I Want A Hug...

...but NOT with this:

The Hug-E-Gram

ManLosch informed me that this is what he was getting me for Valentine's Day. It wraps around your body, with those freakishly stuffed Mickey Mouse-type hands. In the video, it even shows a dude using it at WORK. REALLY?! Someone ACTUALLY thought this was a good idea??

Snow Day!

Well, half snow day. We were released at noon. And the snow didn't really start until later, and even now, it's off and on.
What have I done since I got home?  I ate some nasty KFC (and when I say nasty, I mean oh so good because it's oh so bad for me), took a nap, read some of my magazine, slept, and watched the Verizon dude plop around our apartment for over 3 hours trying to fix our TV Guide/Widgets thing. So about 7 people and 50 resets later, it's FINALLY working. His name is Jason ladies and I don't know if he's single, but he does have dogs and has a great sense of humor. We do have his personal business card now too. I think he became a Losch today.
(and yes, I AM pimping out the Verizon guy....it's EXACTLY what it sounds like).

On to more productive things...like cooking, reading more blogs, and hopefully starting some writing tonight. :-)

I Have A Prompt!

I have a writing prompt! So ok, you know how I'm now a Grub Street member? Well I get their weekly emails too, and I noticed that they are having a writing contest. It's called The "Grub Gone...Blue" contest. I can submit a piece of fiction, nonfiction, or poetry, 600 words or less, related to the theme of "blue." So I have to decide what "blue" means to me. It's due Friday February 26th. What do you think????

I'm excited to try it, I think I might. Anyone have any ideas?

Pooh Bear and The White Man

ManLosch and I went on a Jamaican food adventure last night. We waited longer than normal, as 4 black men were conversing very loudly about what they MIGHT order, but still hadn't ordered yet. Behind them, was a white dude who seemed nervous enough that he walked into a Jamaican food restaurant with his Screech-esque sidekick. BMAC is "Black Man At Counter."

• BMAC: Man, I can't wait to get this home and eat! I'm so hungry! (long pause as his other friends shuffle about).
• Me(to ManLosch): Then he needs to hurry the hell up so I can put my order in....
• BMAC: Pooh Bear, Winnie the Pooooooh Bear........
• Me: Ryan, PLEASE tell me you just heard that.
• ManLosch: Heard what?.
• Me: That dude was just singing the theme music to Winnie the Pooh Bear. A grown ass black man. In a restaurant. With 4 of his friends.
• ManLosch: (holds in laughter)Uhhh, NO! I didn't hear that. Ha!
• WhiteDude: (he's next to order and says to the server)Ummm I don't really know how this works....how do I order?
• ManBehindCounter: Just tell me what you want.
• Me(after we finally order and leave): So beyond the Pooh Bear interlude, I've discovered...white people need black people as wingmen.
• ManLosch: WHAT?!.
• Me: White people can't be trusted to know how to navigate things like soul food restaurants, rap concerts, etc. Ya'll need us. Think about it. I introduced you to all of these things, but TOGETHER. It reduces the level of awkward for both parties.
• ManLosch: Hmmmm, I see your point.
• Me: The same can be said for us. We need ya'll so we don't get arrested when trying to attempt certain things. We need you guys to help us navigate white people shit.
• ManLosch: Like skiing?
• Me: EXACTLY.

LoschDog Vs. The Bone

My little old man likes rawhide. And this is what happens when we give him a bone to chew on.

New Digs

Check the new digs. I'm trying it out. Tell me what you think. Or not. :-)

Mr. Bucket

I know you bitches remember Mr. Bucket. Why did I ask 2 people, including ManLosch, about it but no one remembers Mr. Bucket. When you think about it now, that game is SO WILDLY inappropriate for kids..."I'm Mr. Bucket, the balls come out of my mouth....." So is the only reason I seem to be the only one who remembers it? Was I a "balls come out of mouth" kinda kid? Hmmmm.....

Lexi Catches Up On TV

ManLosch teaches a studio on Wednesday nights, so I'm left to my own dangerous devices when I get home from yoga. I decided to finally recap all the TV I've been watching to tell you what I like, don't like, and what I think never really deserved to breathe period (speaking of breathing, some dude was heavy Godzilla breathing in yoga tonight):

Lost: I think Sayid is now Jacob. Or Jacob is Sayid. Whatever. I like Lost. Thumbs up from me.

Heroes: Eh. I don't really watch it that much anymore. I stopped a few months ago, but I did watch the latest one to catch up. Still not drawn in. And apparently Milo Ventimiglia is all strokey for a reason. Yea, I think he had one. Anyway.

