Showing posts with label CrankyPants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CrankyPants. Show all posts

05 January 2012

So many problems with this....

I received an email from YouTube today. I mean, I completely believe that this is totally legit:

kisusu843 has sent you a message:
see this man...
To:101mattlewis,123jessy100,
Anonymous04321,CarynAlive,Ches4107,DistractedWhiteDude,KeepStrummingAway,KidwithSmurf,KiruWolf2000,MarcoXMiddlesex,Pin33appl3,TheSafyann,TheTroypay018,cr1mec0mmit3r,gastong16,holyangel117,msamb37,paulinabajka,sfl702,todclare

howdy mate there bud,

how are you, i was just looking at your videos and i love them.
have you ever thought about getting noticed ? i can give ya a
tip that wud get ya started its a site that you can get as many
video views as you want. i love it and my friends are after getting loads
of views off it..here it is.

subs4subs.com

you shud deffintly check it out.

paddy
Let me start off by telling you, that I changed the link so you wouldn't click on it (because someone would) and get sent somewhere or spammed or whatever. But yes, that was the email sent above. Let's dissect this shall we?
 Look at the people it was sent to. "Distracted White Dude." "Kid with Smurf." C'mon. Add in all the ones with  random numbers and things that don't make sense and there's no EFFIN way I really believe this email right out the gate.
"Howdy mate there bud?" Please just stop now.
The videos I have posted....I can get noticed? So all the videos of my baby learning how to do shit can get noticed?? Right. You asstard, you haven't even looked at them (or am I calling an automated computer an asstard?). Plus only other people with young babies care about those or my kid's grandparents. So no, not even America's Funniest Home Videos worthy, but thanks for noticing.
Your attempt at the spelling of "would" is "wud." I can't even begin to tell you how ignorant you are. Then the nice little doozy at the end... "shud" and "deffintly." Paddy, let me ask you, did you make it past the 3rd grade?
Paddy, if you send me your real address, I'll mail you my kids' "My Baby Can Read" books and DVD's that my mom gave us. That might help you with the English language and also to realize that YOU AREN'T REAL.

10 November 2011

OCCUPY Everything Annoying

There's this whole Occupy (insert cause or city here) craze/business going on right now. Protests left and right. So I thought, "Hey, can I protest everytime I feel something isn't right? Can I camp outside a place that I personally feel may be unjust?" Now if the answer was yes...boy....you effer's would be in ALOT of trouble.

1) Occupy Walmart: You NEVER have rollback prices on tampons. Or pads. Or anything else I NEED. But you keep rolling back prices on curtains, pillows, and "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." Right, shit that no one wants. I'm over it. Occupied.

2) Occupy Babies R Us: Just let me use the three 20% off coupons that I have please. If you don't want to take 20% of each item , then stop sending me all these damn coupons in the mail. Occupied.

3) Occupy Starbucks: Your coffee is NOT worth my first born and my soul. Bring down the prices. Dunkin had great coffee too and charged MUCH less. Occupied.

4) Occupy Texas Catholic Churches: The homily is not meant for a tutorial on how to fill out the annual appeal application and forcing me to donate money that I don't even HAVE right now. Also, I'm tolerable of "Respect for Life" month, but when you start comparing abortion to September 11th and the Holocaust (2 different churches mind you), I'm already over it. Occupied.

5) Occupy I-35: Interstate 35 is the worst. It will be the death of me. So because it's congested every morning and afternoon and just generally AWFUL, is it ok if I just stop my car in a lane, turn my car off, and protest? I mean traffic can go around me right? Occupied.

12 June 2009

Random Friday Angry Rant

I'm just having an angry day, so I'm going to rant and be an Angry Black Woman for a minute. Is that ok? Ok great.

Some douche-a-maroo driving a BMW SUV cut me off this morning , thinking that where he had to go was alot more important than safe driving. I remained as calm as I could, but if you cut in front of someone, at least have the courtesy to go the speed limit or FASTER. This made me especially rancid. Know what else made me pissed off more than a bullet in the face Dick Cheney style? The fact that someone driving a Honda Fit actually passed me because I was going THAT slow. So I finally get to work. Know what else has been a constant pisser? People who walk in the garage and have no concept that they are actually walking where cars are trying to drive. People who walk in the middle of the row, even though a set of headlights is coming at them. People who don't look before coming around corners because a car can't see you if another car is in the way.

