Random Friday Angry Rant

I'm just having an angry day, so I'm going to rant and be an Angry Black Woman for a minute. Is that ok? Ok great.

Some douche-a-maroo driving a BMW SUV cut me off this morning , thinking that where he had to go was alot more important than safe driving. I remained as calm as I could, but if you cut in front of someone, at least have the courtesy to go the speed limit or FASTER. This made me especially rancid. Know what else made me pissed off more than a bullet in the face Dick Cheney style? The fact that someone driving a Honda Fit actually passed me because I was going THAT slow. So I finally get to work. Know what else has been a constant pisser? People who walk in the garage and have no concept that they are actually walking where cars are trying to drive. People who walk in the middle of the row, even though a set of headlights is coming at them. People who don't look before coming around corners because a car can't see you if another car is in the way.

So I'm at my desk and already having A day. And I start thinking about the fact that I have to get on a plane later. Again (look people, I'm just tired ok?). And I took lunch a little late today (on lunch right now), so I decided to check CNN.com to see all the happenins outside this office. But then I realized. Every single damn airport plays CNN for you anyway. As if thinking about my plane crashing isn't enough, I get to watch CNN tell me about the plane that just crashed into the ocean, or the terrorist they're still looking for. I'd rather watch that reality show with Paris Hilton before that in the airport. Hell, I'd rather watch Barney. Anything other than horrific CNN before I get on an overcrowded, claustrophobia-inducing, phallic shaped load of metal and plastic about to hurtle me to 36,000 feet with crying babies, smelly diapers, stinky people, and the occasional person who likes to talk the entire flight.

Holy sh*t I'm having a day people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..but the world MUST know that I....

So since my workplace banned Facebook, I have not been on it as much as I used to. Considering when I get home, I'm usually tired and don't care that 100 of my friends changed the "About Me" section of their pages or changed their Relationship status 3 times in one day. From the times I've logged in, I've noticed a constant. People are falling ill with the TMI disease. If you don't know what TMI stands for, it's "Too Much Information," but honestly, if you're reading my blog, you should already know that (considering that I often offer up too much information about MY life). But I'm talking about pictures of your pee stick when you found out you were pregnant, that Robbie now has the syph because he cheated on you...etc. So I decided there should be a rule book of examples of inappropriate Facebook statuses. Below, you will find some examples of things that fall into the TMI disease category (or anything that may be considered just inappropriate for sharing on Facebook:

Anonymous Male/Female User:
.....is currently taking a dump. And totally ran out of toilet paper.
.....is PREGNANT! Take a look at the proof baby!! (see inset photo of pee stick)
.....is with his/her therapist working out his/her daddy issues. Pass the tissues.
.....is currently being stabbed.
.....is currently being arrested. Post bail ASAP.
.....is wondering why her roommate must be so loud during sex. Honestly, he's not THAT good in bed. TRUST ME.
.....is at his/her grandma's funeral. And she didn't leave me anything either. :(
.....is currently hijacking a plane/robbing a bank bitches! Rock on! (side note: you KNOW at one point in your flying career that you've seen that ONE idiot who never turns their phone off during the flight and you want to shank them so bad. but that's another blog.)
.....has JUST gotten laid. I am AWESOME.
.....is taking an STD test at Planned Parenthood right now. Wish me luck!
.....just farted in his/her cubicle.
.....is waiting for the divorce papers to be signed already!
.....wishes the bank would stop calling for their money. He/she just ain't got it.
.....is up in the gym, just workin on his/her fitness...but just farted on the elliptical.
.....just drank a bottle of tequila while at ::hiccup:: work.
.....called in sick to play football with said homies (note: your boss is your friend on facebook)


If you've seen any inappropriate/TMI statuses on Facebook, or can think of anything that might be just as horrific, please, by all means, leave a message. We will stop these overzealous Facebookers, one stroke at a time.






(I meant one KEYSTROKE you pervs. Like typing? Get your mind out the gutter.)