(stay tuned for your regularly scheduled blog)
Let's be real, there are just too many times in life where you say, "Screw it, I'm NOT sorry, and I don't care what you think." I'm a mom and a wife, and no I didn't lose all that baby weight yet. Let me entertain you.
(stay tuned for your regularly scheduled blog)
Yes. Shitty Vending Machine Options.
Many an employee suffers at the hands of SVMO. I noticed today just HOW shitty the options are. I was eating lunch in our break room and my friend J (punch-a-pony) walks in. He makes his usual joke about buying the Chuckles.
Yea, we have CHUCKLES in our vending maching. Chuckles. Wtf is a Chuckle ANYWAY?!
gogo Kidz© Travelmate: Because I want my future kid to look like I'm pulling him/her as a suitcase. It boasts a "quick release strap" that allows you to go from carseat to kid-on-wheels in seconds! The "quick release strap" also allows your kid to go from yours to kidnapped in just seconds!!
Trips to Vegas: Because nothing says flying to another destination then me shopping for a trip to Vegas on a completely different airline (I'm such a bitch).
Shit to put in my non-existent garden: Because everyone needs a zombie/meerkat/yeti/lion in a tree/sumo wrestler in their yard. It's that simple. The real question is why WOULDN'T you buy this for your yard? Hmm??
The NeckPro Traction Device: Because I need a device that hangs over a door to "reduce neck pain." So I'm expected to just insert my head into this contraption, that HANGS over a door to fix my neck and other maladies? So when the police come and see a 100lb girl hanging from the door from asphyxiation, no one's gonna question it? Just gonna look the other way huh?
Mailbox Chime: Because I sit at home waiting for the mail to come. No more will I have to look through the mail slot because I'll know EXACTLY when the mail comes. Because I stalk the postman like that. Because I apparently don't have a job and I need to know when all our bills come through the slot.
AND LAST BUT NOT CERTAINLY LEAST........
The Slanket: Because the Snuggie wasn't a rip-off enough. Someone came up with the Slanket. You already know how I feel about the Snuggie, so realllllllly, this shouldn't be a surprise. It's "not your ordinary blanket." DUH PEOPLE! It's a Slanket! And the Slanket comes in 5 colors. Take THAT Snuggie.
Next time you fly, just take out the SkyMall in your seatback pocket. No really, just DO IT, because there's so much AWESOME stuff in there. And it's so much better than reading about the flotation devices in the overhead compartment. Now don't forget to secure your mask before old man Skippy's next to you. Instead, you should secure his neck traction device. I hear it works wonders for that pain in your neck.