Shut the Hell Up Lexi

So I'm going on vacation starting May 16th. Let me tell you, I'm beginning to think that I may just grab whatever I can and mysteriously NOT return to Massachusetts. Don't take one step closer! I'll do it. I'll not return.

In celebration of the fact that I won't be in Massachushits for a week (!!!!!), I've decided to tell you what I plan on doing. I actually may have gotten more done or had more fun here at home, but eh....any day that you get paid to not work is a fun day to me. So the hubby and I are going on a roadtrip. Driving from here to Florida. We're going down for a wedding that we're in and decided that-

Currently listening to: "Be Gentle With Me" by the boy least likely to

..Sorry, sometimes I have ADD. Anyway. We decided that driving down was ultimately cheaper than flying from point A to point Q. We're stopping in VA to visit my brother and sister-in-law (they're in the Air Force..they are important...they do lots of big and secret things), then going to see my girl Kim in NC. We're gonna tour around Duke (she works there) and we have skimmed the idea of visiting my Grammie. However, only for an hour. When she visits us, she pulls that "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub....ok we're going to Atlantic City now, BYE!" After that, it's a drive with stops, but heading straight to Miami, I think. Who knows? But I DO know this: we ARE DEFINITELY stopping at South of the Border.

What is South of the Border you ask? No, we aren't going to Mexico. It's this most awesomely cheesy place on the state line between North Carolina and South Carolina that is nothing short of a calamitous atrocity. And I love it. It's just so great. And I promise that this will be my last photo.

Anyway, I just wanted to inform you lovely readers that I'll be on vacation shortly. Am I excited? I've been more excited at other events, but yes, I will be especially happy to see my bro and my good friends. And don't worry. I'll be blogging that week too.

And I'll even take my own stock photos of South of the Border for you. :)

...and you all laughed....

You know what?!?!?! WE'VE FINALLY HAD OUR DAY!!!!!!

Booyah bitches!!

33 things you didn't ever care to know about me

1. If a song comes on during a movie that I know, I sing it out loud. In the theatre. (I ignore all evil glances)
2. Cooking is therapeutic for me
3. I have a thing for Polaroids (and Polaroids have a thing for me)
4. I am NOT a happy person. I am a pessimist and enjoy dark, twisted, and gross humor.
5. However, when I smile, I think I'm decently pretty.
6. I used to think I was the only kid who thought their parents getting a divorce was a great thing. Now I know I'm not the only one.
7. Coral became my favorite color when I wore a dress in that color and someone told me I was pretty.
8. I skipped class more in undergrad than I did in high school.
9. I broke up with my elementary and middle school boyfriends all because I didn't want to kiss them.
10. I, ultimately, then, had my first kiss in 10th grade (yea I was a late one, but I sho' nuff caught up)
11. I don't like people who, when getting on an airplane, steal the blanket and pillow from Seat 12D because they are afraid they won't have a blanket or pillow when they get to their backrow seat.
12. I lost a baby tooth in 7th grade eating a Jolly Rancher in 3rd period English. I was so afraid to ask to leave I sat there with a Jolly Rancher, a tooth, and a bloody mouth until I went to Woodshop next period.
13. Walking home, some kid threw a glass bottle at me in 7th grade too. Yea.
14. Middle school, overall, was just tragic.
15. I punched a vending machine once. Still did not get said snack. But did hurt said hand.
16. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor. Then an obstetrician. Then I realized I was too stupid to be a doctor and decided I wanted to be a psychologist. Then I decided I was too dumb to be a psychologist and decided to be an elementary ed teacher. Then I decided I was too impatient for that and decided to be a college administrator.
    
17. I played soccer in high school. Then I decided I wasn't an athlete at all. So I stuck with marching band.
18. I like beer, tequila, and Jack. Thanks.
19. I lose gloves like a girl on Maury just lost her virginity.
20. If I'm on a plane, sometimes I picture myself crashing, and that eases the anxiety of picturing myself crashing (yea I know......twisted and horrible).
21. I tried Lean Cuisines once and hated the one I had.
22. The first college party I went to had soap on the floor and I immediately left.
23. I prefer dogs over cats, but still want a cat.
24. I don't like tuna sandwiches.
25. Visiting Rome was probably the most walking I'd ever done in my entire life.
26. I like coming up with nicknames for people. Sometimes they stick, sometimes they don't.
27. I like school. I like discussions.
28. I used to work in Admissions. I learned some very valuable life skills from that alone.
29. I am extremely photogenic.
30. I don't like eating the edges of sandwiches, the ends of subs, or drinking the last bit of something.
31. I glare at my husband anytime he eats loudly or drinks loudly. I also glare at him when he crosses his legs.
    
32. I had my very first pair of eyeglasses stolen as a kid. I cried when I had to go home and tell my parents.
33. I saw Depeche Mode in concert. Twice. (Yea......yea......don't ask)
    

Why 33? Because I said so. That's why.

You Know You Had One

There's no possible way you could have made it through elementary school or even middle school for some without.....................

The Trapper Keeper.

How awesome were Trapper Keepers, right?! You could organize your entire life in those things. You were able to organize your work into sections, place all your 3 ring folders in there, and keep all those notes that your boyfriend/girlfriend wrote to you during class that you just couldn't get rid of. And there were so many designs too! What girl didn't have the Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper? What boy didn't want a cool Trapper Keeper that would show off their not yet developed machismo? Wanna know what MY Trapper Keeper was used for? I had to put it up everytime I had to take a test so the kid next to me wouldn't cheat off of me (because my elementary school was too poor to actually have space enough where we weren't sitting on top of each other). It seemed to take awhile for teachers to figure out that while we were putting these up to prevent others from cheating, we OURSELVES used our nifty Trappers to include all the notes for the test and flip through them during the test, which essentially aided in our own downward spiral into personal dishonesty.

