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Hi, I have a new follower! Everyone say hi to Sabrina. :)

And yes, I will catch you up on my life. I suck at blogging these days. I hope you still love me.

How To Sleep In An Airport

Any suggestions on how to close my eyes without getting my shit stolen?

1) Close one eye and keep one eye open?
2) Politely ask a stranger if I can lay in their lap?
3) Make a bed on the floor in the corner with all the stuff I packed and set my alarm?
4) Ask why the flight was delayed and demand a room at the airport Hyatt until the flight leaves, with transportation to and from the terminal?
5) Fart until enough people around me move so I can have the entire area to myself?
6) Close both eyes and just fuckin sleep and pray that my shit doesn't get stolen?

Maximum Boob

So I was going to use this post to talk about how my dog seems to be racist, but instead I have to vent.

So I just so happened to be checking out some friend's photos on Facebook. They were some photos of a wedding that has happened in the last few months or so. I dunno. It actually doesn't matter. Either way, ladies. LADIES. If you normally wear a size 10 and God has blessed you with some boobies, PLEASE do not try to stuff those boobies into a XS dress. This is exactly why I can't find my fuckin' size in any stores. Because of 39FFF boobie women like you. It's not even cute cleavage. It's like "Hey I want to show off my boobs and the best way to do that is by wearing this dress I found in my closet from 8th grade and letting my nips sit right at the edge of the dress, allowing maximum boob."

NO. Not ok. I have some coupons for the Gap if you like. Let's go shopping. And please put down the XS. No one ever said it was easy being skinny (being naturally skinny when you don't want to be). But at least leave my size so I CAN buy a new dress. Thanks.

Transformers 3: Return of the Man Thumbs

So I have this habit of watching movies on actual tv, even when we have them on DVD and I could totally pop the DVD in and watch it sans commercials. Instead, I choose to watch the edited version on tv, which is exactly what I did last night in a tank top and underwear with a plate of meatloaf on my lap (yes I was a happy lady).

"Transformers" was on ABC last night and since I liked it enough, I watched it. I figured I'd only watch it until ManLosch got home, but we ended up in deep discussion about Optimus Prime (which by the way, is a GREAT name for a child). And then I saw them. The man thumbs. I was like, "Wait a minute, Eva Mendes isn't in this movie!" IT'S MEGAN FOX! MEGAN FOX HAS MAN THUMBS. Holy crap.

Lexi's Take on the "Lost" Finale

Honestly, my opinion didn't change. I'm still lost. Lost left me lost. I gathered that people were dead and that relationships between people matter. Other than that, I still have a ton of questions. Maybe someone can help answer why the kidnapping of the children in like Season 2 was so significant, or why women couldn't have babies on the island. Anyone.....anyone?

I dedicated the last 5 years of my life to this show only to be left with alot of unanswered questions. Which I guess makes it a success, because Lost wouldn't be Lost if they didn't leave us confused.

I'm now still going to go with my Muppet theory. They're all dead Muppet Babies now.

Lost Finale

Did you watch it last night?

DID YOU WATCH IT LAST NIGHT?

I don't know what to think yet. Let me do some more research and get back to you. I dunno. How 'bout leaving a ton of other shit unanswered? Jeeeeeez.

Joe vs. A Crappy Education

Welcome to the very first post that includes my father (blogging family meet Joseph Franklin). We had a very animated conversation while I was waiting in the airport terminal today.

• Dad: So yea, she told me she was going down to Texas for her daughter's graduation, from DeVry (laughs).
• Me: What is so hilarious? Why are you laughing?
• Dad: I mean, cmon. DeVry? I didn't go to school, but I'm not that dumb. DeVry?
• Me: It's still an education, stop being so mean.
• Dad: Oh PLEASE. It's like the different between a real chicken wing and a fake chicken wing. You know a fake chicken wing when you get one.
• Me: Um, did you just equate the quality of someone's education to a CHICKEN WING??
• Dad: I didn't equate nothin. I'm just sayin, I can write a degree too and throw it in the trash can for someone else to pick up and say they got a degree.
• Me: Oh my god Dad.

This One Time....

..let me tell you a little story about how me paying it forward did NOT work (and maybe i need to give it more time)....

So I had a nice aisle seat on this flight, from ATL to SA. I sat and realized the woman next to me was not sitting next to her husband, so I asked her, "Would you and your husband like to sit together?" She said, "Really? You don't mind?" I said, "No, not at all." She asked him and he thanked me a few times. I took his window seat two rows up. No biggie.

A woman sits next to me with her baby and her young daughter. I think to myself "It's ok Lex. You always get stuck near the babies, but it'll be cool, no worries." Well we're sitting here, leaving the gate and the baby starts to cry. What I'm about to tell you next may or may not surprise you but it shocked the HELL out of me.

The woman pulls up her shirt and begins to breastfeed her baby. What? Just like that? While on the plane? In front of everyone? Yes sir. It was just out and proud. So I try to close my eyes and take a nap. I wake up right around the drink service, which is perfect timing. The child is asleep. But then he wakes up. Solution? More boob. Oh wait, what's that I smell? His diaper. And it reeks. She'll change it soon right? Nope. Instead, she gives the kid some V8 and crackers to fill up the already shit filled diaper. He fidgets some more. Whips out the boob. He falls asleep for a bit, but wakes up. She proceeds to NOT change the diaper, but give him cold french fries. He cries more, whips out the boob again. Doesn't work. More crackers.

Please, someone help me. I can't handle this anymore. I thought I was being nice by giving up my seat, and I hope pay it forward doesn't forget about me today or tomorrow even. I try to be a nice person. Instead, I got repaid with a diaper full of shit and a random tit in 23B.

Here's a fun little exchange though about this event (that's still occuring as I type this):

• Esperanza: You dummy, quit looking.
• Me: i can smell the diaper too and its NOT the goodies
• Esperanza: they are working...EWWWWWWW.
• Me: Esperanza, I'm NOT! But she's sitting right next to me!! And her tits are big.
• Esperanza: I know working boobs are loud. And planes are little.
• Me: and she just whips it out like solution for all worldly problems, i promise im not staring.
• Esperanza: Oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico?
• Me: im looking straight ahead, but it keeps finding its way out.
• Esperanza: LMAO OMG YOU KNOW YOU LAUGHED
• Me: no because all i can do is smell shit and it's REPULSIVE.
• Esperanza: the oil or her boobs?
• Me: i think once she gave him the V8 it turned into diarrhea.
• Esperanza: my first solution would be a didee change. always. smell didee? change.
• Me: but yes, solution for oil spill is HILARIOUS.

airTran FAIL

I'm on a plane to Atlanta and I'm ultimately headed to San Antonio. While lifting my own bag into the overhead compartment, I grabbed my netbook first so I wouldn't have to be all up in the aisle trying to fish for it later. Well, in the process of doing that, I sliced my finger on a work folder I had next to my netbook and it wasn't a little papercut. This was a slice in which blood started to come out rapidly. So I calmly placed my bag in the overhead and called a flight attendant over.

I asked her, "Excuse me, but would you happen to have a band-aid?" She replies, "No, I'm sorry I don't." So I wait and walk to the back to the restrooms to at least wash it off and apply some pressure with a paper towel. While waiting for one of the lavatories to open up, I stare right at a sticker labeled "First Aid." REALLY BITCH? You didn't have a band-aid, yet I'm staring at your first-aid kit????

FAIL.