28 January 2012

Ruined Birthday Surprise

ManLosch has a birthday coming up. On Tuesday in fact. I was struggling with the perfect gift and I finally thought of it: A weekend trip to Dallas to do a specific architecture walking tour and a night in a hotel suite so once we put Jovie to bed, we can sit out in the living area and watch TV without waking her. We'd also do other family activities like going to the hotel pool, and see a few other architecturally significant places (a sculpture garden by his most favorite living architect, Renzo Piano).

Sounds good for the archinerd right?

Well last night as we were getting Jovie ready for bed, he started flipping through one of many XXXX-Large architecture books (ones that cause us to carefully divide them in boxes because when moving, they all can barely be lifted). He blurts out, "Man we need to get to Dallas so I can see this building" and points to the sculpture garden (or maybe it was something else). He then starts going on about how he was hoping to get there this year since Dallas isn't terribly far in the overall scheme of traveling WITHIN the state of Texas.

I gave him the evil eye and then just smiled. Busted. He said, "What?? What's wrong?" So I caved. It's easier to plan weekend trips when the boy knows about it, so I told him my plan and he felt AWFUL!! He apologized and swore up and down that he didn't know, and I know he had no clue. But it's kinda funny how he's still able to read my mind just a little bit more than I'd like at times.

He is currently excited about these potential plans and has fully taken over. I guess it's not such a bad thing. Happy Early Birthday ManLosch.

25 January 2012

Best Thing Said All Week

While I was talking to Ryan yesterday, I explained that I thought God had forgotten me (loooong story people, you'll get the unedited version another time). He said, "No he didn't." I asked, "Well why am I in such a shitty place right now? Nothing feels like it's going right." I explained how there a lot of people in the world he has to talk to and maybe he forgot about me too. I asked why he can't just make everything happen to ensure we can live happy lives like he wants us to.

Ryan's response? "Lex, God is not a micromanager."

Brilliant.

23 January 2012

Losing Myself

Ya'll.....I've lost it a little.

I've lost alot of who I am over the last few weeks and it's taking me a bit to figure it all out before I can truly write something with substance and direction. I'm a bit in survival mode and all I ask from you, dear readers, is a little bit of love and strength.

Much love. Be back soon. :)

10 January 2012

Forever Lazy



I fell culprit to yet another "As Seen On TV" product. The most recent product was the Snuggie, if you remember that December. Now....it's like the Snuggie on steroids. It's the "Forever Lazy."

YES. I wanted it. And I joked about wanting it with Ryan and he refused to get it for me.....
Until now....

Ladies and Gentleman....the Forever Lazy. This thing took FOREVER to get here, but this was part of my birthday gift. People, this thing has a hood. This thing even has a butt flap zipper so you don't even have to take this bad boy off. It has pockets and it came with matching slipper socks. Now, Ryan ordered pink for me but they were out of stock. When you order, it comes with two of these things. So when I opened the box and saw 3 boxes, I was thinking, "Oh I got a third one."

Nope.

These angels sent me A SNUGGIE for waiting so long and not being able to send pink. So I have 2 blue Forever Lazy's AND another Snuggie. I own 3 Snuggies now.

The ONLY thing that is questionable is the "Lazy General's Warning" which is coming from "P.J. the Koala" (their fun fact is that koalas are the laziest animal on the planet..is this true?). The warning is:
" If at any time while wearing the Forever Lazy you start to experience feelings of energy and/or ambition, please seek medical attention immediately!"
Uhh...there's no disclaimer on that. Now if you know Americans, like I know Americans (and I KNOW me some Americans), some asshat is going to call 911 in a panic because he/she started "doin stuff" instead of being lazy. So in hindsight, placing this on the box was probably not a very good idea. 

I have an extra one, anyone wanna party?


09 January 2012

New SNL Favorite

I'm a bit in love with this...



I Want To Change My Name

If this guy can change his name, then so can I.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/06/beezow-doo-doo-zopittybop_n_1190410.html?ref=crime&ir=Crime

Um excuse me, did you say your name is Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop?????? Shut the f*&! up please.

You may now all refer to me as LeLo Dingleclop-di-doo-dop McNaglefirshen. Thanks. And I will respond to nothing short of that name.

08 January 2012

In Which I Become A Hater

Beyonce gave birth last night to the new queen of the world, Ivy Blue. 'Twas a C-section. Ok. Great.

Jay-Z and Beyonce rented out an ENTIRE floor at a NYC hospital and she checked in under a pseudonym. Clearly that did nothing since we all know their biznazz. But an entire floor? Millions of dollars for an entire floor? If you need that much privacy, just have the doctor come to your palatial apartment/mansion/rodeo ranch. I'm going to hope that other women needing to give birth didn't get turned away for this. Or I'll hope that it's really just a rumor. But either way....yes I fully admit that I'm a HATERRRRR. I drank the haterade and it is good. Compared to my birthing experience, which yea I spent 16 hours without food and with the knowledge that my kid was about to wreck some shit up....who WOULDN'T want the red carpet rolled out for them? This kid is going to be even greater than the coming of Suri Cruise. We hound their private lives for a glimpse of what it might be like as them or even as their offspring.

But do I really want to know? Because I'll just see that their kid is dressed in really expensive onesies while my kid is in Carter's...and not even SEAN CARTER's. (I do love me some good sales at Carter's though, not gonna lie). There's the hint of jealousy, there's the "I wish I had a bajillion dollars to provide for my family."

