Rain rain go the *!?@ away!!

It's Tuesday night and 8:53pm. We're FINALLY in Florida but we've been driving since a little before 8am this morning from NC. We're both getting tired but we're about 2 hrs away (we made some stops). I took over the driving at the beginning of Georgia and guess what? The MINUTE we got back on I-95, Mother Nature decided I was a horrible bitch and opened up her heavens on me. It poured for the 4 hours I drove. Nice right? Also hit traffic. First time we hit traffic AND rain since we left Massachusetts. We stopped and had dinner in Cocoa Beach and I saw the BEST sign on a church. It said, "Not even a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris will get you into heaven."

Yeeeeeeaaaaaa. Roadtrip's are awesome. :-)
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Roadtrip

It's 1:10pm on a Saturday. We've been in the car since 6am. We just got on the Baltimore-Washington Parkway. First real stop is Newport News, VA to visit my bro and sis-in-law (you know, Air Force important people. My bro just got a promotion too!! But I digress...). We stopped in the ONE rest stop in Delaware where I swear every black person was meeting to stage a cook-out and possible retaliation for the years of oppression. But anyway, check out THIS lovely gem at the rest stop.
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Popes & Planes... nothing like Boats & Hoes

Last night, while watching "The Daily Show" (I wasn't watching, so much as staring at the tv) with Ryan, Jon Stewart started talking about The Pope. And I saw The Pope (The Pope? the pope? the Pope? Pope-man?) getting off a plane. This was only the beginning of the strange conversation I then started with Ryan.

I asked him, "Do you think The Pope gets frequent flier miles?" Ryan looked at me blankly and said, "What? Huh?" I said, "Do you think that The Pope gets frequent flier miles? Who buys his plane tickets? Do you think that after earning so many miles he gets a free flight, considering he jets all over the place?" Ryan looked at me almost in disbelief, but smiling, and said, "Um, babe, he's THE POPE. He probably has a chartered plane. And The Vatican pays for it." I said, "But he got off a plane that had the "OneWorld" sticker, which means he flew the OneWorld Alliance, which means maybe he was flying American or Iberia or something else. So he was on a plane with people. So he should get to redeem those miles at least when he's done with being The Pope." He said, "No. He can't be. He's The Pope. And he's gonna be The Pope until he dies, so he can't ever redeem the miles." So I paused.....and THEN said "What name is on his frequent flier miles? "First name, The, Last Name, Pope?" Ryan laughs and says "No! He has a name. It's Benedict." I said, "Well, does it say Pope Benny? Mr. Pope?" He looked at me and sighed. He said "The Vatican pays to charter a plane. So I don't think he can get frequent flier miles off a chartered flight."

I shut up for a minute. Then I kept it moving. I said, "Does the President of the United States get frequent flier miles?" Ryan looked at me like he wanted to shoot me. He said "Lex, he has his OWN plane. He gets his own plane. Period." I said "But The Pope gets a chartered flight, and it's still not his own plane. He flies the regular planes." He said, "But he gets Air Force One. It's the President's plane." I said, "Well I thought ANY plane that the President flew on would be considered Air Force One. And why is it called Air Force One?" Ryan, at this point, was getting fairly exasperated. He said, "Because the Air Force operates it. They are a military branch of the U.S. They control airspace. Hence, Air Force One. You know what, why don't you ask YOUR BROTHER! He's in the freaking Air Force."

I then said, "Well if The Pope is technically the head of his own country, and the President is the head of the U.S., how come Benny doesn't get his own plane? Would they call it 'Pope-moplane? Air Force Jesus?" Ryan then starts researching this information online. He then tells me, "I don't think it's the Pope-moplane. But here in America, apparently, it's called 'Shepherd One.' " I looked at him in disbelief, and then said "Well I think it should be called Air Force Jesus." He pauses and then says, "No. It should be Air Force Son.......................................................................................................................................................... OF GOD!!! HA! HA! Get it?" Ryan is very big on the lame puns, which is a quality, after almost 6 years, I've come to accept and love. So I said, "No, that doesn't flow." He argued, "But it HAS to rhyme with ONE. And SON rhymes with ONE. Air Force Son, and then you have to have this big dramatic pause and then say OF GOD! Get it?! Oh man, that's awesome."

