La Losch Funk

So it's July and I've barely seen the sun. And La Losch has not quite been herself lately (I'm so awesome that I can speak in the 3rd person).

Constant rain, no sun, no warm weather. It's been a depressing few months for me. I'm trying hard to shake this weird funk, so I'm throwing myself into writing more in the next few weeks. Shh, don't disturb me.

Oh yea, I'm back from Canada. No Jared, there were no cars with square wheels. That was a nice break from the usual, but I'm back to the funk. La Losch Funk. I'd like to shake it. And I'm open to suggestions (other than moving, we signed a lease for another year, so yea...).

Canada Bound, Ay

I'm headed to Canada tomorrow morning bitches. Which means I'm traveling internationally. Which means I don't have an international cell phone plan. Which means, NO MOBILE BLOGGING (sad panda face).

However, my hotel has free Canadian internets in the room, so we'll see. I don't wanna get charged for that internet money(if you DON'T know this reference.....then God help us all). A few of my friends have found it quite ironic that I'm leaving the country for the 4th of July. It is a little ironic, but you know what? I'm full of ironic twists and turns, so shut up and read my blog.

I'm going with my best friend, his roommate, and her friend. And apparently, our mutual friend will be up there too. Why is everyone going to Montreal for the 4th of July? Either way, I have to find my passport. Actually, Ryan has to find my passport. If I didn't have Ryan, I probably would lose my hand in the dishwasher or something. Anytime I get some important document (hmmm..like a passport...a marriage certificate..), he immediately takes it from me like a little kid and stores it somewhere secret and safe, because if I ever found out where it was, I'd somehow lose it within 30 seconds of possession. I'll let him pack my bag too. He always packs my bag when we go somewhere because if I did it, a bet a goat would end up in my bag, because I'm a horrible packer. I just throw stuff in and call it a day. He rolls things, organizes shit, and somehow can fit 3 days worth of clothes for me AND him in ONE CARRY-ON piece of luggage. No ladies...he is NOT up for grabs. He is MY personal assistant, thank YOU very much. :)

So anyway, I'll try to keep you in the Canadian loops. I'll miss you all terribly (no seriously, I will).

Until then, here's Reason #583 why you should never fly into O'Hare: http://www.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/07/02/airport.delays/index.html

(You will miss my randomness for the next 3 days...don't lie. Muah. Smooches)

Blast From My Past

I left work early because I was just feeling blah. I've been having alot of those days lately. So I came home, checked email, plopped on the couch and began my downward spiral into lazyville. I checked to see if Facebook had anything for me and I noticed that I had 2 new friends. Now normally, I don't go crazy about this, but these were two very good friends from working together and grad school. One, we shall call David (which is totally his real name), and the other I have always nicknamed Borics. Well, I checked David's status and I read that he had just taken the comps. This status threw me back into the first week of July 06 and a few weeks before that, leading up to the time I had to take the comps.

So let me backtrack people. The comps were my Comprehensive Exam that I needed to pass in order for UM to grant me the undisputed title of Master Losch (technically Master Franklin). We ALL had to take the comps to completely finish the program. You could walk in May and look all happy and proud, but that was just for show. If you didn't pass the comps, then you walking in May didn't mean SHIT. The comps were a 6 hour exam, all essay writing. You got a break for lunch and that was it. And who was really concentrating on lunch when you were trying to remember the different kinds of identity crises a college student could face and the pros and cons of decentralized and centralized higher education institutions (yea, beats me).

I wanted to share with you all, the week before my comps. Because it was a shitshow of a lifetime. I had been studying diligently up and until then, but the week of, you fall into a tailspin. It just happens. You f*ckin lose it. I had index cards all over the bed that I couldn't find Ryan if he was in it. I took the week off of work. I may or may not have gone a day or 2 without a shower. Ryan would stop by on lunch breaks to check in on me because from Monday until the day of the comps(Friday), I DID NOT LEAVE THE APARTMENT. I looked like roadkill. I also developed some serious cramps and I'll spare you the rest of what women go through every so often. One day, Ryan came home to make me lunch because I had forgotten to eat. He had to leave to go back to work, and I started crying. Bawling, if you will. I said "I know you aren't leaving me. WAIT YOU CAN'T GO! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! NO NO PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME! I CAN'T DO THIS, PLEASE DON'T GO." And he was only going back to work. He might have contemplated asking for his ring back at that point because he saw my true psychosis in that moment.

