Life Lesson #107

The Christmas holiday has the ability to turn normal people into blood-seeking little trolls. People who once had sense and manners will turn on you at the sight of a 30% off sale at Kohl's. Remember to remain calm and purchase your Zombie Apocalypse kit. It'll help in the off chance that all these people turn into zombies and if they don't? Um...don't go shopping on the weekends. And leave the pepper spray at home Sparky.

On Why I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with Facebook

It consumes a decent portion of my day. Facebook. It is there, looming....teasing....saying (4)Facebook, meaning that I have 4 new comments or things related to me. I can't NOT check them.....

Facebook has given me a way to keep in touch with those I like and tolerate, people I've lost touch with that I can check in with every now and again, and just a new way to communicate with friends. And yes, we're all guilty of checking Facebook to ensure that we're still doing better than our nemeses in high school, college, etc. We all do it. So own up to it. And yes, everything we post, we can make a choice to post it as private, for close friends, for everyone, etc. But Facebook....ugh.

Okay, so here's the thing. I get pissed when people respond to my posts with snark, something demeaning, something unrelated, and just plain foolish. This is a public forum and I shouldn't feel the need to defend my actions, stance, opinions, etc. especially on my own wall. I think it's more of the WORDS used to convey the response that usually irks me. I just want everyone to relax. I will continue to try to do whatever I want and if it doesn't work? At least I tried. Or at least I spoke up. Or at least I poured my heart into it(or a person). I sent a tweet once....ONCE...in a weekend where I said it was nice to be off the map for a bit. Pretty much everyone commented with "Well if you're tweeting, you aren't really off the map..." Really?? Was that necessary? I sent ONE tweet. Is it that big of a deal? Maybe I meant that I was just relaxing and not taking calls or responding to texts.

And I've had those moments where I start typing "I think it's time to do a Facebook cleanse." But it sounds douchey. There's no need for me to announce it..what like a WARNING? Who cares? Unfortunately some people do. Like the unfortunate time someone defriended me because they weren't invited to a party. Boo-effin-hoo. I can easily unfriend those who make stupid comments but.....

.....then it goes right back to "Well maybe they were having an off day" or "Maybe they'll step in poop tomorrow so I can laugh silently about karma and her ways." I could easily just deactivate my profile. I could easily just defriend the meanies and the ones who constantly spout their hard right or hard left opinions over and over and over. But the real question is.....is it even worth it??

Facebook, how did you get such a hold on me?

Life Lesson #294

If you're drinking a cup of coffee, make sure you don't moisturize your lips with Carmex right before you take your first sip. Any sip you take after that will taste like Carmex and therefore, ruin the taste of a well crafted cup of coffee.

Dear John

Dear Mr. Krasinski,

My name is Lexi L. and um, well, how do I say this? I think you're hot. You're the bees knees, whatever that means. I noticed just how hot you were when I was on maternity leave and watched every single season of "The Office" on Netflix. I also DVR'd the episode of "Ellen" that you appeared on so I could watch it a few times. No I'm not a stalker.

Alas, you are married though. To some chick named Emily Blunt. Whatever, its cool, I'm married too. But you're my fantasy funny husband, so take that as a compliment. Plus I lived in Belmont, MA for a bit, right down the road from your old stomping grounds of Newton. And I mean, not to bring up the obvious, I'm black so I can be the hot chocolate to your marshmallow (ow ow). My husband found me and never went back soooooo I'm JUS' sayin. It's true. I cook (but I don't clean). I'm slightly awkward and somehow end up in situations that end up being great stories. We could make this work John.

Think about it,
Your Lexi

OCCUPY Everything Annoying

There's this whole Occupy (insert cause or city here) craze/business going on right now. Protests left and right. So I thought, "Hey, can I protest everytime I feel something isn't right? Can I camp outside a place that I personally feel may be unjust?" Now if the answer was yes...boy....you effer's would be in ALOT of trouble.

1) Occupy Walmart: You NEVER have rollback prices on tampons. Or pads. Or anything else I NEED. But you keep rolling back prices on curtains, pillows, and "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." Right, shit that no one wants. I'm over it. Occupied.

2) Occupy Babies R Us: Just let me use the three 20% off coupons that I have please. If you don't want to take 20% of each item , then stop sending me all these damn coupons in the mail. Occupied.

3) Occupy Starbucks: Your coffee is NOT worth my first born and my soul. Bring down the prices. Dunkin had great coffee too and charged MUCH less. Occupied.

