New Lost Theory!!

ManLosch and I got into a conversation during a commercial last night for "Lost." I think we've come up with the best theory so far to explain the show.

• Me: Man I used to love watching Muppet Babies. That cartoon was so fuckin' stupid though.
• ManLosch: Nuh uh, it was just little muppets. Baby muppets. Muppet Babies. I used to watch it.
• Me: I used to hate that we could never see the grandmother, was her name Nana?
• ManLosch: Yea. It's like Charlie Brown too; how we could never see the adults? I thought they were cool, always going on little adventures in the closet and stuff.
• Me: That was just stupid. Gonzo was stupid though, with that nose. He always was doing shit on his own, thinking he could be the boss.
• ManLosch: Oh man...Gonzo is like Sawyer!!
• Me: Whaaaaat?
• ManLosch: Yea! Sawyer is always on his own, exploring things, like a rebel. And Kermit is like Jack. Kermit is the leader, kinda quiet, but he kinda just became the leader.
• Me: So are you saying that Ms. Piggy is Kate?! I don't see Ms. Piggy carrying a gun around getting arrested.
• ManLosch: Well both Gonzo and Kermit wanna jump those piggy bones.
• Me: Good point. Rolph would be Charlie. And who would be Hurley then?
• ManLosch: C'mon Lex. FOZZIE BEAR. C'monnnnnn.
• Me: OMG you're awful Ry. Awful. But it's sooo true. So do you think Animal would be like Ben? Just ruthless, letting his own kid get shot?
• ManLosch: Or the Smoke Monster.
• Me: Maybe this is it Ryan. Maybe we've figured out the secret to Lost. Maybe....
• ManLosch: The Muppet Babies ARE Lost? That when they go into the closet to play, they are really on the island?
• Me: YES! Because when they emerge from the closet, it was all just fake anyway. So this is all a dream. A Muppet Babies play area.
• ManLosch: I think people would be pissed to find out that all this time, we were watching some muppets.
• Me: Ehhh....I think people are already pissed. We want answers. And the Muppet Babies theory is about the best one so far.

The Name Game

I went to get breakfast at Panera this morning because I worked the early shift at work, in addition to my normal hours. 7am is too early to really eat breakfast I think, so I walked over to get a breakfast sammie at about 8:30am.

I gave the woman my order. She asked for my name. I said "Alexis."
(I never give Lexi because I can only IMAGINE how they would butcher up the spelling of that)

She said "Uh, I'm just going to put 'Alex' ok?"

B*$ch did I SAY my name was Alex? If I wanted my friends and family to think I crossed over to being a male, then yes, Alex would have been MORE than appropriate. Why can't you add the extra two letters? Do 2 extra letters cost more money? Would I get taxed more? Would I get less cheese on my sandwich because of the extra effort of adding the "-is" to my name? Would you expire and fall onto the cash register because you punched in two more letters?

Panera, PLEASE. Everytime I go there anyway and give you Alexis, you come up with these doozies:
Alexes
Lexis
Elexis
Aleces
Lexus
Alexia
Alexys
And there have been others.

Stop the madness. Srsly.

Alex and Gina

Hey lovemuffins. So I was in Chicago and suburbs this past weekend (because it wouldn't be summer if Lexi wasn't on a plane or traveling every weekend). Of course delayed going into O'Hare, because we always are, but coming back, we were on time. For once. Praise Sweet Baby 6lb Jesus.

Aside from the grown woman we saw downtown with the Lightening McQueen scarf on and a really fun trip to the MCA, we spent the rest of the time McHenry-ing it up. If you don't know where McHenry, IL is, it's ok. Neither do I. No, seriously, it's like the last suburb of Chicago that you could possibly still call a suburb of Chicago. And that's where the ManLosch and his fam call home. Visiting McHenry also usually requires a Sunday morning Mass thrown in. It's usually the later one (and by late, I mean 9am, which is by no means LATE for moi; I still can't function at 9am). So the Loschs piled up and went to Mass Sunday morning. And let me tell you. It was pretty interesting.