Well, overall, the comps weren't terrible. They were actually just awful. When we finished, I left with a friend, Erin, who was house sitting a beautiful house across the street from campus. We went to get Thai food at a fave spot and barely talked because we understood that we both had just been traumatized and then went back to that house to dog-sit for the night, watch movies, and eat junk food.

A month and a half later, I officially became Master Franklin (now Master Losch, THANKS). So I can hear you in the background. "Lexi, why did you just share this pointless story with us?" Well I'll tell you.

I DON'T KNOW.

It was just a story. Jeez. Don't get bent out of shape. :)

Public Service Announcement

This a Public Service Announcement, courtesy of the MBTA. Please refrain from releasing flatulence during rush hour or any hot summer day. Due to the lack of available air and a less than stellar quality of air, it would benefit all public transit riders if passengers did not pass any built up air during their trip. Refusing to cooperate with this mandate will result in a $50 fine and imprisonment up to a year in a 2x2 cell where you may flatulate in your own space. Thank you for riding the MBTA.
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1958-2009

Oh my God. I swear I didn't believe it. It was just cardiac arrest. And then it's confirmed.

PEOPLE.

Michael Jackson passed away.

I don't even know where to begin. It was confirmed while I was driving to find some crab legs for dinner. I almost jammed on the brakes. From Stop & Shop (the men behind the counter declared "Man, that motherfu&*!@ had mad talent yo") to the ride home, it was like the world just stopped for a while. One of the local radio stations I was listening to was playing a tribute to him all night, so I turned it up for the car ride home. A girl called in to request her favorite song. The DJ said "What's your request?" She said "Ummm, like, my favorite Michael song is that Free Willy song." Okay, really? MJ just died and you request "HEAL THE WORLD?!" I mean, any MJ song will do, but really? Not Thriller? Not Smooth Criminal (one of my faves)? She deserved to be clubbed in the face for that one.

I called Ryan and said "Can you believe it???" He said "Yea, I'm on the bus and I heard this girl have 4 different phone conversations with people about him. And it's all Harvard Square was talking about." I get home and turn the radio back on to listen to my boy MJ. And I remembered how much I loved him as a kid. I mean, I had this horrible picture of him with a jheri curl sitting on a step and I would look at that picture everyday and declare that I would marry him someday (yea well...I was a kid, shut up). I was beginning to cook and started watching CNN and all the coverage. Ryan says, "Soooo Farrah Fawcett?" I looked at him and said, "RESPECT! Michael Jackson just died!" He said, "Uh, she was famous too! She had cancer!" I said "Well, I guess she died on the wrong day." And while that's dark humor, it really DOES suck for her. Because honestly, I mean....yea. Think about it. His death overshadowed hers fairly quickly. And it sucks. Because she had amazing talent too and she was going through an honest fight for her life. I feel bad, but man. Just a shitty day for everyone I guess.

SIDENOTE: As I type this, I'm watching "So You Think You Can Dance." It's the elimination show, and because it's live, the producer started talking about the deaths of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. He talked about her for maybe 30 seconds and talked about Michael for a few MINUTES and also showed a Thriller clip.....I'm JUST sayin.

