Tanning Fail

My mom called me yesterday at work freaking out. She says, "Okay, I have to tell you this because I figured you'd want to know and I know you're going to tell Marcus (my best friend)." I said, "Okay, what happened?" She says, "So I bought one of those self-tanning sprays because I wanted my skin tone to look even before we left for New Orleans. I followed all of the directions- (and please note, I already started laughing once she told me she bought a self-tanning spray)- and exfoliated. I sprayed it on and let it dry, and went to bed. I woke up and I LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN' ZEBRA!!"

I'm sorry, but I responded with what many others might respond with and said, "Ma, did you forget that you're black? Why the hell were you using a self-tanning spray?" She said, "Well my legs were all pasty and my arms were more brown, so I wanted to look good at the music festival." I said, "If you had just put on some sunblock and let Mother Sun do her business, she would have tanned you just fine." She said, "I know, I know. And it's noticeable. I went to get my nails done and the woman said to me, "Uhhhh Harriet...uhh you got too much sun yea?" My mother said that she told her about the self tanner fiasco and that the little Asian woman looked at her and touched her arm and said, "Uhhhhh no. You no need. Not fa' ya skin color, no." I busted out laughing. I said to her, "Ma, you can go work at Lowes or Home Depot. People can use you as a paint palette when deciding what color brown to paint their walls." She about had enough of me and my jokes. I asked her to send me a picture and she adamantly refused.

I love my mama.