Better Off Ted: FUNNY SHOW. I don't think alot of you bitches even know what that is. Go look on ABC.

Grey's Anatomy: 'Nuff said. My favorite show. Seriously.

What's on the DVR to watch? : The Simpsons, Be Kind Rewind, and Alice. Hmm. I think it's time for some new tv/movies, ya'll. Any suggestions?

"Why" Is Dangerous

I ONLY typed in the word "Why" and this is what Google thinks I'm asking????????

My favorites? The last two. Wow people. Wow.

Swift and Crappy

That about sums up what I saw of the Grammy's last night. It should have been called the Shammy's. Or the Shitty's. Okay, I'm going to stop. I've got just a few things to say about it.

The Grammy's do NOT need to be a 3 1/2 hour event. Really? C'mon. Also, was that REALLY the best you could do for Mike J? Like really, you got some singers to come together at the last minute to represent a UNICEF card while they all sang his Earth song? Oh, and the 3-D? AWFUL. I almost threw up from watching it. Mike J needs a better tribute than THAT last minute effort.

Jamie Foxx. Eh. I've heard that the girl who came on stage with Down Syndrome twerkin' it was your sister. I damn sure hope so. Otherwise, let's have a chat.

Taylor Swift. Ok. Let's get something straight. I don't like you bitch. You suck. You get on my nerves. And most people don't like you. So how in the sweet Lord's name did you win Album of the Year???!!? Oh right, I know. Because Kanye interrupted you at the VMA's and placed your sweet little ass on the map. You should have thanked Kanye for that award.

And I'm out.

Creepy People Magnet

I think I've figured out my purpose in life. Jesus placed me on this wonderful Earth to be a creepy people magnet.

So I'm waiting for the bus tonight right? I had just come from downtown to get my hair done and get the last birthday gift for ManLosch. I'm reading while I'm waiting and all of a sudden someone starts talking to me. And it's the dude that collects the shopping carts at Shaw's (grocery store up here). I see him usually when I'm walking to and from the car and I'll normally give a smile and a wave. He's a little....slow? I'm not even sure that's the right word to use. So anyway, I'm reading and he notices me and says hi. I smile and say hi and try to go back to reading. He asks me "Are you reading for class?" I said, "No. I just like to read."

Long awkward pause.

He then says, "I don't know how to read." I think, WHAT? Huh? Wtf? Ok. Okay, am I being tested here? He continues to tell me about how he can't read or really write, but he's taking classes for that and his dialect. From here on out, he told me his entire life story. He's from Africa. His mother and his sister are nurses. He also wants to be an actor and takes acting classes.....

As I retold this story to ManLosch, he laughed and said "Wait, he wants to be an actor? How does he read the script?"
Exactly.

Wait, he's also a back-up dancer. He takes dancing classes in Waltham. And he likes being around educated people. And he likes to draw in his spare time, when he's not working at Shaw's or taking his dialect/reading/writing classes. Or when he's getting a haircut for his Open House for his classes tomorrow. He's also writing a book; it's his life story. And he's acting in a movie about Obama right now and when it's done he's going to give me a copy (and no, I have no idea how he's writing a book about his life if he can't read or write.....)

He talked to me for 20 minutes while waiting for the bus and the ENTIRE bus ride home.
SERIOUSLY. I'm a magnet.

Fantastic Four Airlines

::Watching the craptastic Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Junk....Okay just Rise of the Silver Surfer; we're watching the end where they are in their fantastic Fantastic Four-mobile flying through the air, trying to catch VonDoom and then..........::

ManLosch: "Well that beats flying AirTran."

Lovely Day

And by lovely day I meant "Lexi had a shitty day." And by shitty day I mean I wouldn't feel bad if I tripped a baby climbing onto a pony while I punched the pony trying to save a family of 5 from a burning building.

Do you ever wonder how a good day just spirals into a shitty day without warning? Yea me too. Let me know when you find the answer please.

But the thing that actually made my day? HEARING a woman fall in a store. She was trying on fuchsia high heels (yes fuchsia...because they weren't pink OR purple) and all of a sudden, it sounded like the wall shelf came down. I was like "Who dropped the shoessssss ooooooooo. Wait..." Homegirl was face down on the floor!! Everyone ran over to her and said "Oh My God! Are you ok?" And if you've ever seen the video "Scarlet Takes a Tumble," it was ALOT like that. AAAAHAHAHAHA.

That made my day again. :)

Lex, She's Only 7!

This is how I apparently see the world....and this is why I don't let ManLosch go places without me.

