The Olympics, or White People Doing White People Shit

ZOMG.

The Olympics are on. First, let me preface this by saying I am saddened that some dude died while PRACTICING on the luge thing. Let me now say "GUYS, HE WAS ONLY PRACTICING?! NOBODY TESTED THIS SHIT BEFOREHAND?!?!"

And there you have it. 2 weeks of white people doing things that only white people care about. Am I racist? Again, no. I married a white man, which has helped me gain an all-access-granted view into the wonderful world occupied by white folks. The only thing ever interesting about the Olympics are when people fall, trip, fight (not even sure this happens, but I can hope), poison their opponents (maybe back when Greece first started these games? again a girl can hope...), or just utterly wipe out and smack their face against something hard.

ManLosch loves the Olympics. He loves it so much that he DVR's this shit. I'm not sure we've watched normal people tv since the Olympics started a few days ago. What have I been doing since then you ask? Glancing up at the Olympics, looking at the dog, sleeping, reading, writing, sleeping, playing with the dog, laughing at the Asians who took each other out during speed skating, and that's about it. I'm amazed that people can compete against each other over a span of two weeks and people love watching this crap! I watched some of the opening ceremonies and didn't see many black people...did I miss them? I fell asleep right around the time I said, "Aren't those ethnically diverse Native Americans tired of dancing in place yet? They've been dancing for 89 countries now...."

Now, if I were allowed to pick the different events for the Olympics, we might be looking at:
-Hair-weaving: How fast and neat can you put in a girl's weave with minimal breaks?
-Cooking contest: Who can cook a pan of fried chicken, mac & cheese, and collards first? You will be judged on speed AND taste.
-Grey's Anatomy Trivia: Who said, "Pick me, choose me, love me?"
-Wii Bowling: Grab a beer, some popcorn, and see who gets the best score.
-Texting: We all do it. Now who can do it the fastest with no mistakes? Now who can do it the fastest with gloves on? (I mean, it's STILL the Winter Olympics)
-Dance Competition: Whoever is left standing at the end is the winner. There will be all types of genres played to appeal to all participants. Except Taylor Swift.

Also, Kanye West will be at my Olympics to upstage anyone who wins the gold, therefore moving you from nobody to P.Diddy in a matter of minutes. You know you're interested. Now grab your torch and let's go cross country snow luge tubing.