Train In Vain

I had a half day at work today. I took the afternoon off and went downtown to get my hair done (look, my hairdresser was all booked up tomorrow doing some whore's weave). I took advantage of this opportunity to go to write at Grub Street, since they aren't open on the weekends. After I got my hair done, I went to Grub Street, did some internetting and some writing, and left about 15 minutes before they closed.

In order to get home, I have to take the train. I got on the train and all of a sudden I heard a boombox and some clapping. There were two black guys getting ready to do some train dancing, which is something I really only ever see when I'm home in NY. One says, "Welcome to the show, 'Dancing on a Moving Train.' Please, if you like what you see let us know. Dig deep, don't be cheap."

First of all, you need to come up with a better title for your "show." You really thought I'd watch you with "Dancing on a Moving Train??" Fuck you buddy.

Second, your sayings weren't that clever. "Dig deep, don't be cheap" and "If you liked the show, let a black man know" did not make me want to give you money. At all. It didn't sound smart, it sounded stupid.

Third, and last, YOU DIDN'T EVEN DANCE! You did a few shuffles in a circle, you moved your beanie hat around, and you then decided to do some FLIPS in the aisle of the train (and train aisles aren't that wide on the MBTA...in fact usually they aren't that wide in America). You shuffled for about 2 minutes TOTAL and hustled some people out of money?? Well, in all honesty, that makes you smart and everyone else stupid, but still. At least produce a quality show next time and I may decide to glance up from my corner priority seat and my book to let a black man know that I appreciate his efforts.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #2

1 week down from Lent. This is probably the first time I've not lashed out on anyone from severe caffeine deficiency. I mean, I drink coffee, but there's nothing like a cold soda straight from the fridge....yea I'm an addict. I have been experiencing a few more headaches lately (which does happen when I go all cold turkey from the cool, crisp taste of a can of Pepsi...drooool).

I haven't written any of my notes yet either. I've been very busy trying to write this contest entry for Grub Street. It's finally done. And even as I sit here, I'm staring at my email, a little afraid to send it. I am a little proud of myself, so I'm hoping this is motivating enough to get writing a whole lot more.

On to Fish Friday's now...

New Lost Theory!!

ManLosch and I got into a conversation during a commercial last night for "Lost." I think we've come up with the best theory so far to explain the show.

• Me: Man I used to love watching Muppet Babies. That cartoon was so fuckin' stupid though.
• ManLosch: Nuh uh, it was just little muppets. Baby muppets. Muppet Babies. I used to watch it.
• Me: I used to hate that we could never see the grandmother, was her name Nana?
• ManLosch: Yea. It's like Charlie Brown too; how we could never see the adults? I thought they were cool, always going on little adventures in the closet and stuff.
• Me: That was just stupid. Gonzo was stupid though, with that nose. He always was doing shit on his own, thinking he could be the boss.
• ManLosch: Oh man...Gonzo is like Sawyer!!
• Me: Whaaaaat?
• ManLosch: Yea! Sawyer is always on his own, exploring things, like a rebel. And Kermit is like Jack. Kermit is the leader, kinda quiet, but he kinda just became the leader.
• Me: So are you saying that Ms. Piggy is Kate?! I don't see Ms. Piggy carrying a gun around getting arrested.
• ManLosch: Well both Gonzo and Kermit wanna jump those piggy bones.
• Me: Good point. Rolph would be Charlie. And who would be Hurley then?
• ManLosch: C'mon Lex. FOZZIE BEAR. C'monnnnnn.
• Me: OMG you're awful Ry. Awful. But it's sooo true. So do you think Animal would be like Ben? Just ruthless, letting his own kid get shot?
• ManLosch: Or the Smoke Monster.
• Me: Maybe this is it Ryan. Maybe we've figured out the secret to Lost. Maybe....
• ManLosch: The Muppet Babies ARE Lost? That when they go into the closet to play, they are really on the island?
• Me: YES! Because when they emerge from the closet, it was all just fake anyway. So this is all a dream. A Muppet Babies play area.
• ManLosch: I think people would be pissed to find out that all this time, we were watching some muppets.
• Me: Ehhh....I think people are already pissed. We want answers. And the Muppet Babies theory is about the best one so far.

LoschDog Is Mucho Musical

So for those that DON'T know, ManLosch and I met in college. And we met in marching band (ok go on...laugh and make your band geek jokes now...I'll wait.......finished?). So for the most part, we're REAL music nerds. So much that we named the tables at our wedding after instruments found in the marching band....and the fight song was played at our wedding..and our programs..ok. Let me just stop now. So the conversation below shouldn't be a surprise to you...(and I can explain it later if you don't get it)

• ManLosch: Jordan, slow down, damn.
• Me: He's thirsty, leave him.
• ManLosch: But that's why he dribbles all over the carpet.
• Me: Do you hear that though?
• ManLosch: Hear what? No?
• Me: Our pup drinks in triplets! 1,2,3,1,2,3 lap,lap, lap, drink, drink, drink.
• ManLosch: HA! He does. You nerd.
• Me: Trip-a-let, Trip-a-let, Trip-a-let....(smiles)

Girl, you WRONG

Look, I know you're all going to think I'm wrong after telling this story, but shit, it is what it is.

