And the week isn't even over yet!
I went to Mass on Sunday. Yea, all my stories somehow go back to Mass. I got hit on at church in front of my husband. I named him "Tippy." He looked like a Tippy. He gave me the eye and smiled. Then he waved at me. Tippy was 2 pews in front of me. Then he tried to give me his dad's watch. Oh yea, did I mention that Tippy was about 2 years old? Yea, so he kept waving and then some hobag 18 year old girl and her mom sat in between us. He started flirting with her!! He also tried to give her his dad's watch. I was heartbroken, until he hit on me again. Once he started chewing on the pews though, I realized it wouldn't work out. Tippy just wasn't on my level, ya know? I forgot about Tippy once I went to communion. I got my Jeezit and went to get the wine (which one of my friends thinks this is the worst thing ever) and the lady was out so she directed me to the other wine dealer. I went to him and as I was tilting the Blood of Christ into my mouth, I saw it.....
Yes. It was a soggy piece of Jeezit floating in the B.O.C. I almost shat my pants. It was too late at that point so I just let it briefly touch my lips and I moved along. I looked back at Ryan and tried to tell him "Nooo" in slow motion. Like, "No don't do it, its bad, its tainted with someone elses backwash Jeezit" but it was too late. I tried though, no one can ever say I didn't try to help my fellow man.
The week isn't completely over, but I'm just talking randomly about all the crap that's on my mind. Like how much I hate the Mohegan Sun commercials. They are awful, and I ESPECIALLY hate the one that is sung to the tune of "Hold the Line." The woman in it bothers me, she's atrocious. It's on the same level of the Eva Mendes manhands, but I can't seem to find a picture of this woman. Soon hopefully.
I've also decided that when I have children, my first child's name will be Beevil John. Yes. BEEVIL JOHN. Am I aiming to send my kid to therapy? Yea, kinda, there's nothing wrong with it. Think about it. That's all. Don't be judgemental.
Beevil.
So... that means we never made a bet where you had to name your first born after me? Or was it to give it to me? Or was I supposed to give you mine?
ReplyDeleteWe should write these things down.
1. you should let tippy tap that.
ReplyDelete2. that's what's wrong with you catholics! sharing shit. i don't know where yo mouf been at! when i did go to church we had individual shot-like glasses. now, if they were clean or not...that's another question for another day.
3. beevil john. that child will definitely be going to hell. BE EVIL JOHN. wow. way to go, lex. he will surely be my nephew! :)