At one point when I might have been dozing off, Ryan nudges me and says "Hey, it's that couple who did our marriage stuff. They "ran" our rehearsal. She turned around and waved to me." So I look around and sho' nuff, they are there. I figured we weren't getting out of there without some amount of forced conversation, so I set myself up a little. In the meantime, ya girl saw a grown man with a turquoise pinky ring on and I nearly lost my shit. Yea. If you know me, then you know that the pinky ring is a HUGE dealbreaker for me. It's almost THE dealbreaker (and trust me ladies, it has been in the past). So I practically knocked Ryan over while going up to get communion because I wanted him to see it. He probably thought I was being rowdy and politely ignored me. I was also a little disappointed because instead of my usual full Jeezit, I got hosed and was given some Jesus Pieces. Not ok. NOT OK.

So anyway, mass ended and we finally started filing out. At this point, Ryan noticed the pinky ring and nearly busted out laughing. Actually, he did. And as we were leaving the pew, marriage prep couple saunters on over to us before we were even allowed to kneel to Jesus on the way out. She says, "Hey guys! How are you? How's everything?" With plastered smiles on our faces, we say, "Good, good and yourself?" She says "Great! Now, to be honest, I don't even remember your names. Is it Alex and Gina?"

SHA-WHAT?!?!?!
Alex and Gina.

I look at Ryan because I can't really control the laughter but I'm trying. He says to her calmly "Uh no, Ryan and Lexi." She says "Ah, right. Ok. Well whatever. How's your marriage?"

What kind of question IS that?

Ryan fires back. "Good. How's yours?"

At this point, I was ready to nearly shit my pants in laughter because I couldn't believe it. The conversation was SO awkward, SO forced, that I couldn't handle it. Alex and Gina??? I could see the Alex part...but it wasn't even associated with the female name, because obviously she thought I was Gina. Either that, or she's watched too many episodes of "Martin." So finally, we broke away because it was just awful at its best, and we left.

Alex and Gina. Yes.
Speaking of, it's Alex and Gina's 2nd Wedding Anniversary tomorrow. We're doing something totally and utterly romantic. So unbelievably romantic, you'll die.
We're going to see Aerosmith (love you Ry, but sense the sarcasm). Don't worry. Gina will be blogging about it.

..but the world MUST know that I....

So since my workplace banned Facebook, I have not been on it as much as I used to. Considering when I get home, I'm usually tired and don't care that 100 of my friends changed the "About Me" section of their pages or changed their Relationship status 3 times in one day. From the times I've logged in, I've noticed a constant. People are falling ill with the TMI disease. If you don't know what TMI stands for, it's "Too Much Information," but honestly, if you're reading my blog, you should already know that (considering that I often offer up too much information about MY life). But I'm talking about pictures of your pee stick when you found out you were pregnant, that Robbie now has the syph because he cheated on you...etc. So I decided there should be a rule book of examples of inappropriate Facebook statuses. Below, you will find some examples of things that fall into the TMI disease category (or anything that may be considered just inappropriate for sharing on Facebook:

Anonymous Male/Female User:
.....is currently taking a dump. And totally ran out of toilet paper.
.....is PREGNANT! Take a look at the proof baby!! (see inset photo of pee stick)
.....is with his/her therapist working out his/her daddy issues. Pass the tissues.
.....is currently being stabbed.
.....is currently being arrested. Post bail ASAP.
.....is wondering why her roommate must be so loud during sex. Honestly, he's not THAT good in bed. TRUST ME.
.....is at his/her grandma's funeral. And she didn't leave me anything either. :(
.....is currently hijacking a plane/robbing a bank bitches! Rock on! (side note: you KNOW at one point in your flying career that you've seen that ONE idiot who never turns their phone off during the flight and you want to shank them so bad. but that's another blog.)
.....has JUST gotten laid. I am AWESOME.
.....is taking an STD test at Planned Parenthood right now. Wish me luck!
.....just farted in his/her cubicle.
.....is waiting for the divorce papers to be signed already!
.....wishes the bank would stop calling for their money. He/she just ain't got it.
.....is up in the gym, just workin on his/her fitness...but just farted on the elliptical.
.....just drank a bottle of tequila while at ::hiccup:: work.
.....called in sick to play football with said homies (note: your boss is your friend on facebook)


If you've seen any inappropriate/TMI statuses on Facebook, or can think of anything that might be just as horrific, please, by all means, leave a message. We will stop these overzealous Facebookers, one stroke at a time.






(I meant one KEYSTROKE you pervs. Like typing? Get your mind out the gutter.)

Believable or Not???

Any suggestions?