So I walked into the ladies room this morning to tinkle. I was in a little bit of a daze. I opened the door, and when you walk into the ladies room, the first thing you really see is the door/opening to the handicapped stall. I looked and saw these frumpy looking black shoes/sneakers and they were quite large.

So I nearly shit myself and almost said out loud "SHIT, did I fuckin walk into the men's room?!" Considering I was in a daze, I really thought I did and almost said "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." But then a woman totally walked out of the stall, looking like she just left Middle Earth. I wanted to sit her down and say "Please let me brush your hair sistagirl and give you some Keds or something."

I'm not the queen of fashion here, but when I walk into the ladies room and think I walked into the men's room???? C'mon. C'MON.

Baby It's (Not) Cold Outside

I don't know if Boston is experiencing a warmer winter or what, but it reached about 50 degrees today at some point. It was so nice that ManLosch and I decided to leave the confines of the apartment and venture the mean downtown streets of Boston (okay, not that mean).  Didn't really have any plans but to walk around and take some pictures, be lazy...the USUAL.

Why did I see all these motherfuckers in shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops????? SOMEWHERE NOT EVERYWHERE, it reached 50, and I'm sure it didn't last. For the most part today, it was in the 40's. Which means, it's still winter. Which means you should be dressed appropriately. So why did we see some whore draggin' her raggedy ass toes in cheap flip flops down Newbury Street? We also saw a group of Latino men walk into a Chipotle in shorts and t-shirts. ManLosch says "I bet $5 they just came from playing soccer. They're actually dressed for it." I said, "No. I bet $100 they DIDN'T come from playing soccer, but that they want you to BELIEVE they just came from playing soccer as an excuse to dress that way in public." ManLosch laughed, but then nodded in defeat because he knew I was probably right.

Look, I know that it's nice to have warmer weather when we all have to bundle up everyday. But it's still not cool to act like it's summertime outside. We live in Boston. And it's February. Please act like it.

Damn Delta Miles

So apparently Delta Airlines threatened me; well not really. I had all these miles I hadn't used and they were about to expire. So I was given the option of keeping the miles by essentially PURCHASING a safeguard for them (um, didn't I do that when I bought the tickets?!) OR getting a shit ton of magazine subscriptions.

If you know me, you know what I did.

Yep. Magazine subscriptions. I did this weeks ago, so of course, I don't remember what I used my miles for, but because I had a decent amount of miles, I got a few subscriptions. So imagine my surprise, since I didn't remember what I checked off, when "Martha Stewart Living" arrived 2 days ago. I'm like, "Oh cool! This is the best way to explore magazines I would have never thought to check out." But today I got "Arthur Frommers: Budget Travel." So my guess is that I may have been drinking when I did these selections, because I distinctly remember being disappointed that porno magazines were NOT an option here.

Ahhh well. Back to learning how to tend to my non-existent garden.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #1

It's a bird!
It's a plane!

No bitches, it's just me. Welcome to my weekly update on Lent!

First things first: I am not the poster child for all things Catholic and Lent. I feel like ashes on the forehead on a WEDNESDAY mind you, shouldn't be cause to look at me strange and point and say "Uh...you got...wait, uh...." for me to then respond and sigh for the millionth time, "It's Ash Wednesday."  Also, the joke about "You got a little dirt/smudge/shit on your forehead there.." is not funny anymore. I am not the walking PSA for reminding you that you should have gone to Mass. If you didn't even remember it was Ash Wednesday on your own, I can't help you kid. You're on your own...WITHOUT my ashes.

So hey there! Lent. 40 days of sacrifice. 40 days of self-reflection. After this morning's Mass and a good talk with a good friend, I realized that I have ALOT to think about and work on. In addition to some heavy self reflection and meditation, I'm giving up soda. I am also taking on a task! This is new for me. I am going to write 40 notes to 40 different people to tell them something good about themselves. It can be on a Post-It, a letter, anything. Just something to make someone smile. It can be a stranger, family, or a friend. Obviously I expect NOTHING in return, but this is meant for me to notice people more. To notice all the great things about the people that I surround myself with.

Anyway, it's been an exhausting day and it's time for me to relax. 39 days to go guys! Woot!      

It's About To Begin...

The countdown has begun. Lent starts in an hour and a half. 40 days. Are you participating? If so, have you thought about what you're giving up or what you want to do to better yourself?

I will be using the next few months for some self-reflection, and hopefully a ton of meditation. Okay, maybe just a little more than usual. More on my reflections and observations tomorrow. Right now, I gots to get myself to bed in preparation for the next 40 days.

Am I ready? Probably not. But then again, I never am. ;-)