Popes & Planes... nothing like Boats & Hoes

Last night, while watching "The Daily Show" (I wasn't watching, so much as staring at the tv) with Ryan, Jon Stewart started talking about The Pope. And I saw The Pope (The Pope? the pope? the Pope? Pope-man?) getting off a plane. This was only the beginning of the strange conversation I then started with Ryan.

I asked him, "Do you think The Pope gets frequent flier miles?" Ryan looked at me blankly and said, "What? Huh?" I said, "Do you think that The Pope gets frequent flier miles? Who buys his plane tickets? Do you think that after earning so many miles he gets a free flight, considering he jets all over the place?" Ryan looked at me almost in disbelief, but smiling, and said, "Um, babe, he's THE POPE. He probably has a chartered plane. And The Vatican pays for it." I said, "But he got off a plane that had the "OneWorld" sticker, which means he flew the OneWorld Alliance, which means maybe he was flying American or Iberia or something else. So he was on a plane with people. So he should get to redeem those miles at least when he's done with being The Pope." He said, "No. He can't be. He's The Pope. And he's gonna be The Pope until he dies, so he can't ever redeem the miles." So I paused.....and THEN said "What name is on his frequent flier miles? "First name, The, Last Name, Pope?" Ryan laughs and says "No! He has a name. It's Benedict." I said, "Well, does it say Pope Benny? Mr. Pope?" He looked at me and sighed. He said "The Vatican pays to charter a plane. So I don't think he can get frequent flier miles off a chartered flight."

I shut up for a minute. Then I kept it moving. I said, "Does the President of the United States get frequent flier miles?" Ryan looked at me like he wanted to shoot me. He said "Lex, he has his OWN plane. He gets his own plane. Period." I said "But The Pope gets a chartered flight, and it's still not his own plane. He flies the regular planes." He said, "But he gets Air Force One. It's the President's plane." I said, "Well I thought ANY plane that the President flew on would be considered Air Force One. And why is it called Air Force One?" Ryan, at this point, was getting fairly exasperated. He said, "Because the Air Force operates it. They are a military branch of the U.S. They control airspace. Hence, Air Force One. You know what, why don't you ask YOUR BROTHER! He's in the freaking Air Force."

I then said, "Well if The Pope is technically the head of his own country, and the President is the head of the U.S., how come Benny doesn't get his own plane? Would they call it 'Pope-moplane? Air Force Jesus?" Ryan then starts researching this information online. He then tells me, "I don't think it's the Pope-moplane. But here in America, apparently, it's called 'Shepherd One.' " I looked at him in disbelief, and then said "Well I think it should be called Air Force Jesus." He pauses and then says, "No. It should be Air Force Son.......................................................................................................................................................... OF GOD!!! HA! HA! Get it?" Ryan is very big on the lame puns, which is a quality, after almost 6 years, I've come to accept and love. So I said, "No, that doesn't flow." He argued, "But it HAS to rhyme with ONE. And SON rhymes with ONE. Air Force Son, and then you have to have this big dramatic pause and then say OF GOD! Get it?! Oh man, that's awesome."

So after all of this, I realized our conversation made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Which prompted me to add, "Do you think that The Pope gets reward points at the Supermarket?"