- Drop down and get their eagle on
- Wear anything resembling the "business" of the opposite sex
- Buy/adopt cats and give them names that sound like they have a mothball scent attached to it, like Mittens or Buttons
- Procreation
- Heavy lifting
- Tanning (naturally in the sun or in a salon)
- Take steroids
- Build evil robots to take over the world
- Buy a Lil Wayne or Lady Gaga CD
- Ride sleds
- Be on Facebook or use Twitter (Interests: Boost, Days of Our Lives, Bingo...)
- Drive
- Get drunk/high (but this may actually be quite humorous)
- Get a weave
- Wear anything with the word "Juicy" on it (bonus points if it's spelled out in rhinestones)
- Wear thongs or speedos
- Do body shots
- Use a gas stove to cook ("Cecil....how long have the beans been on???")
21 April 2009
Things people 65 & over should NOT do
So my best friend (Marcus) and I decided to come up with a list together of things people 65 & over shouldn't do. It may not be a fair list, but really, think about it. Then picture one of your grandparents doing it. I guarantee it's not pretty.
20 April 2009
Nuevo!
Check out the nuevo-ness of the blog. Hope you like the changes coming at 'cha.
Boo- tothe-yah.
Boo- tothe-yah.
17 April 2009
It's Hot
Being mobile is awesome. It let's me share with you all that I'm sweltering right now sitting in this rental car(I'm in Miami). I can barely blog because my hands are so damn sweaty. Save me Jeebus.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
16 April 2009
I'm Mobile!!
I'm mobile too b*tches!!!! Holllllerrrrrrrrrr
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Errplane
I thought exposing these three stories was appropriate considering that I will be flying to Miami tomorrow morning. Who wouldn't be intrigued by snakes on a plane, a man urinating on a woman during a flight, and a man driving through the gates of a runway up to a plane because he said he needed to get to Israel because he had all "the answers." I hit the jackpot in terms of timing.
Let's just hope I can have minimal incidents this weekend.
Let's just hope I can have minimal incidents this weekend.
15 April 2009
"Reality"
Dear NBC, ABC, Fox, MTV, and VH1,
Please stop making reality series (except for SuperNanny. Please keep SuperNanny). It's like watching a train wreck. You don't really want to watch what's about to happen, but you just can't help it!
Remember THIS train wreck???
And THIS one??
Ok well those 2 have a common thread, but still! Srsly. I believe that sitcoms still have potential, power, and an active audience. I just started watching "Better Off Ted" on ABC, and you did well ABC. I like it alot. But Fox.....you plan on making a reality show based on people getting laid off?? See that line back there? Yea, way back there. Keep looking. Keep going. Yea, right there? See it? YOU CROSSED IT A LONG TIME AGO.
Please take my plea into consideration. My generation and future generations should no longer be subjected to such hideous displays of "employment." Because it's not really reality. Maybe for some smaller sub sections, but no one benefits from it. Even on Extreme Makeover, these beautiful houses are built to help families in need, but did anyone stop to think about the taxes on these things after ABC wheels away the bus and the volunteer workers???? Thanks for your "donations" Sears and JC Penney, but someone ends up paying for it.
I look forward to discussing with you how we can change the future of television. You can contact me anytime.
Sincerely,
Concerned Viewer
Please stop making reality series (except for SuperNanny. Please keep SuperNanny). It's like watching a train wreck. You don't really want to watch what's about to happen, but you just can't help it!
Remember THIS train wreck???
And THIS one??
Ok well those 2 have a common thread, but still! Srsly. I believe that sitcoms still have potential, power, and an active audience. I just started watching "Better Off Ted" on ABC, and you did well ABC. I like it alot. But Fox.....you plan on making a reality show based on people getting laid off?? See that line back there? Yea, way back there. Keep looking. Keep going. Yea, right there? See it? YOU CROSSED IT A LONG TIME AGO.
Please take my plea into consideration. My generation and future generations should no longer be subjected to such hideous displays of "employment." Because it's not really reality. Maybe for some smaller sub sections, but no one benefits from it. Even on Extreme Makeover, these beautiful houses are built to help families in need, but did anyone stop to think about the taxes on these things after ABC wheels away the bus and the volunteer workers???? Thanks for your "donations" Sears and JC Penney, but someone ends up paying for it.
I look forward to discussing with you how we can change the future of television. You can contact me anytime.
Sincerely,
Concerned Viewer
13 April 2009
Resurrection 2.0
Happy Belated Easter all! Guess who went to mass yesterday? That would be me (but I generally go to mass anyway, which is where alot of my blog material comes from...is that wrong??). Mass was a shitshow yesterday and here is why: CatholicswhosaytheyareCatholicbutonlycometochurchonXmasEveandEaster. Just stay home, like any other Sunday. The fact that you only come to mass the night that Jesus was born and then the day he was resurrected should tell you something. I'm not holier than thou either, but I try to make a solid effort to go most Sundays strictly for some blog worthy material (while trying to learn a valuable lesson every now and then). Anyway, do what you want, but you should come for the show more often. It's entertaining.
That being said, in short here is what happened yesterday: almost had a panic attack due to the amount of people in the pews, in the aisles, and by the front door standing. The old man next to me ended up sitting TOO close and I'm pretty sure he heard me huff and puff to Ryan about him sitting on my coat and purse when his wife invited someone else to sit in the pew that already had no more room. So he kind of cut his eyes at me during "Peace Be With You" and barely shook my hand. Screw you buddy. Don't sit on my sh*t next time and maybe I'll want to punch you less.
