Why I Call Out Sick

Reasons why I call out sick (and for the record, that was only the SECOND time I've called out sick since working at my company):

• Seeing women named "Cheetara" on Maury. Thundercats much?
• Not having to drive in to work. Yes it's only 2 miles, but the bad drivers are littered along the drive. Very abundant. They drive me insane.
• Watching a woman dry hump Drew Carey on The Price is Right.
• Falling asleep and waking up and it's still daylight.
• Pretending to be interested in soap operas and turn after about 5 minutes of it.
• Tons of soup. Good soup. Yummy soup.
• Watching your dog sleep all day and realize that that's all he does when you aren't there too.
• Crappy magazines that you haven't read because you haven't felt like it.
• Still falling asleep and realizing that it's still only 4pm.

You have to find the great things about the sucky things (like being sick). And a day to take care of yourself is a day that usually can never go wrong.

C'mon Fox

Dear Fox Network,

Why are you being ridic lazy right now and not showing any new episodes of the Simpsons or Family Guy?

Oh wait. I thought it was 8pm and it was only 7:30, so I've been watching a re-run. Oops. Well this doesn't excuse Family Guy. This is ridic. What else am I supposed to watch on Sundays?

On a different note, this also applies to Comedy Central moving "Important Things With Demetri Martin." It was moved to like 12:30am instead of 10pm. Please pass my note of "this is just ridic" along to Comedy Central too.

Thanks cutie,
LaLosch

Is It Possible...

...to be THIS tired???
That's where I've been mostly the last month. I haven't been blogging like I normally do. I've been working alot though. And when I get home, I like to do a whole lot of nothing. Which right now includes not blogging and I feel absolutely WRETCHED about it. I miss you all. Hopefully in the next week I will dedicate myself more to writing. Until then, just know that I miss you and love you.

Smooches,
LaLosch

Pay It Forward

I'm a fan of "pay it forward."  I meant to share this a few nights ago, but oh well, I was too lazy to do it, so suck on THAT.

ManLosch and I went to a book reading/signing again on Saturday night. It was for the author Christopher McSuchandSuch who wrote "Born to Run." Now if you've read this far, you already know that LaLosch is and was NOT born to run and never will be. I can barely walk. So you already know that it was ManLosch's book about the white man running with tribes barefoot (EXACTLY). Okay, the book was a little more than that, but either way, the author was at the Harvard Bookstore so we went (let me also just say that this event was slightly hippie and when I say slightly hippie, I mean there were people who actually wore these to the events):

 

Anyway, by the time we got there, there weren't any seats left but right before it started, this woman walks up to me and says "My husband isn't here yet and I noticed you and your husband were here for awhile, would you like to sit next to me?" So of course I sat and right when I sat, her husband walks in. But she totally let me keep the seat. The reading wasn't half bad either; I nodded off a few times but otherwise stayed awake. When it came time for the book signing, we all got in line and the girl in front of us needed a piece of paper to get some information about some research foot doctor type of person and the author was going to write it in her book, but I ripped a sheet of paper out of my Moleskine (makes me white, I know), and said "Don't write in the book! Here, please take this sheet of paper." He looked at me and said "Wow, I'm so particular about ripping pages out of notebooks like that....that's awesome." Another girl noticed and helped a guy with his camera when he was trying to take a picture but realized the memory card was full. So she helped him figure it out.

I love small acts of kindness towards others. I know I can come across as harsh or one who rants and speaks my mind, but I'm a nice person. I'm a loving person. And one of the things I love the most are tiny acts of kindness towards others. So this week, when you go out, take the extra second and hold the door for someone. Let someone turn onto the major street they've been trying to for a few minutes. Give someone a hug just because (be careful at work..HR and shit). Just have fun and be nice. Let me know how it goes. ;-)

KEmoneysignHA

Unfortunately, I watched SNL last night with the ManLosch. Ryan Phillipe left alot to be desired and oh wait, let's not forget our guest performer, Ke$ha. I think the only thing I did while watching those dreadful performances was stare with my mouth open and maybe laugh at some point.

During the second performance, I turned to ManLosch and said, "Okay, imagine that an 80 year old indigenous tribe member somehow strayed from the group and wandered into the city, tripped on some acid, walked into Michael's for some glow-in-the-dark paint, and then proceeded to find a rave. Got that? Yea. Now take a look at SNL again."

Awful.

Bacon, You're Just Amazing

It's EXACTLY what it looks like.

Yes, it's a bacon tuxedo. OMG.

Yes.

Your Basic Wednesday Rant

Okay, so my driveway opens up to a side street, but the side street intersects with a major road, and I live pretty much right on the corner of this major road and side street. There is also a bank and a Dunkin Donuts right across the street, so there are cars coming out of their little parking lot every morning. Usually it's no big deal.

Until today.