But at the end of the day, the only pictures floating on the internet of my beautiful little girl will be because I posted them there, not some ignorant fool trying to run me off the road for a picture. My middle-class lifestyle (if that) suits me just fine. My car works to get us to work and lets us have fun on the weekend. Jovie gets to experience daycare without a flood of stories out about her ("Breaking news! Jovie stole Mikey's toy while he was crossing the classroom. What are Ryan and Lexi teaching her at home?!") and we get to sit on the couch like most Americans after she's in bed and just enjoy the rest of the day.

And still.....I hate.

06 January 2012

Of Thee I Zing #1

So Laura Ingraham has a thing it seems with anything on television that is not affiliated with Fox News. Is the worst in television really Victoria Secret's commercials, talking baby commercials, and erectile dysfunction commercials? I don't think it's as bad as it appears. Now don't get me wrong, seeing the latest VS model walking a runway for new lacy lingerie doesn't make me feel COMPLETELY beautiful, but everyone looks good on tv. And I don't have money for a personal trainer and chef, so my post-baby body, even a year from birth won't look that good. But some women do look that good. And it doesn't bother me that they're on tv. And I won't let me child watch enough tv to truly get into those types of commercials, soooo what's the big problem here? Sex sells. Always has. Always will.

And come on! The e-trade baby is just funny. It's funny because trying to figure out what your baby is thinking or trying to say is frustrating enough. So to see a baby performing adult business transactions is funny. That's all it's meant to be. Unless your kids (the kids you have without being married, Ms. Roman Catholic) were talking right out the womb. Mine wasn't. So I find this, and probably always will, entertaining. It makes me no less stupid or human.

Dudes also need a little help sometimes. All commercials for ANY drug are awful if you want to go that route. Yes, it may be selling sex, but who doesn't enjoy good sex? But then can't that be said for anything else? By selling rheumatoid arthritis medication, aren't you selling a pain-free existence? An anti-depressant is selling happiness and peace. It's not a big deal. If your kids are up watching it, that's the parents' fault right there. Control what's on the television. But advertising helps sales. Period.

I'll save my rant about more television she hates for #2....

05 January 2012

So many problems with this....

I received an email from YouTube today. I mean, I completely believe that this is totally legit:

kisusu843 has sent you a message:
see this man...
To:101mattlewis,123jessy100,
Anonymous04321,CarynAlive,Ches4107,DistractedWhiteDude,KeepStrummingAway,KidwithSmurf,KiruWolf2000,MarcoXMiddlesex,Pin33appl3,TheSafyann,TheTroypay018,cr1mec0mmit3r,gastong16,holyangel117,msamb37,paulinabajka,sfl702,todclare

howdy mate there bud,

how are you, i was just looking at your videos and i love them.
have you ever thought about getting noticed ? i can give ya a
tip that wud get ya started its a site that you can get as many
video views as you want. i love it and my friends are after getting loads
of views off it..here it is.

subs4subs.com

you shud deffintly check it out.

paddy
Let me start off by telling you, that I changed the link so you wouldn't click on it (because someone would) and get sent somewhere or spammed or whatever. But yes, that was the email sent above. Let's dissect this shall we?
 Look at the people it was sent to. "Distracted White Dude." "Kid with Smurf." C'mon. Add in all the ones with  random numbers and things that don't make sense and there's no EFFIN way I really believe this email right out the gate.
"Howdy mate there bud?" Please just stop now.
The videos I have posted....I can get noticed? So all the videos of my baby learning how to do shit can get noticed?? Right. You asstard, you haven't even looked at them (or am I calling an automated computer an asstard?). Plus only other people with young babies care about those or my kid's grandparents. So no, not even America's Funniest Home Videos worthy, but thanks for noticing.
Your attempt at the spelling of "would" is "wud." I can't even begin to tell you how ignorant you are. Then the nice little doozy at the end... "shud" and "deffintly." Paddy, let me ask you, did you make it past the 3rd grade?
Paddy, if you send me your real address, I'll mail you my kids' "My Baby Can Read" books and DVD's that my mom gave us. That might help you with the English language and also to realize that YOU AREN'T REAL.

04 January 2012

I Met a Book I Did Not Like



Hello readers! Instead of 2012 being the Year of the Dragon, it will hopefully be the Year of the Book. I had the small luxury of reading one book over the holiday break. And let me tell you....I did not like it. Very rarely do I come across a book I don't at least have a little bit of "eh" for. Perhaps it wasn't so much the book, as it was the author writing the material with her smug sense of self. The book was titled "Of Thee I Zing" by Laura Ingraham. Now, I'm not into politics at all but I quickly learned her agenda and whose team she was playing for (political team people). This book is her stab at the current state of American culture and pop culture. She really does cover everything. I will admit that there are some things that I did agree with her on, like dressing babies up to look like "prostitots" as she called them. But her views were just way too conservative for me.

So over the course of the next few blogs, I wanted to address the many things in her book that I DO NOT agree with. I hope you'll read a few of the entries, as they might pertain to you, something you've experienced, something you want to yell about because you don't agree, or maybe you do!

I'll be posting shortly on the specific topics I wanted to discuss from her book, so keep a look out!