There were kids everywhere, and I wanted to punch most of them in the ear. There were 3 girls in front of me with their parents and grandparents. The two oldest ones were talking about getting a dog. The fatter one said "It is my lifelong dream to get a dog and name him Spotty." (Honey, if that's your lifelong dream, you've got OTHER problems). The younger one who will probably get married first said "I want to get a Chihuahua and name him Olé." EVERYONE turned around, non-family included, and gave her the "Aww, isn't that SO precious?!" glance and head nod. Sorry chunkster, I think your sis won that round.
Besides the cacophony of child cries, the woman who clapped at the end of the homily, the scuffle that broke out in the communion line between mother and daughter, and woman downing the rest of the wine, mass wasn't terrible. I guess I just can't handle all those people.
What tops off the morning was our trip to IHOP for breakfast. It wasn't crowded at all, and this woman and her boyfriend kind of cut in front of me to give the host their name. But they asked "What's the wait time for 2?" The guy said "No more than 5 minutes, we aren't busy." The couple stood there debating if 5 minutes was too long and then said "Do you think it'll take that long? Can you seat us now?" The guy just stood there looking at them with the "Are you nuts?" look and said "Um, you can put your names in and I'm pretty sure you will be seated soon. The guy says (which I had to repeat to Ryan later and once he realized what he said, broke out into an unstoppable fit of laughter), "Well, she has REALLY been craving a waffle, so can you seat us now?" WHAT?! This isn't a 5 star restaurant amigo. This is IHOP. Put your name in and sit down and wait to be called, it's not even a 5 minute wait!!!! He used her waffle craving as the reason why they needed to be seated that instant. We laughed all the way through breakfast.
Hopefully I'll see some of you on the next major holiday (Could be Administrative Professionals Day OR Cinco de Mayo....BYOB though). Doesn't have to be at mass, maybe we can just go to IHOP and share some waffles together. I know you've been craving one.
That being said, in short here is what happened yesterday: almost had a panic attack due to the amount of people in the pews, in the aisles, and by the front door standing. The old man next to me ended up sitting TOO close and I'm pretty sure he heard me huff and puff to Ryan about him sitting on my coat and purse when his wife invited someone else to sit in the pew that already had no more room. So he kind of cut his eyes at me during "Peace Be With You" and barely shook my hand. Screw you buddy. Don't sit on my sh*t next time and maybe I'll want to punch you less.
There were kids everywhere, and I wanted to punch most of them in the ear. There were 3 girls in front of me with their parents and grandparents. The two oldest ones were talking about getting a dog. The fatter one said "It is my lifelong dream to get a dog and name him Spotty." (Honey, if that's your lifelong dream, you've got OTHER problems). The younger one who will probably get married first said "I want to get a Chihuahua and name him Olé." EVERYONE turned around, non-family included, and gave her the "Aww, isn't that SO precious?!" glance and head nod. Sorry chunkster, I think your sis won that round.
Besides the cacophony of child cries, the woman who clapped at the end of the homily, the scuffle that broke out in the communion line between mother and daughter, and woman downing the rest of the wine, mass wasn't terrible. I guess I just can't handle all those people.
What tops off the morning was our trip to IHOP for breakfast. It wasn't crowded at all, and this woman and her boyfriend kind of cut in front of me to give the host their name. But they asked "What's the wait time for 2?" The guy said "No more than 5 minutes, we aren't busy." The couple stood there debating if 5 minutes was too long and then said "Do you think it'll take that long? Can you seat us now?" The guy just stood there looking at them with the "Are you nuts?" look and said "Um, you can put your names in and I'm pretty sure you will be seated soon. The guy says (which I had to repeat to Ryan later and once he realized what he said, broke out into an unstoppable fit of laughter), "Well, she has REALLY been craving a waffle, so can you seat us now?" WHAT?! This isn't a 5 star restaurant amigo. This is IHOP. Put your name in and sit down and wait to be called, it's not even a 5 minute wait!!!! He used her waffle craving as the reason why they needed to be seated that instant. We laughed all the way through breakfast.
Hopefully I'll see some of you on the next major holiday (Could be Administrative Professionals Day OR Cinco de Mayo....BYOB though). Doesn't have to be at mass, maybe we can just go to IHOP and share some waffles together. I know you've been craving one.
10 April 2009
Overdue Tribute
This is 2 or 3 years overdue, but I salute you Jim Cantore of The Weather Channel. In fact, I slightly adore you.
The frequency with which I'd watch The Weather Channel increased when I moved to South Florida, the land of hurricanes, random tornadoes every now and then, and rain beyond rain. When I lived off campus, I was more concerned about hurricane season due to a car being out in the open environment where a tree could land on it, losing a roof, etc., so I watched TWC and first saw Jim Cantore. He had such a passion for the weather, telling one hurricane "Enough is enough" that we could NOT stop watching him and kept TWC on all evening. That hurricane did not rip off our roof, but one that came rolling through 2 months later did pull up our roof enough that we had leaks in our ceiling. But thanks to Jim Cantore's reporting, we were prepared with tons of canned crap we normally wouldnt eat other than when NOT having power for a week and took long showers the night before just in case.