There was a ton of traffic and it was taking me longer than usual just to back out. There is the occasional nice person who lets me back out, but usually everyone is so concerned about themselves that they don't notice or don't care that a car twice the size of theirs is trying to back into the street. So finally there were no cars on the street, just a few cars left in line waiting to turn out of the Dunkin lot so I started backing out, as I HAD been doing. I realize that as I'm backing out, this BITCH is coming out of the parking lot and she gave me the NASTIEST look. Like I shouldn't have backed out of my driveway.

She even kept looking at me as she was turning onto my street, and I couldn't move the car because this whore was inches from mine. So once I was able to throw the car into Drive I pulled up right behind her and she started looking at me through her rearview mirror. I pointed to my driveway and mouthed, "I can back out of my own driveway you skank!" It might have looked like "I ca bah oh my own driveway you stank!" I think I may have mouthed some other obscenities (if ManLosch were there he would have said "Stop it" or "Shh! She could be crazy"). I was not having it this morning. This woman was not the goodies.

Brought To You By The Letters M-V-H-S

Thanks to Marcus, my brother from another mother (even though sometimes I wonder...I think we came from the same mother), for sharing this. Should I silently say a prayer that I got out when I did years ago? Probably. And I'm not so sure that it should be silently. So while we should all be fighting for the content of the curriculum and hiring teachers, instead MVHS gets to worry about the actual SCHOOL being structurally sound......nice.....

http://www.wpix.com/news/wpix-mt-vernon-wall-collapse,0,6698688.story

I will admit, that I let out a loud laugh...maybe in disbelief...

Literary Kind of Day

I got up nice and late today. The intention was to go to Brookline Booksmith to buy some books and then make my way to Macy's to take advantage of the bra sale (because let's face it ladies, buying bras isn't fun but it's gotta be done, even for the Itty Bitty Committee that I'm on), and then go to the Nikki Giovanni event I had tickets for.

What happened? I made it to Brookline Booksmith and wondered why there was a line outside. Oh well, I thought to myself and walked in. I started perusing the Bargain Fiction section and when I look up again, fuckin' CHELSEA HANDLER is staring me in the face. I nearly shit my pants. I guess she was doing a book signing there. But you couldn't take pictures and all she was doing was signing the books. Now, if you know me, you know that I am thin. And I get offended when people tell me "You need to eat a cheeseburger" or something of the like that's very hurtful. I'm naturally thin and I hate it, but it is what it is. But Chelsea Handler is not meant to be stick thin and she looked like someone sucked the cheeseburger out of her and gave it to her bodyguard instead. Her cheeks looked sunken in and she just didn't look as pretty and fresh. I dunno. Either way, the bookstore immediately got crazy and luckily ManLosch met me there before I busted out my Mr. Miyagi moves.

We were both starving, so we got some lunch at Coolidge Corner and then hopped on the train back into downtown to go to Macy's. Well the train broke down right before the Park Street station (which is were we needed to get off, and when I say right before? I really mean like a few feet from the station). I didn't want to push the time, so we skipped bra shopping (oh darn) and went straight to Cambridge, where I bought the Nikki Giovanni book I wanted (but already read) before heading to the event. Her readings and conversation were just excellent. Drool. Even ManLosch enjoyed it and she had everyone laughing and feeling like we were talking to our sistafriend. And the best part? She's amazingly beautiful, signed my book, and let me take a picture with her.

Yea I'm cheesin. SO WHAT?!

Oh yeah, and the bra shopping? We attempted it after the reading with no luck. Tomorrow maybe.

I love books.

Belmont Shore

• ManLosch: Okay, so you start low.
• Me: Huh? (screaming from the bathroom as I brush my hair) What did you say?
• ManLosch: And then you gotta slowly bring it up, you know? Bring it up 'til you pump hard, you gotta own it.
• Me: Oh My God Ryan, are you teaching our dog how to fistpump?!?!
• ManLosch: Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Things I'm A Fan Of This Week

• "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" by Rebecca Skloot: What an amazing read. If you've ever been interested in race relations, science, and/or medical ethics, pick this book up. Very personal, so great.
• Jim Halpert.
• This amazing weather we've been having here in Boston.
• Chocolate Chips (ask Esperanza).
• My amazing superdog, also known as LoschDog

• "Ghosts N Stuff" by Deadmau5
• "That's What She Said" jokes with Ryan
• "The New York" magazine
• Making yummy cookies with strawberry jam
• Sleeping with the windows open, letting fresh air in
• An affectionate cat named Tux at PetSmart

It's Still All Good With Tiger Woods Ya'll

I was listening to the radio this morning in the car (mistake). I was listening to a morning show where they started talking about Tiger Woods and his return to the Master's and some other scandal/affair/sexting/porn star. The guy says, rather emphatically, "Just shut up and play golf! We don't care how many women you've slept with, just play golf now."