So after all of this, I realized our conversation made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Which prompted me to add, "Do you think that The Pope gets reward points at the Supermarket?"

Grammie

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all who are Mom's and such! I made sure to call my mom and grandma. My mom would somehow understand if I forgot to call her. She would be a little hurt, but otherwise, alright. My grandmother, on the other hand, would have disowned me faster than Eddie Murphy tried to disown Scary Spice's baby. So I made sure to call her. Typically these phone conversations are no longer than 5 minutes because she "doesn't want to use up all my phone units." She seems to think that people still pay for long distance minutes.

So Sunday right? 15 minutes and 8 seconds. And she was just talking in circles. This is what I learned:

• She is not opposed to answering the phone WHILE chewing.
• She did the reading at church that day. She read Psalm 37. Everyone told her that she did a good job. She also brought my aunt with her to church. Everyone thought she was beautiful.
• She was reluctant to get her driver's license because her first husband died in a car accident (this is very understandable...just random on Mother's Day).
• She has the "heebee jeebee's" which is apparently code for "allergies" and "sinus problems."
• She has a new gazebo. Her friend Flo who lived next door to Naomi back in Florida had one and she always wanted one too.
• She was eating a nice dinner of pre-made chicken and rice and beans because Papa Al didn't want to cook.
• She hopes my mom will eventually go back to church because she owes it to Jesus.
  
• She read Psalm 37 at church.
• Jesus has been so good to her.
• Jesus has been so good to her.
• Papa Al tends to drive faster on the highway and doesn't realize when he's speeding.
  
• She's having a cake made for my brother, but don't tell anyone.
  
• The lady who is making the cake sold her a scratch off ticket that she bought after church. The lady also smokes and apparently has been told by my grandmother that smoking is bad and she needs to throw them (yes....she said throw them) cancer sticks out.
• Jesus has been so good to her

And just imagine that list going on in circles. And in between the questions. But I'm blessed that my Grammie is still alive and in my life. So I'll never complain. :)

New Digs

So I now have a 2nd blog.

http://64in365.blogspot.com

Check it out. Become a follower. Love my list. But don't forget about this blog. Because both will be equally as delicious.

Smooches,
Sha-trexis

#14

Sooooo you can expect these kinds of gem-like postcards from me over the next 365 days!!!
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64 Things

My beautiful followers, I have created a list! In the last few days or so, I decided that my current being had no current path, no purpose. I wanted to experience some personal growth, I wanted to learn new things, and I wanted to have fun. So I created a list. It's a list of 64 things that I must try to complete in the next 365 days. The list I am about to share with you is open for interpretation, it's open for participation (if you decide you want to join me, you will most likely be welcome to, but please just ask first), and most of all, it's open for you all to comment on. I want your help, I want your feedback. I am still deciding if I will create a 2nd blog for my 64 things, and if I do, you will all be informed so you can follow that too.

And now...drumroll please.....I present to you, my 64 Things:

1. Take a creative writing class (no specified length or price).
2. Write a letter to my dad and actually send it.
3. Take more photos (1 roll/month).
4. Get 10 more people to follow my blog.
5. Go to the gym 2-3 times/week.
6. Go camping for 1 night (must try to include fishing).
7. Drink less soda (5/business week).
8. Throw a dart on a map of the United States and visit that place (I do get 3 throws however).
9. Watch movies for 1 full day (suggestions are welcome).
10. Find a way to order "Lift" online and have it shipped to my house.
11. Fly to Chicago to visit my in-laws just because.
12. See a therapist.
13. Build and paint a bookcase from scratch (can have help).
14. Send 5 postcards a month to anyone.
15. Learn how to make greeting cards. Try to sell them to my Mom's friends.
16. Try 20 new restaurants in Boston.
17. Buy a homeless person dinner (try to sit with them during dinner).
18. Draw something in a notebook everyday (no matter how ugly it is).
19. Visit another state to see a concert.
20. Buy a 18x24 (subject to change) canvas. Paint with eyes closed.
21. Fry my own chicken.
22. Donate work clothes to a battered woman's shelter.
23. Take Jordan to a dog park once a week.
24. Throw a wine and appetizer party that's dressy and fancy.
25. Visit California.
26. Meditate in the Boston Common/Public Garden (with friends, alone, etc.).
27. Save $20 or more from each paycheck.
28. Learn how to play a round of real golf
29. Be an awesome person (being aware of others around me, being calmer).
30. Cook 4 times a week.
31. Surprise my mom at work one day.
32. Write down the names of 20 people I know. Write them a letter expressing my gratitude towards them.
33. Choose 10 bible readings and blog about them (doesn't have to be all at once).
34. Learn how to play the piano.
35. Watch all 2009 Best Picture nominee movies from the Oscars.
36. Try to volunteer at an animal shelter.
37. Take a picture of something that represents each letter of the alphabet (should have 26 pictures). Frame these pictures how I choose.
38. Ride the Red line and Blue line from one end to the other (on the T).
39. Eat buffalo wings in Buffalo, NY.
40. Go to synagogue on a Friday night.
41. Learn how to cook beef stroganoff (because I love my mom-in-laws stroganoff).
42. Organize a Boston pub crawl over the summer.
43. Rent a car for the day. Only make left turns. Explore.
44. Go to a flea market. Find 2 bracelets that are alike and mail one to my mom with an explanation of it's meaning.
45. Attend 5 book readings.
46. Write a letter to the Metro (newspaper) explaining my 64 things journey and hope they publish it.
47. Read a book about architecture.
48. Surprise a friend with an hour body massage (given by a professional) and lunch.
49. Cook dinner for my mother or grandmother.
50. Explore poetry. Find a writer that I enjoy and share what I learn and like.
51. Get a list of words from 1 person and write a short story that incorporates the words.
52. Go to 7 museums that have contemporary art or at least a few contemporary exhibits.
53. Cook for my co-workers.
54. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
55. Watch 5 foreign films in the movie theatre.
56. Create a "mannequin" commercial similiar to the Old Navy commercials.
57. Learn guitar (preferably bass).
58. Go on a spiritual/meditative retreat.
59. See a Yankees game at New Yankee Stadium.
60. Design/Draw 10 things. Put them on t-shirts and wear them proudly.
61. Drive to Montreal, Canada. Explore.
62. Find 10 photobooths in 10 different places. Can take pics with friends or alone.
63. See Niagara Falls. Take inappropriate photos.
64. Buy a bike helmet. Bike around the Charles River (not all the way around, but in different places around the river).

My list became complete today and therefore, I have until May 8, 2010 to complete this list. Remember, you can help and participate too! Wish me luck! :)

Shama-lama-ding-dong

I went to yoga last night (hold your applause please). I went to the gym TWICE that day. Once in the morning and then in the evening for yoga. However, I will note that the only reason I ended up at the gym was because we had no hot water at our house and I wasn't going to take another cold shower. So I also rode the stationary bike before showering. Still. Props to me (NOW you may applaud).

So yoga right? We have a new instructor. Her name is Nina. And she was WAY better than the yoga sergeant sub we had last week. Nina was very calming and motherly. She didn't favor downward dog (THAAAANK YOUUU) and reminded us that "this your OWN yoga practice. do what feels right for you." She also played some cool music that was very yoga-ish and made me want to start singing "shama-lama-ding-dong" while slapping my hands on the floor. But I refrained and kept with my yoga practice for 55 minutes. But the two gossipy people (guy and girl) were there that I don't care for (which is my nice way of saying that they can eat dirt) and I got there WAY before they did and they kinda looked at me with an evil glance because I got the spot in the corner in the back (which is where they usually roost). Suck it up Laverne and Shirley and get there in time to put your mats down to save your spot. And moisturize your heels while you're at it Rambo.

I'm also not down with the people who don't bring their own mats. If you all are gonna freak out about swine flu and shit, BRING YOUR OWN MAT. Do you really wanna do Child's Pose on that mat where someone just put their sweaty feet?

Namaste.

15 years and counting....

I love my best friend.