If you see Jim Cantore in your town, that's probably not a good sign. You should probably pack up and leave for a few days, as death and destruction will soon follow. But we appreciate your fearless reporting and love of all things weather-related. This was long overdue, but you're a total rockstar Jimmy.
The frequency with which I'd watch The Weather Channel increased when I moved to South Florida, the land of hurricanes, random tornadoes every now and then, and rain beyond rain. When I lived off campus, I was more concerned about hurricane season due to a car being out in the open environment where a tree could land on it, losing a roof, etc., so I watched TWC and first saw Jim Cantore. He had such a passion for the weather, telling one hurricane "Enough is enough" that we could NOT stop watching him and kept TWC on all evening. That hurricane did not rip off our roof, but one that came rolling through 2 months later did pull up our roof enough that we had leaks in our ceiling. But thanks to Jim Cantore's reporting, we were prepared with tons of canned crap we normally wouldnt eat other than when NOT having power for a week and took long showers the night before just in case.
If you see Jim Cantore in your town, that's probably not a good sign. You should probably pack up and leave for a few days, as death and destruction will soon follow. But we appreciate your fearless reporting and love of all things weather-related. This was long overdue, but you're a total rockstar Jimmy.
09 April 2009
I saw you again Blue Ford Focus
Today you are parked on 3, right around the corner from me. You also have a UM alumni license plate for the back license plate. Why do you torture me so? You know you want to meet me. Stop playing car games.
Sincerely,
Black woman in the Black Ford Explorer SportTrac
Sincerely,
Black woman in the Black Ford Explorer SportTrac
08 April 2009
To You, Blue Ford Focus
Dear Blue Ford Focus,
I've seen you driving around on School Street and apparently, you either work at the Arsenal too, or you go to the gym there. Yesterday, 4/7/09, you even parked next to me. Do you know why I want to know you? Because you have a "U" front license plate and my Black Ford Explorer SportTrac has a "U" license plate holder and a big orange and green "U" on the back window. Our cars are destined to meet. To the woman who drives the Focus, I also think we are destined to meet and share conversation about ye olde days at the University of Miami. You parked next to me and when I went to my car after 5:30pm, you were still there. I let my car start up, in hopes you might walk out to your car, but you did not. I then left my space, circled around the floor to exit, and then I saw you starting YOUR car. I missed you by 30 seconds.
So to you mysterious woman in the Blue Ford Focus with the "U" license plate, one day, we shall meet.
Sincerely yours,
Woman in the Black Ford Explorer SportTrac
I've seen you driving around on School Street and apparently, you either work at the Arsenal too, or you go to the gym there. Yesterday, 4/7/09, you even parked next to me. Do you know why I want to know you? Because you have a "U" front license plate and my Black Ford Explorer SportTrac has a "U" license plate holder and a big orange and green "U" on the back window. Our cars are destined to meet. To the woman who drives the Focus, I also think we are destined to meet and share conversation about ye olde days at the University of Miami. You parked next to me and when I went to my car after 5:30pm, you were still there. I let my car start up, in hopes you might walk out to your car, but you did not. I then left my space, circled around the floor to exit, and then I saw you starting YOUR car. I missed you by 30 seconds.
So to you mysterious woman in the Blue Ford Focus with the "U" license plate, one day, we shall meet.
Sincerely yours,
Woman in the Black Ford Explorer SportTrac
02 April 2009
Lexi's Gym Adventures
So I finally joined the gym. A gym. Whatever. I don't like to physically exert myself other than....well...yea. So this was a huge step for me. Is it a step in the right direction? Who knows what the "right direction" is anyway? It's a step somewhere.
I signed up on March 24th and finally, albeit slightly begrudingly, walked thru the doors with the intention to wear a sports bra and move my limbs last night. I didn't want to go in alone, so I forced my friend and awesome co-worker Stef to walk in with me and show me the ways of the women's locker room, as old saggy boobs and random towels do not appeal to me. I've decided that for now, I'm sticking with yoga until I'm more comfortable navigating my way around the gym. After Stef ensured me over and over that I wouldn't die in the gym, I forced her to walk me to the yoga class, walk me INSIDE the room, and then after I put my mat down, I let her leave me (sound familiar? YEA, FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN).
The class was good though, I liked it. Except...except for Godzilla. Yoga is supposed to be calm, quiet, and relaxing, and after awhile, give me better posture, flexibility, etc. But when you have this in your class:
...it's kind of hard to concentrate on anything OTHER than the loud heavy breathing. Imagine Godzilla in your yoga class. Then imagine that Godzilla is auditioning for a role in the movie "Fame." Your yoga experience has now been slightly tainted, hasn't it? For the most part, I liked the class; the instructor walks around and her voice was so calming. She even walked around and gave everyone of us back rubs (LUCKY!). But I don't know that I enjoy class with Godzilla and also, the two people right next to me. I couldn't stand their conversation before the class started. Maybe I was just jealous that no one came with me ::coughcoughSTEFcoughcough::
All in all, it was a positive experience and I'll be going back. After all, I'm paying for the membership, so I guess I should be going back. Then again, there IS a smoothie bar at the front.......
