In Which I Do Not Care

This morning, people were late coming into work.
Want to know why?

Because they got up at the buttass crack of dawn to watch the royal wedding. You were late to work because of a wedding happening in another country.

I'm sorry ya'll, but I don't get it. I was so SICK of the coverage on this wedding. Every single morning on the morning shows, it was "Kate's hats, Kate's weight...blah blah blah." I don't care. I'm sorry. I just don't get the infatuation with a wedding happening in the country that OUR country fought so hard to get away from. Here's what I don't mind though: I don't mind the actual wedding. The union between two people who love each other; That part of it is cool. But now that I have a 4 month old baby who doesn't sleep, I'm SHO as heck not getting up at 4am to watch a wedding. I wouldn't get up that early to watch a family wedding.

Know what I DO care about? The fact that we're getting raped at the gas pump. The fact that we're polluting our planet and slowly making it uninhabitable for our future offspring. I was talking to a friend about it yesterday after work and at work today and he made a good point though. He said that with all that shitty stuff happening here, it's kind of nice to say "Hey look over here!" When he put it that way, it made more sense. Like the shiny object to distract you from the fact that someone just told you that your puppy got hit by a car.

Anywho, maybe we'll get back to reality sooner or later. For now, I'll waste my time watching All My Children. Oh wait, that's not real either....damn it.

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I read CNN online right before the work day starts. Today, in particular, I read about the storms that hit the South. It was a fairly lengthy article, but what caught my eye the most was the way the writer decided to end his article:

"The storm also unleashed as many as 80,000 chickens in Pickens County, Georgia, after four huge coops were destroyed."

Really??? That's all you could come up with to end this story???

Assumptions at Downtown Crossing

Yesterday, I was at the Downtown Crossing T station to head to the airport to meet my sister-in-law who is here to watch Jovie for the week. Jovie was sleeping in the Baby Bjorn and a nice Chinese woman started talking to me. She asked me how old the baby was. She then asked "It's girl?" I said it was (cmon, her ears are pierced now, get with the program please).

She then said, "Oh, light skin. You mom?"

I knew this would happen. I knew the day would come when someone would question whether or not Jovie was my daughter. It happened a little more subtly at the Park Street Station once (hmm..I'm gathering a theme here). But this was the first time someone has blatantly asked me. I always told myself that I'd remain calm when it happened because well, people are people. I did try. I told her that I was. She then said "Oh. Portuguese?" I was getting increasingly agitated. I said "My husband? He's white." She said "Oh. So you black. He white. Good." GOOD????

So what if she wasn't my biological daughter? I was carrying her and protecting her with love. Is it "good" because my equation to her now made sense as to why my daughter is so light? Jovie popped her eyes open, and then at that point, I was so annoyed, tired, and frustrated, I just got up and walked away. I know it shouldn't frustrate me. But it does a little. It does bother me that only because she has light skin, would someone assume she isn't mine. She damn sure looks like me. Her mean attitude is definitely mine. What if she had darker skin? Would she not be as beautiful in the eyes of others?

I know. I need to get over it. And I have. But still. Just feel me, ok??

Breathe (2am)

• Me (in response to a song Grandma Losch is singing to Jovie): That song was in the bomb episode of Grey's Anatomy.
• ManLosch: Yeah?
• Me: Yup. When Meredith is pulling the bomb out the body and then slowly giving it to the bomb squad dude. He then walks out and when he's halfway down the hall....BOOM!! Pink mist.
• ManLosch:Uh wow. You know almost every song and when it happened during Grey's Anatomy episodes. What was the pink mist again?
• Me: The Anesthesiologist is telling the paramedic, played by Christina Ricci, that the bomb squad refers to you as pink mist if you are holding a bomb that explodes. That's what your body becomes.
• ManLosch: You might know a little too much about Grey's Anatomy.
• Me (karate kicks and punches the air): PINK MIST!!

Sitting Shiva

Well ABC. You did it.

You cancelled "All My Children."

Are you happy with yourselves? Because I am devastated. You better make now through September the best episodes ever made EVER by a daytime network EVER. I'm in total shock. I am currently mourning at my desk.

Erica, Tad, Opal, J.R., Cara, Jake.....I will pay tribute to you. The drama will never end.

Martha Stewart Ain't Got Nothin!

Hear ye, Hear ye. I'd like to welcome a friend to the blogging community. His name is Ryan, we work together, and he just started a blog.
(Hi Ryan!)

So what is his fabulous blog about you ask? Well I'll tell you. Food. Beautiful, delicious food. He loves to cook (and I love to eat) and has started chronicling his journey into the recipe world. And he's serious about it too. Bought new placements and plates and everything.

So check it out. It's called "A Food Lover's Porn" and can be found on my blog under "Visual Crack For The Soul." I can't look at the blog while at work because it makes me hungry, so welcome a fellow blogger and scamper on over to his site. Yes. Scamper.

Lexi Creates an Alter Ego

I don't even know if I can say that I CREATED one. It has been slowly forming itself and yesterday, it reared it's ugly head.

Meet Stabby Storm.

She is the other side of me who apparently wants to go apesh*t on the medical staff at Mount Auburn Hospital and start overturning trays of needles Hulk-style. She is the side of me that emerges when someone bumps into my babies' stroller and doesn't say excuse me. She is the side of me that will hurt a b*tch if they ever hurt my baby or my husband. 

I've noticed her emerging over the last few months, but yesterday took the cake with my fiasco trying to get a 5 minute chickenpox vaccine. The ordeal lasted an hour and 15 minutes making me even later for work. Stabby Storm emerged and asked the woman at the desk why it was taking so long for someone to give me a shot; if they were extracting the virus from a damn chicken in the back. Yes.

