I Met a Book I Did Not Like

Hello readers! Instead of 2012 being the Year of the Dragon, it will hopefully be the Year of the Book. I had the small luxury of reading one book over the holiday break. And let me tell you....I did not like it. Very rarely do I come across a book I don't at least have a little bit of "eh" for. Perhaps it wasn't so much the book, as it was the author writing the material with her smug sense of self. The book was titled "Of Thee I Zing" by Laura Ingraham. Now, I'm not into politics at all but I quickly learned her agenda and whose team she was playing for (political team people). This book is her stab at the current state of American culture and pop culture. She really does cover everything. I will admit that there are some things that I did agree with her on, like dressing babies up to look like "prostitots" as she called them. But her views were just way too conservative for me.

So over the course of the next few blogs, I wanted to address the many things in her book that I DO NOT agree with. I hope you'll read a few of the entries, as they might pertain to you, something you've experienced, something you want to yell about because you don't agree, or maybe you do!

I'll be posting shortly on the specific topics I wanted to discuss from her book, so keep a look out!

On Why I Can't Ever Take Cutesy Pics of Jovie

You all know what I'm talking about. All those photos people take of their infants in their birthday suits. They are wearing pearls or a tie or whatever, and nothing else. Perhaps taken on a sheepskin rug or something of the like to make them look all cute and warm and fuzzy.

See, I can't get down with that. Yes, it's cute when other parents do it. But Jovie? I can't. I have the perpetual fear that Jovie will piss all over the rug or take a massive baby poop. The girl pooped RIGHT on my leg when she was immediately born, then peed all over me for my birthday 2 weeks later. Then she blew out her diaper on me multiple times. Literally on me. So no, I do not trust her to be all quaint and cute for some photography session. And I'm fairly sure the owner of the studio would not want to take back their props soiled with last night's dinner. So therefore, I settle for any other random shot we can get of her.....and they usually turn out just fine. :-)

Haiku in the Key of Employment

Heading back to work
I wish I had more days off
Now what do I do?

Austin Children's GermPit....I mean Museum

Hello 2012! I forgot to mention what Jovie and I did last week, way back in ye olde 2011.

I took JoLo to the Austin Children's Museum a few days ago after we met Ryan for lunch at his job. We get there and I already knew that a child 12 months of age or older would cost $4.50. Which I STILL think is a bit steep for a kid who JUST turned 1. We're in line and I easily could have lied about her age. It's not like she's husky or anything. The woman behind the counter asked me how old Jovie was and I smiled and tried this:
"Oh, she JUST turned 12 months about a week ago! Isn't that crazy?"
Her response??
"That'll be $4.50 for her and $6.50 for you."
Whore.

See what I get for being totally honest? Anyway, we walk in and there's a tiny tiny area called "Rising Star Ranch" which is made for 2 year olds and younger. This is what I wanted for Jovie anyway but when we finally got there, I about did a double take with how small it was. It was NO ranch indeed. It was more like a closet. While doing activities in said "ranch," here is what I learned:

1) Other moms who breastfeed gravitate only to those other moms who can whip their tits out in rising star ranches. You get placed in one of these weird and awkward social situations (almost an experiment) because you're in an enclosed space and you are chasing your toddler around. I tried to come out of my shell and be that mom who can talk to anyone, but these 2 skanks completely looked at me like I was beneath them because I could not contribute to their breastfeeding conversation. Don't get me wrong, good for you if you can breastfeed. I did for a few weeks IF that, and Jovie was stubborn, it didn't work for us. She is PERFECTLY 100% fine and healthy from her bottle and her attachment to me is normal. I don't need to be made to feel as if I'm not part of an elite club. I then moved to a different part of the townhou-I mean ranch.

2) Oh god, who didn't change their kid's diaper? It smells like poo all up-oh wait......oh god...that's my kid. OHMYGOD that's my child cropdusting all over this place. Once they are really eating ALOT of food and table food, those diapers can fill up one right after the other. I didn't possibly think it was Jovie because she was JUST changed about 30 minutes prior. Oh it so was. And the only way to keep her still is by asking her to "help me" by holding the powder while I change her.

3) The hipster with the 30 keys, square glasses, and plain wife were about the coolest people there. No judging on appearance alone. Their 15 month old Ira was the most adorable baby, they were down to earth, and we were laughing about all the things our kids do, like waving to people AFTER they leave already. Ira also hobo hops and I got to witness it. It was even more fantastical watching an older kid do it.

4) I will always be a protective mama bear, even if yes, that means giving someone else's kid the stank eye because he ran up, stared at Jovie and stole the toy she was playing with. Uh hello, it's not cute. My kid had the yellow ball, your kid can have the green one. Make him wait. Because the next time it happens, I will tell your kid to pick another toy. Because it did happen again. And I did say it and gave the ball back to Jovie.

5) Hey macho dad there with no ring on and a year old son with your compression shirt, Nike's and work out pants! You brought a bookbag full of toys, even though we're at the museum, and positioned yourself strategically among the young moms. Wrong place to pick up ladies amigo. Try a less hippy museum.

6) No matter how much you want to believe that the toy your kid just put in her mouth wasn't recently in some other kid's mouth, it's a lie. It was in EVERY SINGLE ONE of those kids' mouths. And no parent decided it was dirty enough to place in the "Sanitize Me Please!" box. I placed a good number of toys in there until I realized...we're at a public daycare. Whatever, at least she's not eating someone else's snot or ringleading mischief like she does at daycare.

So will I go back? Hmm....I think that's questionable. I may bring Ryan so he can see it and decide if it's a place worthy of a 3rd visit, but I want to be around parents of all kinds in a bigger space. I will readily admit that based on 1 visit each alone, the Boston Children's Museum was MUCH better.