I signed up on March 24th and finally, albeit slightly begrudingly, walked thru the doors with the intention to wear a sports bra and move my limbs last night. I didn't want to go in alone, so I forced my friend and awesome co-worker Stef to walk in with me and show me the ways of the women's locker room, as old saggy boobs and random towels do not appeal to me. I've decided that for now, I'm sticking with yoga until I'm more comfortable navigating my way around the gym. After Stef ensured me over and over that I wouldn't die in the gym, I forced her to walk me to the yoga class, walk me INSIDE the room, and then after I put my mat down, I let her leave me (sound familiar? YEA, FIRST DAY OF KINDERGARTEN).
The class was good though, I liked it. Except...except for Godzilla. Yoga is supposed to be calm, quiet, and relaxing, and after awhile, give me better posture, flexibility, etc. But when you have this in your class:
...it's kind of hard to concentrate on anything OTHER than the loud heavy breathing. Imagine Godzilla in your yoga class. Then imagine that Godzilla is auditioning for a role in the movie "Fame." Your yoga experience has now been slightly tainted, hasn't it? For the most part, I liked the class; the instructor walks around and her voice was so calming. She even walked around and gave everyone of us back rubs (LUCKY!). But I don't know that I enjoy class with Godzilla and also, the two people right next to me. I couldn't stand their conversation before the class started. Maybe I was just jealous that no one came with me ::coughcoughSTEFcoughcough::
All in all, it was a positive experience and I'll be going back. After all, I'm paying for the membership, so I guess I should be going back. Then again, there IS a smoothie bar at the front.......
01 April 2009
It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
I don't think I quite understand why every time some organization has a food drive, they always ask for peanut butter, jelly, and usually canned tuna. If I were on the receiving end of said food drive, I'd like a $20 gift card to the supermarket to blow on organic bread or soy milk. Not everyone likes peanut butter and jelly. Not everyone likes tuna. And just because I may be hungry/homeless/whatever, doesn't mean I don't want chicken, beef, or mashed potatoes. Used clothes drive? Yea, that's fine, I like vintage or previously worn items. I'm ok with that. But at least spring for a little more than peanut butter and jelly. Besides, I'm allergic. Pass the salmon please.
24 March 2009
Professional Endeavor
I've decided to start my own business! Yes, that's right. Lexi Losch is going into business for herself. I'm a huge fan of educating the kids, so what better way to do that than opening up a center for kids to congregate? Welcome to:
"The Center for Things Lexi Can't Do or Doesn't Do Well but Wants to Teach Kids To Do Good."
Zoolander is my inspiration and I'll be asking him for some start up money.
The idea for this came about on Sunday when discussing my lack of interest for skiing, but that I'd love to teach kids how to ski anyway. Ryan said "But they'd fail." I told him that they wouldn't; that they'd know to do the exact opposite of what I told them to do (pizza.....french fries....). Below, find a list of classes that I'd offer (based on the name of the center):
Skiing (Learn how to put the long things on that take you down a hill or whatever)
Calculus...or any Math for that matter (1+1=2??? Nah, let's look at that again..)
Sports (Wait, basketball DOESN'T have a quarterback??)
Moonwalking (This class may have a size limit based on the instructor)
Drawing (Look, just put the glue on your hands and peel it off, I don't know where the pencils are)
Drinking (They have to learn SOMETIME, right? Why not with a responsible adult?)
Singing ( If Sanjaya can make it, so can you!!)
Fixing Computers (Kick it twice and if it still doesn't work, get the bat)
And this is just the beginning! I'm still looking for sponsors just in case, so if you're willing to help, feel free to send all your money, I mean, a kind donation, to my home address. But I only take cash. Remember, I'm not really all that great with math.
"The Center for Things Lexi Can't Do or Doesn't Do Well but Wants to Teach Kids To Do Good."
Zoolander is my inspiration and I'll be asking him for some start up money.
The idea for this came about on Sunday when discussing my lack of interest for skiing, but that I'd love to teach kids how to ski anyway. Ryan said "But they'd fail." I told him that they wouldn't; that they'd know to do the exact opposite of what I told them to do (pizza.....french fries....). Below, find a list of classes that I'd offer (based on the name of the center):
Skiing (Learn how to put the long things on that take you down a hill or whatever)
Calculus...or any Math for that matter (1+1=2??? Nah, let's look at that again..)
Sports (Wait, basketball DOESN'T have a quarterback??)
Moonwalking (This class may have a size limit based on the instructor)
Drawing (Look, just put the glue on your hands and peel it off, I don't know where the pencils are)
Drinking (They have to learn SOMETIME, right? Why not with a responsible adult?)
Singing ( If Sanjaya can make it, so can you!!)
Fixing Computers (Kick it twice and if it still doesn't work, get the bat)
And this is just the beginning! I'm still looking for sponsors just in case, so if you're willing to help, feel free to send all your money, I mean, a kind donation, to my home address. But I only take cash. Remember, I'm not really all that great with math.
20 March 2009
MBTA is going the wrong way
Some of the worst feelings in the world are:
Being dumped
Realizing you ran out of toilet paper AFTER you've sat down on the toilet
Waiting for the 20 minute late bus
Today, MBTA, you had not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, BUT 7 BUSES in the span on a 1 1/2 block radius, which tells me, yes, you were NOT running on schedule. You normally don't, but it was exceptionally bad this morning. Luckily I drove in, but there were parties of people at ALL bus stops. There were, on average, about 15 people per bus stop, and those are the stops no one really gets on at either!! This is also in Belmont, MA mind you, not even downtown Boston. In other words, MBTA, you suck. You really suck. You seriously can't raise fares without making positive changes to your performance. If you can't even balance a schedule, there's no wonder why you and Deval can't balance the budget. Get it together. Srsly.
