A saint

My hubby totally sat bitch. :-) see ya in Chicago!!
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Random Friday Angry Rant

I'm just having an angry day, so I'm going to rant and be an Angry Black Woman for a minute. Is that ok? Ok great.

Some douche-a-maroo driving a BMW SUV cut me off this morning , thinking that where he had to go was alot more important than safe driving. I remained as calm as I could, but if you cut in front of someone, at least have the courtesy to go the speed limit or FASTER. This made me especially rancid. Know what else made me pissed off more than a bullet in the face Dick Cheney style? The fact that someone driving a Honda Fit actually passed me because I was going THAT slow. So I finally get to work. Know what else has been a constant pisser? People who walk in the garage and have no concept that they are actually walking where cars are trying to drive. People who walk in the middle of the row, even though a set of headlights is coming at them. People who don't look before coming around corners because a car can't see you if another car is in the way.

So I'm at my desk and already having A day. And I start thinking about the fact that I have to get on a plane later. Again (look people, I'm just tired ok?). And I took lunch a little late today (on lunch right now), so I decided to check CNN.com to see all the happenins outside this office. But then I realized. Every single damn airport plays CNN for you anyway. As if thinking about my plane crashing isn't enough, I get to watch CNN tell me about the plane that just crashed into the ocean, or the terrorist they're still looking for. I'd rather watch that reality show with Paris Hilton before that in the airport. Hell, I'd rather watch Barney. Anything other than horrific CNN before I get on an overcrowded, claustrophobia-inducing, phallic shaped load of metal and plastic about to hurtle me to 36,000 feet with crying babies, smelly diapers, stinky people, and the occasional person who likes to talk the entire flight.

Holy sh*t I'm having a day people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roadtrip 2009!!!! Part Uno

I realized that I never really shared any of my trips with ya'll, mainly because the human race has been doing a really good job of being ignorant in all the time in between, so I've been focused on that mainly. So now it's time for a good old fashioned blog about my Roadtrip. My trip will be broken up into a few different blogs because I'll also be incorporating pictures! You KNOW you're excited. Just feign excitement. Do it.

So the ManLosch and I left Boston for our Roadtrip on 5/16. Our first stop was in Delaware, mainly because we needed gas, I was hungry, and I had to pee. So why not stop at the ONLY rest stop on I-95 in Delaware.

Yea, far from real excitement. The first real stop was to see my brother Sharif and my sister-in-law Michele. In case you didn't read my other blog, both are in the Air Force and my bro just got a promotion. Little sis is mucho proud. So what do you do while in Newport News, VA? You tour the Air Force base and make fun of ghetto people, that's what you do.

We basically learned that anything and everything you could ever want is on an Air Force base. Which is why people never leave it. I'd never leave either, considering their Commissary had Fruit Stripe gum in bulk! Anyway, when we weren't doing that, we were eating tons of seafood and listening to my brother yell "I am Optimus Prime" throughout the house. So if anyone ever had ANY doubt that we were related:

...you should doubt no more. Shave my head or give him a wig. Go on. Do it. I'll wait.................

Did you do it? OMG isn't it craaaazzzyyyy?

So after we left so they could go to work and Communicate and Intelligenceate (yea, one works in Communications, one works in Intelligence), we stopped in historic Williamsburg, where I'm pretty sure, I saw a family who still had a slave. But srsly, we did what everyone does there. We went to Cracker Barrel. Duh.

After filling our bellies, we continued on our way to North Carolina. We surprised my grandmother (before the ClinnyMae incidents), and then made our way onto Duke University. Ryan is a huge fan and my homegirl Kim works at Duke with her man John.

What Duke fan can visit Duke and NOT visit Cameron Indoor Stadium? I yawned a little (don't tell him that, wait he may have just read that. he's reading this over my shoulder as I type this...he chuckled..he's also eating ice).

Duke has a really beautiful campus and Kim and John have a great house in Durham. Makes me wish sometimes that I lived in NC.

So the next day (Tuesday) we continued on our way and we were doing the rest of the drive down to Miami. Before we left Durham, I found this gem of a sign in front of a church:

Nothing short of amazing, because really, when was the last time YOU went to church? You might actually shock yo mama. Go to church and see what she says. Then come back and tell me.

So we're driving right? And guess what starts to pop up along the highway?

I told you b*tches that I'd take my own photos of the most amazing thing to exist between two states. SOUTH OF THE BORDER. BOO to the YAH. We totally stopped there. Because I just had to. And it was atrocious. So good. I may have actually gotten Swine Flu while at South of the Border (sorry, H1N1).

Imagine coming up on this! Imagine the level of excitement. I was way too excited. And the best part of stopping here was actually just the stupid photos we took:

(yea, Ryan took some stock photos IN the nasty, awful restroom because, well....LOOK AT IT!!!!)

(you know you love this...go on...love it up)

So after being stupid for about an hour or so, we decided to continue on the long drive. Of course, not without a stop at Wendy's before getting back on the road, because is a roadtrip really proper unless you're eating shitty Wendy's in the car?

Georgia and on? Catch me on the 2nd post! Booyah.

Distant AuntCousin's are to remain.........distant.

I've been meaning to share this, and unfortunately just didn't find the time (oh that darn work just gets in the way). But I HAVE to find the time because this is truly important and overall, nothing short of amazing.

So my Grammie took it upon herself to give out my house phone number (which by the way NO ONE has. The only reason we have a house number is because it was a package deal through Comcast and the only people that call us on it are my mother, sometimes Ryan's parents, the town of Belmont to tell us they are shutting off the water, or the University of Miami to try and solicit money). So anyway, Grammie decided that it was time for me to get in touch with my AuntCousin ClinnyMae. YES.