So anyway, I just keep going on and on about it because I can't get over it. Then I say "This is HUGE! His death is HUGE, and by default, will overshadow Farrah Fawcett's, and the effed up part is that nothing is intentional. And if anyone else died today, their families might be watching the television and looking at Michael." Ryan says "MAN Lex! That's awful. So if I died tomorrow, who would be amazing enough to trump the mourning of my death?" I couldn't even think of anything so I'm like "Uh, I dunno. Maybe The Ting Ting's?" He starts laughing and said "Really?! The Ting Ting's? The Ting Ting's trump your husband's death?" We laughed a little, because we needed to laugh. Because I find solace in dark humor, whether it offends or not. Because laughing helps me remember sometimes that I'm human, that I MYSELF am only a spirit in a body and that I can die at any minute. MJ was only 50! Younger than my parents! It's insane! And Farrah Fawcett; it really just shows that cancer doesn't pick and choose. It's rampant and I pray that my generation will be the generation to find a cure for it all.

But in the end (even with the "I need an adult" charges against him), remember that no matter how F*#!ED he was, I guarantee that he entertained YOU at some point in your life. You tried to moonwalk, you tried to thrust your pelvis (no matter what you had goin on down there), you wore one of those shitty glitter gloves, you own a CD, you rock out to ONE MJ song on your iPOD; at SOME point, Michael Jackson entertained you. And for that..............thank you for an amazing 50 years. You will be missed.

Lexi's Thoughts on Summer Television

Ok, so last night, I was all sorts of rancid (MARCUS). I wasn't feeling well and I walked in the door from work feeling like I was just hit with the Swine Flu(sorry, H1N1) and a bat to the body delivered by Tonya Harding (Jeff Gillooly?). I just wasn't in the mood, so I laid down on the couch to close my eyes and try to bring myself back to some state of normalcy. But instead, Ryan decided to bring a bag of Tostitos and salsa into the living room, sit by my head, turn the tv on, and proceed to enjoy his Tuesday evening. I still closed my eyes, but I eventually just couldn't keep them closed because this lovely gem of a show was on the tv:

The Superstars on ABC.

By 8:45, I about lost it. I looked at him and said "WHAT IS THIS SHIT?! WHAT THE FLIP ARE YOU WATCHING?! OMG RYAN. TURN IT OFF. I'M SERIOUS." He said "I dunno, nothing else is on. It's pretty terrible right? This show should be 30 minutes tops." We continue "watching" it and I said to him "I think I just lost some brain cells." About 50 commercial breaks came on in the time we watched the show and one of them was for ANOTHER summer ABC show called "Dating in the Dark." Ryan finally just says,"So do they just put random words in a hat, pull them out, and then its 'HEY we have a summer tv show!" I pretty much agreed. We continued to watch "The Superstars" and I think both our IQ's went down significantly.

So really.....what the eff is up with summer television? Some of it I can tolerate. But how about THIS gem on Fox:
More To Love
Because nothing says IT'S SUMMERTIME like watching plus-size chicks try to find love with a plus-size man (I have NOTHING against plus-size people OK?! I DO hold anger towards those who think it's ok to talk about skinny people like it doesn't hurt our feelings too though). I mean really though? SRSLY?! What about "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!" What about "Hammertime?" What about "I Survived a Japanese Game Show?"

Are you catching on? I'm still not. I guess I'm left to my own devices this summer (which is a reality show in itself). Hmm....what's on MTV?

Snuggable Weekend

I went to NY this weekend. My best friend, Marcus, and I threw a party. Every now and then you need an excuse just to invite people over and have a party. Except we didn't. We just named it "Marcus' and Lexi's Excuse to Drink Party." I mean really, do you need a better reason to come chill and have a good time in the summer? And it reminded me that it can be nice to just see people and meet people and make stupid conversation. After about a double dose of whiskey, the following conversation happened between me and a few high school friends:

Pros and Cons of the Snuggie.

I am a fan of the Snuggie, I can't lie. Marcus informed me that if I ever buy one, he will disown me. Ryan will not buy me a Snuggie, so I tried to convince everyone that it's a good idea so maybe Ryan would change his mind. Instead, I think it just went downhill. I once called the house phone (which is in Ryan's office) from our COUCH because I was too cold (or lazy) to get the remote myself. Yes. I am guilty, but anytime that story is told, laughter ensues. If I would have had the Snuggie, I would have remained warm and would have reached for the remote myself. Still, after about a good 30 minutes, no one besides my friend Michelle thought the Snuggie would be a good idea. Thanks Michelle. We'll continue to fight the Snuggie fight.