Being dumped
Realizing you ran out of toilet paper AFTER you've sat down on the toilet
Waiting for the 20 minute late bus
Today, MBTA, you had not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, BUT 7 BUSES in the span on a 1 1/2 block radius, which tells me, yes, you were NOT running on schedule. You normally don't, but it was exceptionally bad this morning. Luckily I drove in, but there were parties of people at ALL bus stops. There were, on average, about 15 people per bus stop, and those are the stops no one really gets on at either!! This is also in Belmont, MA mind you, not even downtown Boston. In other words, MBTA, you suck. You really suck. You seriously can't raise fares without making positive changes to your performance. If you can't even balance a schedule, there's no wonder why you and Deval can't balance the budget. Get it together. Srsly.
18 March 2009
I repeat, NO I'm not interested
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Around 2:30pm-ish
Offender: Barnes and Noble employee(s)
Offense: Let me provide you with a background story first. (In Miami, Barnes and Noble was usually my choice of book vendor. They were usually in a place where I happened to be when out for the day, so I would make a special effort to make my way to B&N. Because of this, I signed up for the Membership, which was $25 for the year, which provided me with significant savings. It was worth it then. Ryan and I then moved to Boston and he signed up for a membership at the Coop for $2 and he gets money back at the end of each year for savings. We also go to Borders. I also now go to the Boston Public Library because the library here is awesome and it's free, so I like saving money. Therefore, we did NOT renew our B&N membership.)
This past Sunday, we both decided to buy a few books at B&N. I bought 3 and Ryan bought 2. We checked out separately because if we didn't, it would have been $100 or more on someone's bank card. No biggie. I go to check out first and the employee starts to ring up my purchases. She then says "Do you have a Barnes and Noble membership card with us?" I replied "No I don't." She says "Hmm. Well you should sign up for one, you'd save money today." I said "I don't want to, but thank you." What happened next scared me a little and if you've seen the movie "Coraline," this woman turned into The Other Mother. She then says "WELL YOU'D SAVE AT LEAST $8 IF YOU SIGNED UP FOR ONE!! I don't understand why you aren't signing up for one." (Just like The Other Mother didn't understand why Coraline didn't want buttons sewn into her eyes!!!) I looked at her stunned, swiped my card and said "Um, I don't want one. Can you check me out please?" She then rolls her eyes and says "Ok, FINE. That'll be $48.75. It'd be alot less if you signed up for a membership." I cut my eyes at her, put in my pin, took my books, and said "Thanks, have a good day!" I walked back to Ryan who was checking out at this point and I walked into a conversation he was having with the other B&N employee. The employee was saying "Well why don't you give me the phone number of a relative, a friend, anyone. I bet they have a card." (The employee apparently said to Ryan before I walked over: "I KNOOOWWWW you have a Barnes and Noble membership card. I just know you do." Ryan said "Uh, no I don't and I'm not interested.") So as he was asking for a phone number, Ryan said "No. No one I know. No one. I just want to check out." The guys says "Well you'd save-" I cut in and said "No. Let's go. Cmon. We have to go." Ryan swiped his card as the guy was saying "Well you would have saved some money today." He took his books and we hustled out the store. We got outside and literally both said "OH MY GOD!!!!! Did you HEAR that???!" We ranted about it for a good 5 minutes, deducing that we don't go there enough to make the savings for the year worthwhile, that the woman was an extreme, expired douchebag, and that we were violated.
Verdict: Both employees are guilty of "Membership Pushing/Dealing" and must serve 6 months in the Boston Public Library learning how a free membership to a library saves money and makes people smile. Also, 1,000 hours of community service at Panera, learning how to make my breakfast sandwiches the right way.
Around 2:30pm-ish
Offender: Barnes and Noble employee(s)
Offense: Let me provide you with a background story first. (In Miami, Barnes and Noble was usually my choice of book vendor. They were usually in a place where I happened to be when out for the day, so I would make a special effort to make my way to B&N. Because of this, I signed up for the Membership, which was $25 for the year, which provided me with significant savings. It was worth it then. Ryan and I then moved to Boston and he signed up for a membership at the Coop for $2 and he gets money back at the end of each year for savings. We also go to Borders. I also now go to the Boston Public Library because the library here is awesome and it's free, so I like saving money. Therefore, we did NOT renew our B&N membership.)