She has arrived.

Jesus and Buckeyes

ManLosch and I are at Mass today and somehow, we're always on the same page...

• Priest: Let us offer one another a sign of that peace...
• ManLosch (turns to me and kisses me): Peace baby.
• Me: Yea, peace.
• Couple with brand new baby 2 rows in front of us: Peace. (the guys turns to us and waves) Peace..
• Me: Peace. (catches a glimpse of his Ohio State shirt)
• ManLosch: (turns to me with a face) Uhh yea. That might be a problem.
• Me: Yea. Totally not cool. No peace.

Why I Love My Mom

My mom sees Jovie's 1st zerbert video on her website. She leaves a comment. This is her comment:

If you somehow still don't get the humor, please look at the last line.

Back to Work

Soooo I'm back at work now. BUMMER.

My first day back wasn't too bad. I did cry Sunday night, and it took me a bit to get out of the house yesterday, but I did it! And when 5:30 hit and I was still in a meeting, I said "Uhhh...yea, my uh-" And everyone said, "Yep, Jovie." I bounced out of my chair PRETTY quick and rushed home. I was greeted with the most beautiful toothless grin I've ever seen.

Who AM I now?! :-)

I Got Sucked In

Yes it's a sad state of affairs. I watch "All My Children" now.

Don't judge me.

I love this show! And guess what? I have a friend who watches it too, so we always talk about what's happening. Look here's the deal: it's like Grey's Anatomy, only it's on EVERY DAY! I love it. It's beautiful. This is what happens when you're home alone with an infant for 14 weeks. You go crazy. I got tired of talking to myself and only getting spit up as a form of conversation from Jovie, so I sought an outlet. And that outlet is AMC.

Go on. Give it a try. There is so much weird, dirty drama that you'll say "Wow. My life is great" or "Ooo where did she get that dress from?" So in addition to fake drama, I get style ideas to hide my little belly pooch.

You know you want to think about it. It's ok. I won't judge you. Come back and tell me what you think. :-)

Day 15

Five Things I Need To Say

1. How did we end up the way we did?
2. The solution that helped your baby may not help mine. I just need your understanding sometimes, not telling me what is best. What's best is what's best for MY baby.
3. If I tell you to do something, please just do it. It's rare that I tell someone to do something, and sometimes, when I "suggest you try" something, it really means do it.
4. It makes me sad that I've barely listened to music the last 3 months. Yes, I know it's for a reason,  but it still upsets me.
5. I'm a skinny bitch. Get over it. I've always been thin and I always will be. I can't control it. It's genetics. Now stop calling me anorexic or too thin and take a look at your own damn body. I don't call you fat do I? No because I'm not insensitive and I probably think you are beautiful anyway. So stop making me feel like I don't take care of myself and that I'm not beautiful and perfect the way God made me. I don't need to eat a hamburger. I need you to STFU.

Day 14

Five Ways To Win My Heart

1. Cook dinner for me (preferably something with seafood and I'll be hooked).
2. Actively listen to what I'm saying and respond appropriately.
3. Ask me to marry you (I mean cmon, what'd you expect)
4. Kick my chair, rub glue on my arm, and call me a fartface.
5. Make me laugh all the time. Even in my sleep.

Day 13

Five Ways To Make You Cry

1. Say you don't love me anymore.
2. Tell me that no one in my trifecta of men would ever date me.
3. Trip me and let me fall on concrete.
4. Knock me up and watch the hormones flow.
5. Failing at anything.

Day 12

Five Bad Things About You

1. I'm extremely stubborn.
2. I have a hard time forgiving those that have really wronged me.
3. I'm still not too sure about this whole motherhood thing.
4. I laugh at others expense (not all the time, but c'mon when you wear a zebra print catsuit and you weigh 400lbs, it's like asking for commentary).
5. My patience is always thin. ALWAYS.

Day 11

Five Good Things About You

1. I'm an extremely supportive friend and I love being there for my closest friends if they need me.
2. I put others before me a good chunk of the time (which I guess could also be a bad thing).
3. Creativity is a large passion.
4. I make people laugh (sometimes inappropriately).
5. I actively work hard at trying not to judge people. It's hard, and I'm not perfect. But I do make a solid effort to remember that everyone has their own story. 

Day 10

Five Things You'll Never Do

1. Skydive.
2. Tell someone I love them/like them if I don't.
3. Cheer for the Red Sox.
4. Drink Smirnoff Ice (too much in college and it's not that good).
5. Raise a family without dogs.

Day 9

Five Things You Want To Do

1. Write a book.
2. Go to Australia.
3. Figure out how to be a good mom.
4. Serve at a soup kitchen in the next few months.
5. Be a guidance counselor for high school kids.

Day 8

Five Things You're Known For

1. The girl who loves to dance at weddings (someone once mentioned hiring me as entertainment..don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing).
2. Doing the Elaine dance at work at random moments during the day.
3. Turning my lips inside out (yea you don't want to know).
4. The girl that somehow ends up in funny and strange situations, thus giving me strange and somewhat hilarious blogging material.
5. My love of shoes. LOVE LOVE LOVE SHOES.

Day 7

Five Things That Make You Hyper

1. "Come on Eileen." That song makes me happy and makes me want to shake it all over the house. And I usually do.
2. Good juju.
3. Caramel Macchiatos from Starbucks. Especially after 9 months of being pregnant. MMMMM....
4. Receiving chocolate covered strawberries and spa gift certificates in the same day!
5. My trifecta: Patrick Dempsey, John Krasinski, and Sam Bradford. Again, ManLosch is aware of my relationship with all 3 and is fully supportive.