So I'm at my desk and already having A day. And I start thinking about the fact that I have to get on a plane later. Again (look people, I'm just tired ok?). And I took lunch a little late today (on lunch right now), so I decided to check CNN.com to see all the happenins outside this office. But then I realized. Every single damn airport plays CNN for you anyway. As if thinking about my plane crashing isn't enough, I get to watch CNN tell me about the plane that just crashed into the ocean, or the terrorist they're still looking for. I'd rather watch that reality show with Paris Hilton before that in the airport. Hell, I'd rather watch Barney. Anything other than horrific CNN before I get on an overcrowded, claustrophobia-inducing, phallic shaped load of metal and plastic about to hurtle me to 36,000 feet with crying babies, smelly diapers, stinky people, and the occasional person who likes to talk the entire flight.

Holy sh*t I'm having a day people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

07 May 2009

Shama-lama-ding-dong

I went to yoga last night (hold your applause please). I went to the gym TWICE that day. Once in the morning and then in the evening for yoga. However, I will note that the only reason I ended up at the gym was because we had no hot water at our house and I wasn't going to take another cold shower. So I also rode the stationary bike before showering. Still. Props to me (NOW you may applaud).

So yoga right? We have a new instructor. Her name is Nina. And she was WAY better than the yoga sergeant sub we had last week. Nina was very calming and motherly. She didn't favor downward dog (THAAAANK YOUUU) and reminded us that "this your OWN yoga practice. do what feels right for you." She also played some cool music that was very yoga-ish and made me want to start singing "shama-lama-ding-dong" while slapping my hands on the floor. But I refrained and kept with my yoga practice for 55 minutes. But the two gossipy people (guy and girl) were there that I don't care for (which is my nice way of saying that they can eat dirt) and I got there WAY before they did and they kinda looked at me with an evil glance because I got the spot in the corner in the back (which is where they usually roost). Suck it up Laverne and Shirley and get there in time to put your mats down to save your spot. And moisturize your heels while you're at it Rambo.

I'm also not down with the people who don't bring their own mats. If you all are gonna freak out about swine flu and shit, BRING YOUR OWN MAT. Do you really wanna do Child's Pose on that mat where someone just put their sweaty feet?

Namaste.

29 April 2009

Sharing is Caring...

...or not getting pummeled by 5,840 pounds of steel, plastic, and glass. In other words:



I've tried to be patient. I've tried to just suck it up. But I can't anymore. If you ride a bicycle in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, SHARE THE F*&!ING ROAD!!!!!!! There's even a flashing sign now on my way to work to remind us all to share the road. But I've found that bicyclists love to create their own rules. That they can be a car when they want and a pedestrian when they want. For example, not following traffic lights and weaving in and out of cars causing people to slam on their brakes. You, awful cyclist, obviously can't go the speed limit, so move over to the side of the road as close to the curb as you can. I don't WANT to hit you, but so help me, next time you don't move over and follow the rules, you can expect a headlight hanging from your helmet.

15 April 2009

"Reality"

Dear NBC, ABC, Fox, MTV, and VH1,

Please stop making reality series (except for SuperNanny. Please keep SuperNanny). It's like watching a train wreck. You don't really want to watch what's about to happen, but you just can't help it!
Remember THIS train wreck???
And THIS one??

Ok well those 2 have a common thread, but still! Srsly. I believe that sitcoms still have potential, power, and an active audience. I just started watching "Better Off Ted" on ABC, and you did well ABC. I like it alot. But Fox.....you plan on making a reality show based on people getting laid off?? See that line back there? Yea, way back there. Keep looking. Keep going. Yea, right there? See it? YOU CROSSED IT A LONG TIME AGO.

Please take my plea into consideration. My generation and future generations should no longer be subjected to such hideous displays of "employment." Because it's not really reality. Maybe for some smaller sub sections, but no one benefits from it. Even on Extreme Makeover, these beautiful houses are built to help families in need, but did anyone stop to think about the taxes on these things after ABC wheels away the bus and the volunteer workers???? Thanks for your "donations" Sears and JC Penney, but someone ends up paying for it.

I look forward to discussing with you how we can change the future of television. You can contact me anytime.

Sincerely,
Concerned Viewer