This past Sunday, we both decided to buy a few books at B&N. I bought 3 and Ryan bought 2. We checked out separately because if we didn't, it would have been $100 or more on someone's bank card. No biggie. I go to check out first and the employee starts to ring up my purchases. She then says "Do you have a Barnes and Noble membership card with us?" I replied "No I don't." She says "Hmm. Well you should sign up for one, you'd save money today." I said "I don't want to, but thank you." What happened next scared me a little and if you've seen the movie "Coraline," this woman turned into The Other Mother. She then says "WELL YOU'D SAVE AT LEAST $8 IF YOU SIGNED UP FOR ONE!! I don't understand why you aren't signing up for one." (Just like The Other Mother didn't understand why Coraline didn't want buttons sewn into her eyes!!!) I looked at her stunned, swiped my card and said "Um, I don't want one. Can you check me out please?" She then rolls her eyes and says "Ok, FINE. That'll be $48.75. It'd be alot less if you signed up for a membership." I cut my eyes at her, put in my pin, took my books, and said "Thanks, have a good day!" I walked back to Ryan who was checking out at this point and I walked into a conversation he was having with the other B&N employee. The employee was saying "Well why don't you give me the phone number of a relative, a friend, anyone. I bet they have a card." (The employee apparently said to Ryan before I walked over: "I KNOOOWWWW you have a Barnes and Noble membership card. I just know you do." Ryan said "Uh, no I don't and I'm not interested.") So as he was asking for a phone number, Ryan said "No. No one I know. No one. I just want to check out." The guys says "Well you'd save-" I cut in and said "No. Let's go. Cmon. We have to go." Ryan swiped his card as the guy was saying "Well you would have saved some money today." He took his books and we hustled out the store. We got outside and literally both said "OH MY GOD!!!!! Did you HEAR that???!" We ranted about it for a good 5 minutes, deducing that we don't go there enough to make the savings for the year worthwhile, that the woman was an extreme, expired douchebag, and that we were violated.
Verdict: Both employees are guilty of "Membership Pushing/Dealing" and must serve 6 months in the Boston Public Library learning how a free membership to a library saves money and makes people smile. Also, 1,000 hours of community service at Panera, learning how to make my breakfast sandwiches the right way.
12 March 2009
Forever Indeed
Please don't let this turn into something it's notI can only give you everything I've gotI can't be as sorry as you think I shouldBut I still love you more than anyone else couldAll that I keep thinking throughout this whole fightIs it could take my whole damn life to make this rightThis splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me longBecause I know fine well that what I did was wrong
04 March 2009
Florida
Things I miss about Florida:
The beach
Arroz con pollo from La Carreta
Sun
Sun showers
University of Miami
Sunday brunch at 94th Aero Sqaudron
Lincoln Road
Bayside
Going to the beach in the "winter"
Flip flops all year round
Football (UM, no Dolphins please, thanks)
Orlando being in close distance
The easy awarding of drivers licenses
Party boats all year round
No state taxes
Things I DON'T miss about Florida:
The rest of the state besides South Florida
University of Florida
Florida State University
Hurricanes
The ease of awarding drivers licenses
Getting caught in the rain at any random moment of the day
Santa's Enchanted Forest traffic
Los Cubanos who lived 2 doors down from me
Hialeah
Metro-Rail
The Trick-Daddy's of every ghetto neighborhood
The beach
Arroz con pollo from La Carreta
Sun
Sun showers
University of Miami
Sunday brunch at 94th Aero Sqaudron
Lincoln Road
Bayside
Going to the beach in the "winter"
Flip flops all year round
Football (UM, no Dolphins please, thanks)
Orlando being in close distance
The easy awarding of drivers licenses
Party boats all year round
No state taxes
Things I DON'T miss about Florida:
The rest of the state besides South Florida
University of Florida
Florida State University
Hurricanes
The ease of awarding drivers licenses
Getting caught in the rain at any random moment of the day
Santa's Enchanted Forest traffic
Los Cubanos who lived 2 doors down from me
Hialeah
Metro-Rail
The Trick-Daddy's of every ghetto neighborhood
22 February 2009
An Overdue Week in Review
Ah yes, I've been gone too long, mostly because my life is usually unfit to blog about. But then again, no one really reads this and I'm barely watching the Oscars soooo yea. Happy Sunday all. Let me bring you up to speed with what I've been doing:
NOTHING. Ryan left me last Monday to go to the Dominican Republic, but not before he got food poisoning from eating at Skipjack's and then of course, I got mine Monday evening. He was already gone, so I was left to my own devices(rolling around on the cold bathroom tile to feel better until 2:30am). Other than that, I've been talking to myself alot, and having one sided conversations with my dog. I did, however, buy a used 35mm film camera, which I'm super excited to learn how to use and learn how to actually take good pictures. We'll see, it might be awhile before the good part of that happens. For now, I'm taking pictures. I've also spent way too much time at the library.
(By the way, who DOESN'T love Alan Arkin? "Every night its the godddamned chicken." Go see Little Miss Sunshine if you haven't. Nerd.)
Friday night I went to dinner with 2 friends at the Texas Roadhouse. If you've never been to one, and you have an appreciation for warm rolls and sweet tea, then you should go just for that. The most important part of that night was the true acknowledgement of what my friend likes to call "the dealbreaker." This is the kind of friend who wears purple sweatpants, out in public. Which is nowhere near a dealbreaker for me, and I've made that clear to him. In fact, I love the purple sweatpants. What I DON'T love....men who wear pinky rings. I'm sorry, but that is my dealbreaker. I explained that to my friend and he laughed at me. But really!! There was a man sitting in my line of sight, who I ended up calling Liam Neeson to my friend Chris. He had slicked back hair, was wearing a sweater that looked like his mother knitted it back in the 80's, a HOOP earring in his left ear, annnnnnnnnd a pinky ring. Yes. I almost spat out my tea when I saw the light reflect off of it. But it apparently wasn't a dealbreaker for some other woman, because he had on a wedding band. Still, it's my dealbreaker.