4) Occupy Texas Catholic Churches: The homily is not meant for a tutorial on how to fill out the annual appeal application and forcing me to donate money that I don't even HAVE right now. Also, I'm tolerable of "Respect for Life" month, but when you start comparing abortion to September 11th and the Holocaust (2 different churches mind you), I'm already over it. Occupied.

5) Occupy I-35: Interstate 35 is the worst. It will be the death of me. So because it's congested every morning and afternoon and just generally AWFUL, is it ok if I just stop my car in a lane, turn my car off, and protest? I mean traffic can go around me right? Occupied.

Inspector Gadget

Yesterday, I realized that I had a free episode of Inspector Gadget on my iPod. Who didn't love watching Inspector Gadget growing up? If you didn't just stop reading now and go make some bread or something.

I started watching the episode while working; it's just like listening to a podcast or music. You prop it up and keep working while glancing. While watching this episode, that yes I'd seen a million BAJILLION times before, some questions came up that I may have asked before, or at least make you question certain things as an adult.

1. Who are Penny's parents? I mean , she lived with her ROBOT uncle, but I mean , was she taken into Child Protective Custody or something? There's never been a mention of real parents. Human parents.

2. Why did the Chief always deliver the self-destruct piece of paper in disguise? Also, did he not know that each time, Gadget would ball it up and throw it in his general vicinity?

3. I asked Ryan why the Chief couldn't just email the message. He said "Because they didn't have email then." So they didn't have email, but Penny had a super duper computer hidden inside of a BOOK that could basically do whatever the hell she wanted it to do, but it COULDN'T SEND OR RECEIVE email?? Hmm. Highly suspect.

4. Did Penny ever finish school? Because she was always out of school going on these adventures and saving her ROBOT UNCLE.

5. Dr. Claw could technically be reported for animal abuse. In this episode, he smacked MadCat to the backseat of his car! Like actually smacked. It's not the cat's fault that shit ain't goin right. Perhaps he needs new henchmen or better plans. But leave the cat alone.

6. Did the Chief secretly know that Penny and Brain were behind all of this? Because if that's the case, take the batteries out of Gadget and just hire Penny on full time. Homegirl ain't gonna go to college at this rate, if she keeps watching over her uncle like she's Precious or something. She might as well just be employed full time with benefits for her and Brain.

7. Was there a very last episode of Inspector Gadget? If so, did Dr. Claw STILL say, "I'll get you next time Gadget, next time??" Because there wouldn't BE a next time. So does that also mean now that Dr. Claw is unemployed? Is he part of the recession?

Letters to Myself

Dear Self,

Yes, I am well aware that you made an apple pie from scratch again tonight. But bitch, you can't keep complaining about the weight gain and how the only pants that fit you are maternity pants again. And to top it off, you got seconds. Ice cream with it both times. You need to learn self-control and put....down..the..spoon.

You've been put on notice.

Regards,
Self

I like...

Deep in thought? Not really., a photo by miamilex on Flickr.

That our front door is red.

FACE...

....LIFT!

Blog got a facelift. There's more coming, but welcome to the new world of Lexi. It might get raw.
Jovie totally agrees.

Yep

Yea. I still blog. Sue me for not getting to it fast enough dammit. Re-vamping coming soon. New title is also in the works. I'm hoping that things will slowly come together this week so I can get this figured out and get right back into the swing of things.

Still not officially a Texan, as I have yet to surrender my Massachusetts drivers license, but that's because I'd have to make time to find a DMV and do the out of state conversion. I will try my hardest NOT to get kicked out of this one. Ahem.

Not gonna lie though.....Central Time is kinda awesome. You get all your tv shows in and you're like "Oh wait, it's only 9pm."

Okay, enough rambling. Dinnertime and bedtime.

Been WAY too long....

As I write this, we're driving our family and life to Austin, TX. We just moved out of Boston and we're moving to what I hope will be a great life in Texas. I'm so excited.

But I will miss some people in Boston. My good friends that supported me thru everything and never turned their backs on me. I will always consider you family!

More consistent blogging shall resume once I become a Texan. :-)

Who WOULDN'T Want This??

I was driving to work yesterday and I was listening to my iPod. "LoveShack" by the B-52's came on and I started grooving in my car by myself. I love that song. Then I thought about it:

I would really love for the guy in the group (Fred Schneider) to narrate my life. Could you imagine that? He'd follow you around everywhere and just narrate everything. I asked ManLosch what he would think about him narrating our next child's birth and he laughed. He'd be SO enthusiastic, I just feel like it'd make the process so much easier.

I'm a little obsessed with this idea.