CLINNYMAE.

So she thought it was a good idea to give out my phone number because she also lives in this area. Ryan and I get home last Saturday evening (5/31) and we have a message that sounds a little like this: "howmaarshammabaaahhhhhh!!" And that was it. We then had a message from my grandmother telling us that she gave our number to AuntCousin ClinnyMae. So Ryan and I are thinking "Great..who the hell is this?" She calls back at 9:30am on Sunday. Leaves a message. Calls back Sunday afternoon. So at this point, it's turning into harrassment. So I called my mother and asked her to call me ASAP.

Sunday evening: ClinnyMae calls back.
Monday morning: ClinnyMae calls back and leaves ANOTHER message, this time, it was a little more audible.

Monday evening: My mother calls back. She gets Ryan first and then I was walking in the door from the supermarket. So then we proceed to discuss this little AuntCousin issue we're having. She basically starts yelling, but she's yelling AT Grammie, but to me and says to me "Boo, I called Ma and I just had to tell her 'Have you lost your goddamn mind??' And then I had to apologize for asking my mother if she lost her goddamn mind, but SERIOUSLY!" Apparently ClinnyMae is my Great Grandmother's sister's daughter. Got that? Yea. And my mom told me that she remembered growing up around them and they were all sorts of strange. Which would explain the messages. So we're both going on and on about how rude this is, etc. AND GUESS WHO CALLS ON MY CALL WAITING WHILE I'M TALKING TO MY MAMA?!

ClinnyMae.

My mom nearly died laughing. So ClinnyMae tried back later that evening as well. She also tried to call Tuesday and Wednesday. By Wednesday evening, I was ready to call Comcast to have her number blocked, but I called my mom instead and she called Grammie again to end this. Because the last message from ClinnyMae went a little like this:

"The number is 617-XXX-XXXX. ClinnyMae. I would APPRECIATE a call."

ExCRUSE me??? I would appreciate you NOT calling my house! So Grammie called while we were in D.C. this weekend and she apologized for giving out our number and she told her not to call us again. We have yet to get a message from her, but now I'm scared (I'm also a little surprised that my Grammie actually apologized, but that's neither here nor there). ClinnyMae still has our number. What if she does it again? What if she starts stalking us??

Next time she calls, we're going to tell her that she has the wrong number and give her my cousin's number instead.

White Horror

So I'm in D.C this weekend. And Ryan and I just saw the White House. Like 5 minutes ago. So as we're practically standing in front of it, this woman walks by. What I'm about to tell you is quite possibly THE dumbest thing you'll ever hear. She says "Excuse me but do you know where the White House is??" And we had to actually point and explain for a good 30 seconds. Really??!!??!
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Massa Got Me Workin

REALLY?!

So Marlon Jackson (yes...one of THE Jacksons) is planning on opening up a slavery memorial and luxury resort, which will include a SLAVERY THEME PARK and a JACKSON 5 memoribilia museum in Nigeria.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7858010.stm

I'll let that sink in for a minute......



Sunk in yet? BECAUSE IT STILL HASN'T FOR ME.
WHAT
THE
F*%K?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Are you FREAKING kidding me? I don't even know where to start with how horribly WRONG this is. Okay, okay. First, who the hell would pair up slavery and Jackson 5 memoribilia??? Second, a SLAVERY THEME PARK?! When I first read this, I showed it to my hairdresser, who then showed it to the salon owner, and tried to think of all the different "rides and activities" there could be at a slavery theme park (when discussing this with Ryan too, we came up with a few). Are these activities fit to blog or will I offend? Yea, I'll offend. So will we be able to try to run away from Massa' and see how far we can get before we get shot? Can we pick cotton? Can we see who comes up with the best responsorial song? Will we get a boat ride? Will we be shackled? (ok, based on the article, it seems that it is a strong possibility, which is ALL KINDS of wrong). Will there be an Underground Railroad to see who gets to the other side the quickest?

Did I just offend you? Because there's no POSSIBLE way that what I just said can offend you more than someone who actually thinks this is a good idea. Seriously. I mean....REALLY?! Dammit. We keep taking steps back as a people and it HAS TO STOP. Someone please go quarantine the Jacksons and keep them away from society. Seriously. Really.

Man.

Lady Fro

So I was driving to work this morning and some ho-bag just rolled on through her stop sign, when I CLEARLY didn't have one. She was turning right onto the street I was on and just skipped a few lanes too. I had to slam on the brakes and I utilized my horn (those who know me, know that I am unfortunately a fan of the horn) to let her know that she was essentially stuck on stupid.

Little did I realize that it was MY fault. Apparently she was too busy fixing her lady fro in her rearview mirror WHILE driving that she failed to stop at the stop sign. This continued on while turning, and stopping at the light.

(Yea it looked a litttttle like that)


So I apologize, lady fro driver, for failing to see the dire need to fix your nappy fro during my morning commute. Next time, I'll be sure to NOT honk and instead provide a Goody pick and a bottle of Afro Sheen.

THOSE people

You know those people who take forever to order something? And they stand together DISCUSSING the menu while there are people behind them hungry and ready to order??? Yea, the people in this photo did EXACTLY that in 2 different places. First at Jamba Juice and about 5 minutes later at Einstein's. The situation had a high shank factor, considering my hunger was about a Category 4 on the Losch Hunger Scale(there's only 5). I almost just walked in front of them because I was convinced they wouldn't have even noticed.

Yea that was a completely pointless share. You know you love it.
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The Lobstah

I freakin LOVE Red Lobster. Don't get me wrong, I still LOVE the seafood in Massachusetts. But dammit, the cheesy rolls just warm my soul. Or maybe I have heartburn. Either way, just dig it.
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