Ohhhh ok. So NOW it's ok to stay out of this man's private life? Granted, once you place yourself in the spotlight by becoming a world famous golfer, you DO kinda close the door on having any privacy. But he did ask that we respect this time he's going through with his wife and we didn't. Everyone had their fun and their Tiger jokes completely and ONLY at his expense. No conversation could be had without making a Tiger joke. But now that he's returning, now it's alright to stay out of his life?

They went on to talk about one of the porn stars and I think maybe mentioned that she was going to attend the Masters or essentially do something to give him space or privacy. The radio commenters then said, "You are a porn star and have no right to make a moral statement! You have no standing in the world of morality. You have hard core sex for a living, therefore you have no basis to make such a statement." WHHHAAAT?! Talk about making a very judgemental statement. To say that she doesn't have a stand in the world of morality...because she's a porn star? And only because she's a porn star?? So because she chooses that as her profession, how she chooses to make money, that makes her immoral? Liking a shit ton of unadulterated sex makes her immoral? I'd say maybe killing people for a living and not feeling bad about it makes you closer to immoral. I dunno, that's just a guess.

I've boycotted this station before because of a racial remark and I'm getting closer to just completely boycotting it PERIOD. There's the right to an opinion and free speech, but I feel like you cross the line when you start calling others immoral and judging them as immoral, as if your Boston accent is any more appealing than a porn star having sex with a celebrity. Right.

Time to bring the iPod out for the drive into work.

Is The Perfect Day Possible?

No, I don't think so, but today was probably one of the closest I'll ever have to the perfect day. Who'd ever think that I'D have something close to a perfect day, which may have happened because I got up earlier.

We went to 8am Mass this morning because I didn't feel like fighting the crowd. I'm not the best Catholic and I will NEVER admit to even being a great one, but I do make an effort to go to Mass EVERY Sunday. I remembered last year's 10am Easter Mass and it was awful. Everyone who decided to come to reclaim their lost Catholicism came to Mass that Sunday and only that Sunday for that entire year. So ok, if that's the only Mass you're going to go to? At least go to one that isn't the most popular one. Instead, this year, I decided to take matters, or Jesus, into my own hands and attend the 8am Mass instead. And it was awesome. It wasn't too crowded and I wasn't feeling the breath of the person sitting next to me because they were that close.

Right after we got out, we went to breakfast at our normal diner and we didn't even wait! And the guy behind the counter is starting to remember us, which kinda made my day. Because I may have kinda made up my own name for him and started calling him Uncle Rob. Yeah. Irrelevant.

We were done with breakfast and Mass all by the time we would have gone to Mass normally. So we went grocery shopping. And we were done early. So we took LoschDog to the Arnold Arboretum for the day and wore him out. We laid around in the grass, took pictures, talked to other dog owners, and wore ourselves out. We got some of our favorite Jamaican food on the way home and spoiled that by eating ice cream as another stop on the way home. We then spent the rest of the afternoon baking batches of cookies, making dinner (roasted chicken) and lunch for the week.

I....am..exhausted. But happy. I had a good day. I had an amazing day. Will it last? Probably not, but I will take it for what it was worth and at least remember that I had a great day today.

Sexy Black Guy and One Asian Kid

Once again, I rode the T this afternoon into downtown Boston and 2 guys get on the train. They introduce themselves as "Sexy Black Guy and One Asian Kid" as their stage/show names. This was AFTER I got shoved into the doorway of the train to make room for them to do their show. I looked at them and the Sexy Black Guy said, "Why the dirty look, ma?" I looked at him like "REALLY? You HAVE to ask?"

I'm going to plead my case one more time: when you ask people to move on a crowded train just so you can do some flips in the aisle to some Michael Jackson music, DON'T expect a warm reception. So the Sexy Black Guy says, "Oh c'mon. I moved all the way out here from LA, and I want to feel welcome in Boston." To which I semi-loudly replied, "Well you came to the wrong city for THAT." Really, you came to Boston for a warm welcome? HA!

I just can't seem to shake the dancing guys on moving trains.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #6

I've got nothing.
I try to curb headaches with some caffeine, which you can find in soda. But because I can't have a soda, I have to be creative in finding ways to ease the tension headaches and the migraines. I was on a medication to help with my migraines, but I just haven't been that great at taking it. So like usual, I prefer some Pepsi, some Excedrin, and a dark room.

But noooooo. Not yet. But it IS Good Friday. And Easter is on Sunday. Overall though, I don't really feel like I got much out of Lent. I think was better disciplined about not shoving junk food and meat in my face on Fridays, but other than that, I dunno. I didn't write enough notes because I've been too exhausted with work and not being in town. I'm making excuses. I have mixed emotions about this year. Is that possible? Can I have mixed emotions about something that isn't even ABOUT me?

Help!