Blah Blah Blah

Today, I feel like blah. My pants don't fit and I keep gaining weight. The Lexi before baby could never gain weight. Lexi after baby apparently can pack on the pounds. Pants that even fit me a few weeks ago don't fit. Not one pair of work pants fit me. I just want to tone my stomach so I don't LOOK pregnant. And yes, now 2 people have looked at me and thought I was pregnant.

Combine that with a lack of professional motivation and we've got a recipe for one blah-filled Lexi Losch. :-(

Why LaLosch Is So Busy

I've been a little busy lately. Yep. Shit happens, I know. Here's what I've been up to:

1) Changing diapers.
2) Vacuuming
3) Being sick apparently.
4) Working and traveling for work (Puerto Rico..holla)
5) Being a business, MAN!
6) Hanging out with friends, especially ones that have babies because we can do the same thing.
7) Gaining weight and NOT toning my stomach
8) Being asked if I'm pregnant (yep. see #7).

Here's what I've NOT been up to:
1) Anything productive

Yea, I know. I'm working on it.

Weather or Not...

You can apparently report the weather anyway you choose here....

I Can't Get No Respect...

We're driving to NY and talking about how we're going to come up with the prototype of our new GPS system.

ManLosch: So for the baby voice, it should cry louder the farther off course you get. Remember those things, that went off when you didn't feed it?? GigaPets!

Me: Yea, I totally had one of those.

ManLosch: Hmm, I just lost a little bit of respect for you.

I Am Still Not My Hair

So I did it. I finally cut my hair! I have been growing my perm out since March 2010. I was getting my hair done last Thursday and I asked my hairdresser how much of my hair was still permed. She showed me, and told me how short my hair would be. She said, "It'll be like a little china bob. It'll be really cute." She said "bob" and I got scared. I mean, it had been awhile since I had SOME kind of a perm.

I manned up and just told her to chop it! And let me tell you, it felt SO great. It was cathartic in a way I never knew. I felt free. It's a feeling that is almost indescribable. There's nothing holding me back now. I can style my hair anyway I want and do anything! My black women, I don't have to be afraid of the pool anymore!!

So, hi. My name is Lexi Losch. And I've been perm free since 5/12/2011.

I Said, Are You Gonna Be My Girl??

Happy Mother's Day to any and all beautiful strong mamas out there. This is my first Mother's Day, even though I DID get a secret present from ManLosch last year for being totally knocked up and secretly glowing (with morning sickness....but whatevs). So I wanted to dedicate today's writing to all the mama's out there who have helped me over the last few months:

My mom and mom-in-law: no words. Can't explain. Just yes. Thanks. Ha. I mean...you get it right????

Michele F.: my beautiful sis-in-law. Thanks for letting us visit you in Vegas nonetheless and helping us with Jovie. And thanks for understanding my need to go to as many Babies R' Us' as stately possible.

Nikki S.: another lovely sis-in-law. My nieces are so gorgeous and thank you for the words of wisdom in my first few days of motherhood. It was appreciated more than you know.

Emily F.: you are one of the strongest mamas I know. You endured IVF, blogged about it, and had 2 beautiful twin baby girls last August. You still manage to be crafty and clean your house, all while juggling and watching Harper and Stella. You've let me call you and bitch and moan and you were one of my strongest supporters, and for that, I love you pinky-toe tent buddy.

Catherine M.: you gave me lots of tough love. Like grow-a-set tough love. But you also truly understood how fussy Jovie really was and didn't just brush me off like alot of people did. Thanks for the vacuum tip. My house was clean for weeks!

Jeannie M: also another strong mama who apparently can still garden while her awesome baby naps through it all and eats like it's going out of style. My baby is just the exact opposite, but you are awesome!

Carolyn B.: Delaney is gorgeous and we'll all still be helping you find a cure for C.F.! She's a tough cookie and is doing so fab because of your love and nurturing.

Jamie G.: Thanks for that over hour-long conversation in the early days! It was just nice to hear the "yea he did that too, and I promise it gets better" side of things. And I've always remembered you telling me about J.B.'s "firsts" that the daycare didn't tell you about. So when someone DOES tell me? I punch them in the teeth.

Sam B. (when are you changing it to Y?): you are THE most hippie mother I know. And your son is awesome because of it. Thanks for the advice in the beginning and telling me not to worry. You were a true breath of fresh air when I needed it.

