and it was only 7:30, so I've been watching a re-run. Oops. Well this doesn't excuse Family Guy. This is ridic. What else am I supposed to watch on Sundays?

On a different note, this also applies to Comedy Central moving "Important Things With Demetri Martin." It was moved to like 12:30am instead of 10pm. Please pass my note of "this is just ridic" along to Comedy Central too.

Thanks cutie,
LaLosch

Flip Flip!

ManLosch got me a Flip for my birthday and I've been having way too much fun with it. I will post a video soon that I think I took on my actual birthday. It's of my best friend Marcus and I singing "To Be Real" out loud. Like really loud. And I was drunk. It's real bad.

Actually....let's just include it now.
Enjoy! Or laugh out loud. Or cry.

So My Wife Thinks She Can Dance

I watched Tuesday night's "So You Think You Can Dance." There's the part right after the dancer does his/her solo where they give you the phone number to vote for your favorite dancer.
So on this season, a married couple has made it to the Top 8. They've never danced together, but they are ballroom dancers. The wife, Ashleigh, had a slipped shoulder or something. It fell out during rehearsal for a Bollywood routine. So she couldn't perform, BUT they are letting America vote for her anyway. The husband, Ryan, just did his solo, right? He was dancer # 8. And the host always lets the dancer say their number. She she says, "To vote for Ryan, call 1-866-Tempo-0_"

He says, "1. Please, don' t forget Ashleigh, she worked so hard....please vote for her, she really deserves your votes. I love you baby."

WHAT?! DUDE! This is a competition. Your number was 8. Tempo08, not 1. You're still competing against her, and you tell America to vote for her, AND YOU CRIED WHILE YOU SAID IT!!!

Totally ridic. Sorry man. You're stupid. Your wife's arm is in a cast. Take advantage of it!!! Ridic.

Damn You Karma

ManLosch and I went to the mall today. Even AFTER I said "We aren't going to participate in Black Friday," we participated in Black Friday. It wasn't that bad though; we went a little later and went to Rhode Island to shop. :)

So anywho, we're in a shop and I'm about to purchase an item, and ManLosch looks down and says, "Hey someone dropped a dollar." We were like "Hmm ok." Then we were like "Well it's a dollar, we'll just pick it up." Holy crap, it was 1 dollar PLUS 99 dollars. Someone dropped a $100 bill in the store. We practically shat our pants. So I said, "So do we give it to someone?" He said, "Well it's cash. If we give it to the front to ask the store, EVERYONE will run for it." So we lingered in the store for an extra 15 minutes looking for anyone who looked like they lost something. No one. Nothin'. So I checked out and the woman asked "Do you want to donate money to St. Jude's Childrens Hospital? I didn't hear her and ManLosch said," YES. YES YOU DO. JUST DO IT."

So we walked out and I thought, "Well what do we do?" I called my mom and asked her. We weighed every possible option. Cash...in a mall....during the holidays. Really? So we went to the police and asked them and they said, "HA! Merry Christmas...take your lady out for a nice dinner. It's cash. There's not a whole lot you can do about it. But you also don't find alot of people who would have said something or thought about it either."

Soooo in the end...we're $100 richer. But I still feel like I didn't balance out the universe correctly, ya know? It wasn't mine to begin with, but maybe we were meant to find it. I was also told it was a trap. So who really knows? What I DO know, is that we aren't spending the money on ourselves. We found it, but that doesn't mean we should necessarily keep it.

So welcome to my 2nd giveaway of the month. Just comment on this blog about what you'd do with $100 for the holidays and you'll be placed into a random drawing for a $15 Target giftcard. The rules? You have to be a follower, there needs to be 10 or more comments, and the last day to comment will be December 8th (I'm giving a little extra time because of the holidays and the lack of keeping up with posts).

Hopefully karma won't kick my black ass for this. :)

To Whom It May Concern

10/15/2009

To: Ms. Mother Nature
From: Lexi Losch

Re: Today's Weather

Dear Ms. Nature,

I am writing in a complaint about today's weather. At 6:45am, I was instructed to look out of my bathroom window. I was told that the precipitation falling out of the sky was white and of the flaky substance, also known as "snow." I was under the impression that it was still only October, and that we were just getting used to the drop in temperature and watching the leaves change beautiful colors of orange and red. I was not prepared for snow. In October (just like I wasn't prepared to see a tape of a mom freak out on GMA this morning when her baby in the stroller rolled right off a train platform, onto the tracks, and the train ran over the stroller with said infant in it; the baby was ok though, if you were wondering...considering this is neither here NOR there and not your department).

I just wanted to ensure that there were no computer malfunctions this morning. I was thinking maybe your servers went down and it caused a glitch in your nature system. Maybe the timestamp on your system is incorrect, and it says December or January. I was hoping that this was just a tiny error and that you and your staff will be working diligently to correct this problem.

Please let me know if you need any other information supporting this complaint. I hope to see this resolved within the next 24 hours.

Thank you for your time,
Lexi Losch

Dinos in Disguise

I had a dream last night. I'm about to share with you the dream I had. And when I share this dream with you, DO NOT LAUGH LIKE MANLOSCH DID IN THE CAR.

So I totally dreamt that I was in the 3rd Transformers movie. It was "Transformers 3: Return of Jurassic Park." So yea. "Jurassic Park" essentially found it's way into the "Transformers" movie and there were alot of explosions, ripped tank tops, and guns. I was the Shia LaFluff (except totally looking like Megan Fox) in the movie. This is why dreams are great. I got to have the body of Megan Fox. Score.

I got to drive Bumblebee and the LoschDog was my sidekick. And we drove around town shooting bad dinosaurs and kickin' ass against T-Rex. LoschDog was actually really bright and would hand me my weapons and bullets and shit. Then Optimus Prime came out of nowhere and we started kicking ass like we were best friends from around the way. T-Rex trying to bite my arm off? That would be one swift Optimus Prime punch to the dino face. Booyah.

So I tell ManLosch my dream right? And he busted out laughing in the car. I told him to stop, that I really had this dream, and it was really really cool at the time. I said "You know what? My dream had all the elements of a Michael Bay movie. Just you wait. WAIT." He laughed some more at the ridic-ness of it. Fastfoward to dinner; we had one of his friends over to hang out. We're enjoying my awesome brisket and I decided to tell ManLoschFriend about my dream. And guess what?

He thinks it's an AWESOME idea.

You hear that Michael Bay? I just came up with your next movie. And it was easy. You can pair up with Spielberg again and hire me to play the hot chick who knows how to punch ponies and kick ass.

You can just write that check out to "LaLosch" Mike. Thanks.

The Name Game

I went to get breakfast at Panera this morning because I worked the early shift at work, in addition to my normal hours. 7am is too early to really eat breakfast I think, so I walked over to get a breakfast sammie at about 8:30am.

I gave the woman my order. She asked for my name. I said "Alexis."
(I never give Lexi because I can only IMAGINE how they would butcher up the spelling of that)

She said "Uh, I'm just going to put 'Alex' ok?"

B*$ch did I SAY my name was Alex? If I wanted my friends and family to think I crossed over to being a male, then yes, Alex would have been MORE than appropriate. Why can't you add the extra two letters? Do 2 extra letters cost more money? Would I get taxed more? Would I get less cheese on my sandwich because of the extra effort of adding the "-is" to my name? Would you expire and fall onto the cash register because you punched in two more letters?

Panera, PLEASE. Everytime I go there anyway and give you Alexis, you come up with these doozies:
Alexes
Lexis
Elexis
Aleces
Lexus
Alexia
Alexys
And there have been others.

Stop the madness. Srsly.