Anyway, at around 2:00am, people kinda filtered out. At around 4:15am, we all decided it might be a good idea to go to sleep. But I wanted to share that I had a really great time with some really great people this weekend. Plus, I totally got a new pair of shoes, so yea. I'm in heaven. :)

Attempt #1 and #2

Attempt #3 and #4 (it took us a little while!!)

Guitar Heroes

Ummmm, why do all men(specifically white men, sorry Ryan!!) feel the need to air guitar out EVERY song? Even parts that have no guitar? Yea. Didn't think it was possible. But at an Aerosmith concert, it is not only possible, but happens about every 5 seconds. Smoke on hippies, smoke on.
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Alex and Gina

Hey lovemuffins. So I was in Chicago and suburbs this past weekend (because it wouldn't be summer if Lexi wasn't on a plane or traveling every weekend). Of course delayed going into O'Hare, because we always are, but coming back, we were on time. For once. Praise Sweet Baby 6lb Jesus.

Aside from the grown woman we saw downtown with the Lightening McQueen scarf on and a really fun trip to the MCA, we spent the rest of the time McHenry-ing it up. If you don't know where McHenry, IL is, it's ok. Neither do I. No, seriously, it's like the last suburb of Chicago that you could possibly still call a suburb of Chicago. And that's where the ManLosch and his fam call home. Visiting McHenry also usually requires a Sunday morning Mass thrown in. It's usually the later one (and by late, I mean 9am, which is by no means LATE for moi; I still can't function at 9am). So the Loschs piled up and went to Mass Sunday morning. And let me tell you. It was pretty interesting.

At one point when I might have been dozing off, Ryan nudges me and says "Hey, it's that couple who did our marriage stuff. They "ran" our rehearsal. She turned around and waved to me." So I look around and sho' nuff, they are there. I figured we weren't getting out of there without some amount of forced conversation, so I set myself up a little. In the meantime, ya girl saw a grown man with a turquoise pinky ring on and I nearly lost my shit. Yea. If you know me, then you know that the pinky ring is a HUGE dealbreaker for me. It's almost THE dealbreaker (and trust me ladies, it has been in the past). So I practically knocked Ryan over while going up to get communion because I wanted him to see it. He probably thought I was being rowdy and politely ignored me. I was also a little disappointed because instead of my usual full Jeezit, I got hosed and was given some Jesus Pieces. Not ok. NOT OK.

So anyway, mass ended and we finally started filing out. At this point, Ryan noticed the pinky ring and nearly busted out laughing. Actually, he did. And as we were leaving the pew, marriage prep couple saunters on over to us before we were even allowed to kneel to Jesus on the way out. She says, "Hey guys! How are you? How's everything?" With plastered smiles on our faces, we say, "Good, good and yourself?" She says "Great! Now, to be honest, I don't even remember your names. Is it Alex and Gina?"

SHA-WHAT?!?!?!
Alex and Gina.

I look at Ryan because I can't really control the laughter but I'm trying. He says to her calmly "Uh no, Ryan and Lexi." She says "Ah, right. Ok. Well whatever. How's your marriage?"

What kind of question IS that?

Ryan fires back. "Good. How's yours?"

At this point, I was ready to nearly shit my pants in laughter because I couldn't believe it. The conversation was SO awkward, SO forced, that I couldn't handle it. Alex and Gina??? I could see the Alex part...but it wasn't even associated with the female name, because obviously she thought I was Gina. Either that, or she's watched too many episodes of "Martin." So finally, we broke away because it was just awful at its best, and we left.

Alex and Gina. Yes.
Speaking of, it's Alex and Gina's 2nd Wedding Anniversary tomorrow. We're doing something totally and utterly romantic. So unbelievably romantic, you'll die.
We're going to see Aerosmith (love you Ry, but sense the sarcasm). Don't worry. Gina will be blogging about it.