Since the husband was still frolicking in the Dominican Republic, I went to the movies alone, which is HIGHLY underrated. It's a pretty nice experience. If you haven't done it, try it. I saw "Coraline" which was a really really good movie. My Saturday turned out to be pretty productive for many reasons, but nothing that would interest anyone else, so I'll keep that to myself. It was a good day and left me feeling hopeful.
Must have been a movie weekend for me because I ordered one on ON DEMAND. I finally saw "The Family That Prey's" and it was great. Ended up crying like a baby, but that's ok. I was alone, the dog was asleep, and it was dark and rainy outside. But I did some laundry, cleaned out the fridge, read, painted, wrote, cooked, and Sunday left me feeling pretty good. Maybe I'm telling you all of this useless crap because this weekend, I felt more like me than I have in a long time. I just need to figure out a way to feel like this all the time!
Enough rambling, I guess I'll keep watching the Oscars. Hopefully Hugh Jackman will put those leather pants on that he wore as Wolverine in X-Men. A girl can hope.......
NOTHING. Ryan left me last Monday to go to the Dominican Republic, but not before he got food poisoning from eating at Skipjack's and then of course, I got mine Monday evening. He was already gone, so I was left to my own devices(rolling around on the cold bathroom tile to feel better until 2:30am). Other than that, I've been talking to myself alot, and having one sided conversations with my dog. I did, however, buy a used 35mm film camera, which I'm super excited to learn how to use and learn how to actually take good pictures. We'll see, it might be awhile before the good part of that happens. For now, I'm taking pictures. I've also spent way too much time at the library.
(By the way, who DOESN'T love Alan Arkin? "Every night its the godddamned chicken." Go see Little Miss Sunshine if you haven't. Nerd.)
Friday night I went to dinner with 2 friends at the Texas Roadhouse. If you've never been to one, and you have an appreciation for warm rolls and sweet tea, then you should go just for that. The most important part of that night was the true acknowledgement of what my friend likes to call "the dealbreaker." This is the kind of friend who wears purple sweatpants, out in public. Which is nowhere near a dealbreaker for me, and I've made that clear to him. In fact, I love the purple sweatpants. What I DON'T love....men who wear pinky rings. I'm sorry, but that is my dealbreaker. I explained that to my friend and he laughed at me. But really!! There was a man sitting in my line of sight, who I ended up calling Liam Neeson to my friend Chris. He had slicked back hair, was wearing a sweater that looked like his mother knitted it back in the 80's, a HOOP earring in his left ear, annnnnnnnnd a pinky ring. Yes. I almost spat out my tea when I saw the light reflect off of it. But it apparently wasn't a dealbreaker for some other woman, because he had on a wedding band. Still, it's my dealbreaker.
Since the husband was still frolicking in the Dominican Republic, I went to the movies alone, which is HIGHLY underrated. It's a pretty nice experience. If you haven't done it, try it. I saw "Coraline" which was a really really good movie. My Saturday turned out to be pretty productive for many reasons, but nothing that would interest anyone else, so I'll keep that to myself. It was a good day and left me feeling hopeful.
Must have been a movie weekend for me because I ordered one on ON DEMAND. I finally saw "The Family That Prey's" and it was great. Ended up crying like a baby, but that's ok. I was alone, the dog was asleep, and it was dark and rainy outside. But I did some laundry, cleaned out the fridge, read, painted, wrote, cooked, and Sunday left me feeling pretty good. Maybe I'm telling you all of this useless crap because this weekend, I felt more like me than I have in a long time. I just need to figure out a way to feel like this all the time!
Enough rambling, I guess I'll keep watching the Oscars. Hopefully Hugh Jackman will put those leather pants on that he wore as Wolverine in X-Men. A girl can hope.......
08 February 2009
Everytime you put a hole in your toy, a kitten dies
That's what I told my dog this weekend. He keeps putting holes in all his toys with his insatiable desire to find that damn squeaker, and if the toy DOESN'T have a squeaker, he still looks for one anyway by tearing it apart. So as I was rubbing his belly, I said "Everytime you put a hole in your toys, a kitten dies! Yes it does...yes it does." He almost kind of put his paw over his face and he hasn't really played with his toys since. I think I fucked him up.
So I had a pretty amazing Lexicentric weekend and I want to share with you things I've observed or seen this weekend, maybe even things I've learned. Here is my attempt to share my weekend with you(not including Mass...yea I've got another Mass story):
Saw a man on the T dressed in a jacket that can only be from the Mission Space ride at Disney(or he really thinks he's about to take off into space with his long silver jacket)
Right after that man, a very large man stepped onto the train, and took a seat between a 5 year old girl and a thinner man. He practically sat on top of the man and the thinner man, moved as close to the edge as he could and put his hood over his head. You could tell he was just trying to survive. Tried to take a picture, but was told it'd be obvious. Image/joke was then dampened and I sulked for the rest of the T ride.
UNTIL, I saw a kid get on the T with what can only be described as a Mexican mullet about to ship Chinese documents and a Chinese passport through FedEx.
Learned that I've come to love art more than I thought. More so the different mediums and level of expression. Went to the ICA and absolutely loved it. Can't wait to go back and explore more. While my husband was fully aware that I was NOT to be rushed (told him before that if he had things to do, to not come), he was still getting slightly impatient. I ignored and took my time.