Rebecca "Borics" P.: you let me cry on the phone in the first few weeks and told me not to give up (even though eventually, I kinda DID a little, lol) but I followed your advice and I've been a much better mother because of it. And Jovie is even telling me that too while she screams from the living room. :)

Trev. P: even from NY, you always checked in on me to see how things were. To feel that kind of support when you have NO idea what's going on anymore is probably something I can't really put into words.

I know I left some of you mama's off of this list, but don't worry. There will most likely be another installment of shout out's and love. I wanted to share some of the love of received today with all of you because I could not be more grateful that I have a wonderful husband and a gorgeous daughter. Lexi Losch has a kid. Holy sh*t.

Happy Mother's Day. :-)

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me

We have satellite radio. Aerosmith comes on a lot. When it does and I'm alone in the car, I can't turn. I feel like ManLosch would know that I turned off an Aerosmith song in favor of something more Top 40ish.

Don't get me wrong. I like Aerosmith. I even agreed to spend our 2 year wedding anniversary at an Aerosmith concert. But sometimes I wanna listen to Flo Rida, not about love in an elevator.

Don't take this the wrong way ManLosch(or Steven Tyler). Much love. K???

Reflections, Genuflections, and Buddy Christ

This year for Lent, I gave up swearing. How did it go? Not so good. Not so good........
BUT...

I did make an effort to silently pray more. I also made an effort to really take time to think about things that crossed my mind. Sometimes I found an answer and sometimes I didn't. But I forced myself to confront issues in my mind that I tucked away figuring that at some point, someone would pick up the trash and dispose of it (kinda like trash day in your town). Lent is a time of self-denial, forgiveness, being kind to others, etc. And Easter? Well Easter just isn't on Sunday people. It's a SEASON for the church. It's 50 days long. So I saved a ton of money buying Easter candy a week after Easter Sunday because it's dirt cheap. But I digress...

I wanted to share with you some of the things I thought about or did during Lent. I'm not sharing this as a way to pay myself on the back or anything of the sort, but clearly I keep a blog, which means I enjoy sharing my random thoughts with random strangers. So here we go:

• I tried very hard not to judge my cousins, the seasonal Catholics. Because when I go to church I don't always pay attention you know? So it's not my place to judge you based on the fact that I only see you at Mass on Easter Sunday and Christmas Eve. But I WILL judge you based on the fact that you took up 2 parking spaces in the church parking lot.
• If you are familiar with the Profession of Faith, you know that we recite that Jesus was crucified under Pontius Pilate. But I FINALLY paid attention to the reading of the Passion (right?! snap.) and it's kinda not true. I mean, I get that he was crucified while P.P. was governing, but he totally said that he didn't want anything to do with the crucifixion and that he washed his hands of it. He told the Jews it was up to them. And they were all like "do away with Jesus." So I feel like I'm professing the bended truth.
• The old guy at church that gives Jesus a thumbs up after he's done doing the sign of the Cross? Love him. It's like he really thinks Jesus and him wear BFF necklaces or something.
• You can't trust everyone. As much as I'd like to have 100% faith in people, I've realized that I've been burned in the past. I prayed on it a little. I realized that I should still have 100% faith in people, but that having trust in someone would take a bit more effort. 
• Nothing is more important than family. I would do anything for my baby girl. I go mama crazy if anyone says something rude to my husband or if someone accidentally bumps into Jovie's stroller. I also realize this when I get stressed out about work or something else. I remember that when I see Jovie's toothless smile at the end of the day, nothing else matters really. As long as I can provide for her and ManLosch, I'm alright.
• Things I ponder during Mass: Did Jesus have more than one pair of sandals? Did he have a barber? How pissed was Joseph initially when Mary just said 'Oh hey cutie, I'm preggo and it's not yours?' Also, wow, what a man to raise the son of God. Props.
• Please don't regurgitate bits of your Jeezit into the wine. It's nasty. I get that we take the body and blood of Jesus, but not all together at the very same time.
• I started a journal for Jovie. I write in it a few times a week about things I've done, things she's done, and just general crap. My mom started one for me when I was in middle school and then gave it to me the day she dropped me off at college. Reading her entries about me and things we did are great. They made me laugh and cry. I want the same for my daughter too. It's an amazing reflection tool.
• I know I need to go to confession. I really do. What's keeping me from going? I confess my sins during prayer at church, but why am I so hesitant to pony them up in a dark booth?

That's totally not even everything that went on in my little brain this season. I want to try really hard to be a better person you know? I want to leave this Earth knowing that I made people happy and brought joy into their lives (which is why I like to make you all laugh). This isn't just a Lenten/Easter project. This is like, a whole Lexi makeover. Get ready!