I'm finishing up a book called, "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" by Diana Joseph (who, by the way, I had the chance to hear read an excerpt from this book back in March). I'm on the last chapter and she is describing the moment she tried to tell her then-husband that she wasn't happy and wanted out of the marriage. His response to her was "I'm sorry you feel that way." I'd like to quote what she wrote next:
"..I'm sorry you feel that way. The I'm sorry part makes it sound like a generous sentiment, empathetic and understanding, but when you think about it, it's really a load of crap. It really means What you feel is stupid and wrong but the reason you feel that way is because, regrettably, you're stupid and wrong. I think it's so much more honest to say fuck you, Up yours. Who cares. What's that got to do with me? Too bad, so sad. So what. Whoop de do. Foo on you. Big deal. Bite me. You're full of shit. You don't know your ass from a hole in the ground. Tough titty. No, really, fuck you."
I'm not sure why this paragraph hit me so hard, but OMG DAMN! How true is this. In reality, really...think about it. How many times has someone sarcastically told you they were sorry? Or maybe they said this to you but used different words and it made you feel lower than low. You think, "Damn why didn't you just say what you really meant!" I've had people tell me this, or express this somehow and it's definitely made me feel like this. That "you really don't give a shit, so why bother" kind of feeling.
Sorry, just had to share this portion of the book since it really just resonated with me. :)
I think it's kind of natural for people to just say an empty "I'm sorry" when they don't really mean it. Of course, in the situation at hand, it's completely unacceptable. But I think we might be better off telling people the truth more often than just blowing through a contentions issue with a few thoughtless words. Certainly this is a self-critique as well, but a second thought to what actually comes out of our mouths can't hurt.
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