Happy Belated Easter all! Guess who went to mass yesterday? That would be me (but I generally go to mass anyway, which is where alot of my blog material comes from...is that wrong??). Mass was a shitshow yesterday and here is why: CatholicswhosaytheyareCatholicbutonlycometochurchonXmasEveandEaster. Just stay home, like any other Sunday. The fact that you only come to mass the night that Jesus was born and then the day he was resurrected should tell you something. I'm not holier than thou either, but I try to make a solid effort to go most Sundays strictly for some blog worthy material (while trying to learn a valuable lesson every now and then). Anyway, do what you want, but you should come for the show more often. It's entertaining.
That being said, in short here is what happened yesterday: almost had a panic attack due to the amount of people in the pews, in the aisles, and by the front door standing. The old man next to me ended up sitting TOO close and I'm pretty sure he heard me huff and puff to Ryan about him sitting on my coat and purse when his wife invited someone else to sit in the pew that already had no more room. So he kind of cut his eyes at me during "Peace Be With You" and barely shook my hand. Screw you buddy. Don't sit on my sh*t next time and maybe I'll want to punch you less.
There were kids everywhere, and I wanted to punch most of them in the ear. There were 3 girls in front of me with their parents and grandparents. The two oldest ones were talking about getting a dog. The fatter one said "It is my lifelong dream to get a dog and name him Spotty." (Honey, if that's your lifelong dream, you've got OTHER problems). The younger one who will probably get married first said "I want to get a Chihuahua and name him Olé." EVERYONE turned around, non-family included, and gave her the "Aww, isn't that SO precious?!" glance and head nod. Sorry chunkster, I think your sis won that round.
Besides the cacophony of child cries, the woman who clapped at the end of the homily, the scuffle that broke out in the communion line between mother and daughter, and woman downing the rest of the wine, mass wasn't terrible. I guess I just can't handle all those people.
What tops off the morning was our trip to IHOP for breakfast. It wasn't crowded at all, and this woman and her boyfriend kind of cut in front of me to give the host their name. But they asked "What's the wait time for 2?" The guy said "No more than 5 minutes, we aren't busy." The couple stood there debating if 5 minutes was too long and then said "Do you think it'll take that long? Can you seat us now?" The guy just stood there looking at them with the "Are you nuts?" look and said "Um, you can put your names in and I'm pretty sure you will be seated soon. The guy says (which I had to repeat to Ryan later and once he realized what he said, broke out into an unstoppable fit of laughter), "Well, she has REALLY been craving a waffle, so can you seat us now?" WHAT?! This isn't a 5 star restaurant amigo. This is IHOP. Put your name in and sit down and wait to be called, it's not even a 5 minute wait!!!! He used her waffle craving as the reason why they needed to be seated that instant. We laughed all the way through breakfast.
Hopefully I'll see some of you on the next major holiday (Could be Administrative Professionals Day OR Cinco de Mayo....BYOB though). Doesn't have to be at mass, maybe we can just go to IHOP and share some waffles together. I know you've been craving one.
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