This little scenario also is from last Sunday's Mass. Every good story comes from going to Mass (Not Massachusetts, I mean like Catholic people Mass, ya know). We were barely on time this week, but they hadn't started. There are always people who stand at the front handing out the mini song booklets before you choose a pew. Well I walked in and the one standing in front of me, the one in my line of travel, was the troll. Yes. I'm awful. I know that already and I already probably have a first class ticket to hell. Not only that, I'm most likely the pilot. But I digress.
So there's this woman thing that I call "The Troll." I mentioned to my husband a few times about a year ago, that this woman looks evil. She always looks mean and she's always always always nosy. She can't stay turned around during mass to mind her own damn business, AND she waddles. Yes siree, she waddles! So she looks a little like this (she also walks like that too if you've seen this):
Her hair isn't much longer either. So I'm in her line of sight for her to give me the song booklet and she IGNORES ME!!!!!!! WTF?! I kind of gave her a dirty look behind her back (yes, in the church) and another man gave me the booklet and smiled. The troll has given me the eye before and this time, she crossed me. So whatever, we find a pew. Mass starts. It's actually quiet this time, no screaming kids, nothing.
THEN....the screamer and the pleather pants come in, late. The screamer is about 2 years old. The pleather pants would be the mother who actually, SERIOUSLY, wore pleather pants to church. The screamer then proceeded to kick the pew and scream "NO" very loudly. This caused the troll to turn around and look and cast her evil glance at the pleather pants. The pleather pants also had a son who looked about 6 or 7 but old enough to know that his sister, the screamer, was already an embarassment to life itself. I continue to watch this dynamic throughout mass, because what else am I going to do, listen to the homily? Yea ok. So the pleather pants finally got tired of the yelping and grabbed the screamer and walked her outside of the church and left the poor son looking helpless. Pleather pants and screamer return; the troll ends up being a Eucharistic minister and I pray that she doesn't give me my Jeezit (my prayer worked by the way). The screamer then yells out "NOOOOOOOO NOOOOOO NOOOOOOO LEAVEEEE MEEEEE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" I then noticed that the screamer no longer had on her left shoe. The pleather pants could not take the embarassment any longer, grabbed her son, grabbed the screamer, sans shoe, and leaves Mass. Didn't even get her cracker. And the troll looked somewhat satisfied.
You could hear the screamer from the back. You could hear her through the door. Both doors. I secretly wondered if the woman chose a different pair of pants, maybe things would have turned out different. If I were to assign percentage points to determine a winner, the troll wins, unfortunately. Because the troll is not a nice lady. She had THAT LOOK on her face when the pants and screamer left. She ignored me. We'll see what happens next time I go to Mass, but I can't let her win out again. Hopefully the screamer returns, armed with a better arsenal of weapons.
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