I repeat, NO I'm not interested

Sunday, March 15, 2009
Around 2:30pm-ish
Offender: Barnes and Noble employee(s)

Offense: Let me provide you with a background story first. (In Miami, Barnes and Noble was usually my choice of book vendor. They were usually in a place where I happened to be when out for the day, so I would make a special effort to make my way to B&N. Because of this, I signed up for the Membership, which was $25 for the year, which provided me with significant savings. It was worth it then. Ryan and I then moved to Boston and he signed up for a membership at the Coop for $2 and he gets money back at the end of each year for savings. We also go to Borders. I also now go to the Boston Public Library because the library here is awesome and it's free, so I like saving money. Therefore, we did NOT renew our B&N membership.)
This past Sunday, we both decided to buy a few books at B&N. I bought 3 and Ryan bought 2. We checked out separately because if we didn't, it would have been $100 or more on someone's bank card. No biggie. I go to check out first and the employee starts to ring up my purchases. She then says "Do you have a Barnes and Noble membership card with us?" I replied "No I don't." She says "Hmm. Well you should sign up for one, you'd save money today." I said "I don't want to, but thank you." What happened next scared me a little and if you've seen the movie "Coraline," this woman turned into The Other Mother. She then says "WELL YOU'D SAVE AT LEAST $8 IF YOU SIGNED UP FOR ONE!! I don't understand why you aren't signing up for one." (Just like The Other Mother didn't understand why Coraline didn't want buttons sewn into her eyes!!!) I looked at her stunned, swiped my card and said "Um, I don't want one. Can you check me out please?" She then rolls her eyes and says "Ok, FINE. That'll be $48.75. It'd be alot less if you signed up for a membership." I cut my eyes at her, put in my pin, took my books, and said "Thanks, have a good day!" I walked back to Ryan who was checking out at this point and I walked into a conversation he was having with the other B&N employee. The employee was saying "Well why don't you give me the phone number of a relative, a friend, anyone. I bet they have a card." (The employee apparently said to Ryan before I walked over: "I KNOOOWWWW you have a Barnes and Noble membership card. I just know you do." Ryan said "Uh, no I don't and I'm not interested.") So as he was asking for a phone number, Ryan said "No. No one I know. No one. I just want to check out." The guys says "Well you'd save-" I cut in and said "No. Let's go. Cmon. We have to go." Ryan swiped his card as the guy was saying "Well you would have saved some money today." He took his books and we hustled out the store. We got outside and literally both said "OH MY GOD!!!!! Did you HEAR that???!" We ranted about it for a good 5 minutes, deducing that we don't go there enough to make the savings for the year worthwhile, that the woman was an extreme, expired douchebag, and that we were violated.

Verdict: Both employees are guilty of "Membership Pushing/Dealing" and must serve 6 months in the Boston Public Library learning how a free membership to a library saves money and makes people smile. Also, 1,000 hours of community service at Panera, learning how to make my breakfast sandwiches the right way.