• ManLosch: Some little girl was just creeping around me at the bus stop. Then she asked me "Is that a real Coach bag?" But then she just moved away. Then I noticed she's wearing Coach boots, but I'm not sure they're real the way the toes are peeling.
• Me: Awww. Maybe they r real and just worn. Little black girl?
• ManLosch: No, she's not. After I texted you, she did kick the wall, so maybe they are just worn. Now she's asking about my phone. She's sweet and harmless.
• Me: Be careful. How old?? She might be someone distracting u while someone comes to jump u. And I'm being serious.
• ManLosch: Ha. No, she's with her mom and sister...probably six or sevenish...just chatty.
• Me: Is that bitch flirting with you??????
• ManLosch: Ha...no because she was doing the same thing to another woman. Just talking to anyone who'll listen.
• Me: So she's a hopeful kid whose dreams haven't been smashed yet by the world of people who will ignore her as an adult??
• ManLosch: Sure...ha.

February 2, 2010

LOST FINAL SEASON. Next Tuesday.

This is epic (as Kevin on The Office would say). I love the show, but I'm also ready for it to end, unlike most people. I need answers. And I got tired of all these ambiguous loose threads. We're ready for some answers J.J. Abrams.

I don't care if you've never even watched the show. If you don't watch this final season, Smoky will come get you and drag you back to the island.

Up in the Air vs. Up in the Air vs. Up in the Air

Have you seen the movie "Up in the Air" yet? I saw it back in the middle of December.

It was AMAZING. I absolutely loved it. ManLosch and I went with another couple (T& Eddie) when we were in Miami. We walked out and Eddie said, "MAN! That was depressing." I said, "I loved it!" Maybe because I ride the pessimistic wave of life, I tend to relate to things like that. Either way, I loved it. I loved it so much that I had to read the book. "Up in the Air" is based off the book by Walter Kirn with the same title. I bought it 2 days later.

I NEVER say that I like the movie better than the book....but the book SUCKED. Maybe it's because I was expecting something closer to such an awesome movie, but the only things that I felt matched were the characters names and the main characters job. That was about it. The relationship between George Clooney and Vera Farmiga's characters were COMPLETELY different from the movie to the book. I was not feeling the book...which is a big surprise for me.

Now the soundtrack? Tramazing. I love it. As ManLosch would call it, "Hey, I like that hippie crap you listen to."

Why You Should Watch "It's Always Sunny...."

Waldo, you disappoint....

here's to the future... i need to be fearless.

Ariana Muffington

So my amigo J at work likes to call me Arianna Muffington now...because I write...and somehow, we got into a conversation about the fact that Scott Brown has a muff. Don't ask. Just see our online conversation below(some of the conversation was removed as it was not relevant and it was him sending me links for black tacos at Taco Bell).....

J: i may stay late tonight beyootch

this is brittney

Lex: LOL

ok

im here until 7:15, i have yoga

and then im coming in early tonight

J: lol

coming in early tonight?

ya crazy skank

Lex: sorry

tomorrow

shut ur face dirty whore

J: i sent a picture of scott brown from cosmo to beilman

Lex: WHY?

thats mean

J: he has a HUGE bush in the pic

Lex: WHAT????

J: HUGE!

MUFF!

Lex: thats gross

J: lol

i'm going to print it out and put it on your desk

and call you the new blogger "Arianna Muffington"

"the muff post"

Lex: ew

omg

ew

J: lol!

Lex: for someone who likes men, you are obsessed with muff

J: it's a man muff

Lex: what the fuck is a man muff?

J: a man bush

mangina

a "mussy"

Lex: that sounds stank. like basement stank.

J: lol

i sent you the scott brown pic

to your e-mail

Lex: im not opening it now

J: ok

Lex: i'll open it at 5:30

J: that's why i e-mailed it to you

ok enough bush talk

Lex: go do some work

J: peace out Ariana Muffington

Lex: yo mama

Hope For Haiti

I'm watching Hope for Haiti right now. Most memorable things?

Brad Pitt's goat beard, that apparently according to ManLosch used to have a bead in it.
Stevie Wonder saying "A whole lotta littles makes a whole lotta lots." C'mon Stevie.

Now up until Wyclef Jean (who is performing now), this thing has been a DUD. I feel like I've been at a funeral the whole time. Yes, I understand that it's a somber time, but that means it calls for something uplifting! To give me more hope that they're going to find more people alive. Wyclef at least put a little back into it and made me feel the true spirit of Haiti.

Anyway, now onto 20/20, whose biggest stories after Hope for Haiti are teens who work at Starbucks being sexually harrassed at work and Lady Gaga pushing the limits..........WHAT?