I don't quite know how to have a discussion about art, I can only really describe how something makes ME feel or how I might interpret it, but I don't know enough to really hold my own. HOWEVER, there are too many people who feel the need to talk loudly in museums and galleries just to have their voice heard. I learned that some people should shut the fuck up.
Saw a female mullet on the T to Copley. Loved it.
2 lovely Russian women served me excellent chili at Wendy's(foot chili as my friend would call it). I wanted to thank them for the most excellent chili. Perfect temperature too.
The restrooms at the library are impeccably clean and very very quiet. Loved it.
Learned that I can be a better person. Someone asked me for 50cents and I gave him a dollar. I struggle too, but I think I made his day. Who knows. But I have alot to learn and I feel like I'm doing more to enlighten myself. It was a good feeling. But did I give him the dollar for my own selfish self-fulfillment or in true service? I like to think that yesterday, I didn't even think twice about it. But I need to think about it.
Realized that I mixed art, books, music, and my OWN art in one day. THAT was an amazing feeling.
After leaving Pearl in Central Square, we took the bus to Harvard Square and I decided I wanted to go to Black Ink (at this point, husband began to get a little impatient, as he wanted to get home, but I didn't care). On the way though, you'll never guess what I saw:
Yes. I totally saw a Panamanian flute band. And if you DON'T watch South Park, go find those 2 episodes. I nearly shit my pants in laughter and my husband finally even laughed out loud. Go see those episodes.
Learned that the battery on my phone is already starting to suck. But in learning the battery sucked, I realized how much I enjoy taking a picture a day for a new project my friend introduced me to. It's pretty fun.
Started an art project that I'm REALLY excited about and can't wait to see the end result. Preview to come.....maybe? :)
Here's what I learned about myself this weekend: I am fully capable of doing anything I want. But I need to work on myself before I really feel like I'm making a difference anywhere. I learned that my overall interests are more far reaching than I thought, and I'm proud of myself for opening my mind a little more. I can honestly say that I've been influenced a little, but I'll save that for another day.
Now stop reading my random shit and go read a book or something. If you don't, a kitten will die.
So I had a pretty amazing Lexicentric weekend and I want to share with you things I've observed or seen this weekend, maybe even things I've learned. Here is my attempt to share my weekend with you(not including Mass...yea I've got another Mass story):
Saw a man on the T dressed in a jacket that can only be from the Mission Space ride at Disney(or he really thinks he's about to take off into space with his long silver jacket)
Right after that man, a very large man stepped onto the train, and took a seat between a 5 year old girl and a thinner man. He practically sat on top of the man and the thinner man, moved as close to the edge as he could and put his hood over his head. You could tell he was just trying to survive. Tried to take a picture, but was told it'd be obvious. Image/joke was then dampened and I sulked for the rest of the T ride.
UNTIL, I saw a kid get on the T with what can only be described as a Mexican mullet about to ship Chinese documents and a Chinese passport through FedEx.
Learned that I've come to love art more than I thought. More so the different mediums and level of expression. Went to the ICA and absolutely loved it. Can't wait to go back and explore more. While my husband was fully aware that I was NOT to be rushed (told him before that if he had things to do, to not come), he was still getting slightly impatient. I ignored and took my time.
I don't quite know how to have a discussion about art, I can only really describe how something makes ME feel or how I might interpret it, but I don't know enough to really hold my own. HOWEVER, there are too many people who feel the need to talk loudly in museums and galleries just to have their voice heard. I learned that some people should shut the fuck up.
Saw a female mullet on the T to Copley. Loved it.
2 lovely Russian women served me excellent chili at Wendy's(foot chili as my friend would call it). I wanted to thank them for the most excellent chili. Perfect temperature too.
The restrooms at the library are impeccably clean and very very quiet. Loved it.
Learned that I can be a better person. Someone asked me for 50cents and I gave him a dollar. I struggle too, but I think I made his day. Who knows. But I have alot to learn and I feel like I'm doing more to enlighten myself. It was a good feeling. But did I give him the dollar for my own selfish self-fulfillment or in true service? I like to think that yesterday, I didn't even think twice about it. But I need to think about it.
Realized that I mixed art, books, music, and my OWN art in one day. THAT was an amazing feeling.
After leaving Pearl in Central Square, we took the bus to Harvard Square and I decided I wanted to go to Black Ink (at this point, husband began to get a little impatient, as he wanted to get home, but I didn't care). On the way though, you'll never guess what I saw:
Yes. I totally saw a Panamanian flute band. And if you DON'T watch South Park, go find those 2 episodes. I nearly shit my pants in laughter and my husband finally even laughed out loud. Go see those episodes.
Learned that the battery on my phone is already starting to suck. But in learning the battery sucked, I realized how much I enjoy taking a picture a day for a new project my friend introduced me to. It's pretty fun.
Started an art project that I'm REALLY excited about and can't wait to see the end result. Preview to come.....maybe? :)
Here's what I learned about myself this weekend: I am fully capable of doing anything I want. But I need to work on myself before I really feel like I'm making a difference anywhere. I learned that my overall interests are more far reaching than I thought, and I'm proud of myself for opening my mind a little more. I can honestly say that I've been influenced a little, but I'll save that for another day.
Now stop reading my random shit and go read a book or something. If you don't, a kitten will die.
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