My generation loved you, oh Trapper Keeper. Maybe you'll make a comeback and show the kids today how it's done. You saved my life Trapper Keeper.....ok maybe not, but you definitely organized my work through the beginning of 7th grade; until I realized that colorful binders with velcro were NOT the coolest thing to carry home with you. You could get jumped for that shit.

Please take a moment to remember your Trapper Keeper, and if you had one, feel free to share with me and the world anything about it (and no, Mead is NOT paying me for this).


**A good friend sent this to me after reading this blog, so here's the 1st edit. Have fun!!

..but the world MUST know that I....

So since my workplace banned Facebook, I have not been on it as much as I used to. Considering when I get home, I'm usually tired and don't care that 100 of my friends changed the "About Me" section of their pages or changed their Relationship status 3 times in one day. From the times I've logged in, I've noticed a constant. People are falling ill with the TMI disease. If you don't know what TMI stands for, it's "Too Much Information," but honestly, if you're reading my blog, you should already know that (considering that I often offer up too much information about MY life). But I'm talking about pictures of your pee stick when you found out you were pregnant, that Robbie now has the syph because he cheated on you...etc. So I decided there should be a rule book of examples of inappropriate Facebook statuses. Below, you will find some examples of things that fall into the TMI disease category (or anything that may be considered just inappropriate for sharing on Facebook:

Anonymous Male/Female User:
.....is currently taking a dump. And totally ran out of toilet paper.
.....is PREGNANT! Take a look at the proof baby!! (see inset photo of pee stick)
.....is with his/her therapist working out his/her daddy issues. Pass the tissues.
.....is currently being stabbed.
.....is currently being arrested. Post bail ASAP.
.....is wondering why her roommate must be so loud during sex. Honestly, he's not THAT good in bed. TRUST ME.
.....is at his/her grandma's funeral. And she didn't leave me anything either. :(
.....is currently hijacking a plane/robbing a bank bitches! Rock on! (side note: you KNOW at one point in your flying career that you've seen that ONE idiot who never turns their phone off during the flight and you want to shank them so bad. but that's another blog.)
.....has JUST gotten laid. I am AWESOME.
.....is taking an STD test at Planned Parenthood right now. Wish me luck!
.....just farted in his/her cubicle.
.....is waiting for the divorce papers to be signed already!
.....wishes the bank would stop calling for their money. He/she just ain't got it.
.....is up in the gym, just workin on his/her fitness...but just farted on the elliptical.
.....just drank a bottle of tequila while at ::hiccup:: work.
.....called in sick to play football with said homies (note: your boss is your friend on facebook)


If you've seen any inappropriate/TMI statuses on Facebook, or can think of anything that might be just as horrific, please, by all means, leave a message. We will stop these overzealous Facebookers, one stroke at a time.






(I meant one KEYSTROKE you pervs. Like typing? Get your mind out the gutter.)

Sharing is Caring...

...or not getting pummeled by 5,840 pounds of steel, plastic, and glass. In other words:



I've tried to be patient. I've tried to just suck it up. But I can't anymore. If you ride a bicycle in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, SHARE THE F*&!ING ROAD!!!!!!! There's even a flashing sign now on my way to work to remind us all to share the road. But I've found that bicyclists love to create their own rules. That they can be a car when they want and a pedestrian when they want. For example, not following traffic lights and weaving in and out of cars causing people to slam on their brakes. You, awful cyclist, obviously can't go the speed limit, so move over to the side of the road as close to the curb as you can. I don't WANT to hit you, but so help me, next time you don't move over and follow the rules, you can expect a headlight hanging from your helmet.

Things I Don't Want to Buy in Bulk at Costco

Everyone likes buying things in bulk. There's a certain level of joy knowing that you won't be buying toilet paper or fruit snacks for months. However, while previously walking through Costco, I realized that there are a few things that I either would NEVER want to buy at Costco, or just things that I'd never want to buy in bulk at Costco.

• Caskets
• Hamsters or Rabbits (can you imagine how many you might have in a few months?!)
• Immigrants
• Babies
• Passports
• A House
• Office Chairs
• Bibles
• Dentures
• Bounce Houses
• Powdered Milk
• Tickle-Me Elmo's
• Holy Water
• Season 1 of ChiP's on DVD (really, what was the point of that show?)
  

Love for my Stomping Grounds

I miss UM (University of Miami....not University of Michigan). And when I say I miss it, I really mean that I miss EVERYTHING. Including said overheard conversations from one of my favorite sites. Here are a few to share (and maybe now you'll all want to visit!):

Now I Only Eat It
Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.

University of Miami
Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Stosh
via Overheard Everywhere, Mar 7, 2008


Well, We Do Have a Couple Of Pre-op Trannies
Girl: Oh, I'm doing Zumba today at five.
Guy: What's Zumba? Can I do Zumba?
Girl: Well...you can.
Guy: I can?
Girl: Yeah, it's not like there's a sign that says "No penises allowed."
Guy: But "no penises" is implied.

University of Miami
Florida
via Overheard Everywhere, Apr 21, 2009


Pythagoras Is a Jealous God, People
Math teacher: If you fuck with numbers, you're fucking with god! And people get killed for that shit!
Overheard by: Tormented Math Student
via Overheard Everywhere, Jan 29, 2009



But srsly, I got 2 degrees from there, I turned out fine. :)

Believable or Not???

Any suggestions?