LaLosch Learns About "Load Bearing Members"

And wouldn't you like to know exactly what that is????
It sounds like......yea. EXACTLY THAT. It's so awesome.

But, unfornately, it's not what you think. I had ManLosch teach me some architecture words today, kinda like 1st grade flash cards. Architecture for True Dummies. We were eating a fabulous lunch at Pizza Hut today after Mass (which by the way, they brought back the holy water AND the "Peace Be With You's....ehhhhhh) and I said "So teach me something architecturally related." ManLosch says,"That's a little vague babe. What do you want to know?" I said, "I dunno, something that will make me sound like the smartest person alive. Like I want to tell someone they look like something architecturally related and they'll have no idea what the hell I'm talking about."

So he thinks. And he says "Cupola." I said, "Who?" He said, "A cupola. It's like, uh, it's always on a roof. It's often an ornamental feature." I said, "Like the Capitol building in D.C.?" He says, "No that's a dome." (BTW people, we came back to this and I was right. He finally knew which piece I was talking about)

Then we started talking about how engineers make it work and architects make it pretty, and that you need an architectural engineer to be your consultant. I asked him why he can't ask a civil engineer. He said "Because they are mainly responsible for LARGE INFRASTRUCTURAL PROJECTS." I said, "Whoa, whoa. What's that? That's phrase number 2." He said, "Like all the roadwork you see, highways, bridges, etc." (Why they can't just say bridges and crap, I don't understand).

Then he looked at me, smiled, and said "Load Bearing Members." I said, "WHAT?! Wait, not here. Not at Pizza Hut. Really??" He laughed and said, "That's a phrase. I knew you'd like it." I said, "What the hell?! What is that? As far as I know, a load bearing member is....." He said, "Well basically, you are a load bearing member. I am too. The furniture is too. Architects have to take into account all structural members that carry a load, like weight."

I was all too happy with this last one and all day, I've been pointing out load bearing members. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! I also taught myself "geodesic dome" a few months ago, so everything I said today sounded a little like:

"Your large geodesic structural project of a face looks a little like Johnny is holding onto a load bearing member."

I LOVE architecture.

Just How Black Am I?

So black, that I did NOT enjoy that ski film I went to with ManLosch. Know why? There were NO black people there to watch it. White people love them some ski shit. It was a montage ("We need a montaaaawwwwge") of different white folks on skis, falling and zipping through the snow to rock music and everyone in the audience was like "YEA Skip ROCKS! Wooooo, yeeeeeea."

At least I know not to watch that again. Or go to an event at the Berklee Performance Center; the seats are made for Smurfs, I'm convinced.

Either way, back to my Saturday night of watching friends play beer pong! (That just made my black argument null and void, huh?)
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All I Want For Christmas is......

I'm getting an early jump on my Christmas list this year people (ManLosch....are you reading this?). So feel free to come back to this whenever you aren't sure what to buy me for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or my birthday!

1) Wii Fit (because my gym membership isn't enough....even when I barely go)
2) A new digital camera (just because...shut your face)
3) A puppy (because LoschDog needs a friend)
4) A kitten (because LoschDog needs a squeaky toy)
5) A $2,000 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble (because we allll know how books can be expensive these days)
6) A MacBook Air
7) New neighbors (because the ones upstairs SUCK royally)
8) A servant (I take kids, midgets, anyone. I don't discriminate)
9) World Peace
10) Kidz Bop 16 (because we all love versions of our favorite songs sung by your neighbor's 10 year old boy whose b*lls haven't even dropped yet)
11) A Snuggie

Stay tuned.......

You Saw WHO??

I went to yoga last night. I mean, I normally go on Wednesday nights for my 7:30pm class. Hatha Yoga with Jill (we love you Jill....Namaste). So I settle in, put my mat down, take my sweater off, and start trying to relax. And I see someone walk in.

I squint a little, with the low lighting and not having my glasses on, and I think, "Hmm, that person looks familiar." I stretch a little more and the face gets closer. I think, "Hmm, that person DEFINITELY looks familiar...wait....is that.....noooooo...no it can't be."

Yep. It was my freakin therapist.
And if you could imagine a silent freakout in ones' own head, I can imagine I looked like this:

(The fact that I go to therapy is no secret people. It's on my list and it's nice to pay someone that you can vent to objectively)

But yes, she walked in. And she recognized me. And she put her mat right down next to mine and talked to me. It was all KINDS of strange. And so what? Yea, I freaked out a little, but hey guess what?? That's why I'm in therapy people. Makes a little more sense now doesn't it? I think it's the fact that you never expect those types of people to have an outside life other than doing what they get paid to do. Kinda like "No, they just go to work and then go home." Like if you were in 3rd grade and you saw your teacher in the mall and you're like "OMG IT'S HER! I KNOW HER! And she's going to talk to my parents about my class performance on the weekend in the mall!!!!!!!!!"

I'm not making a big deal of it, but I AM telling you that it was strange. Like "Oh, that baby named Cortez has 6 fingers" strange.

It's Back!

I waited too many weeks for this. But it's finally back. Tonight.....it's finally back.


I'll be parking my sweet ass on the recliner tonight and reuniting with Mr. Shu, Prego Quinn and her clueless boyfriend Finn (THE BABY ISN'T YOURS DUMMY!!), and my idol Sue Sylvester. Sue, no worries. We're only a few hours away from reuniting in Glee glory.

If you haven't given this show a chance yet.....damn. I feel for you. Now go watch it and tell me what you think.

Things Running Through My Mind

Here are just a few things that were possibly running through my mind when this photo was taken:
1) You got GOT homie! I just took all your money!
2) Did YOU dress me in a bleached 80's EPCOT shirt?? Because if so, this is truly atrocious.
3) Keep laughing at my knock knees. You just keeeeep laughing.
4) I think my cheeks are as big as your stomach.
5) Wait, why is my hairline uneven? Hey, well...I guess it's kinda funny.
6) I just jumped on Mommy's stomach to ensure that I was going to be the last! Ha HA!
7) Hello mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper, and it's not a toaster.

Cryin'

Dear Mr. Tyler,

My name is Lexi Losch and you have devastated my husband, otherwise known as ManLosch. You are apparently leaving Aerosmith, his most favoritist band ever known to mankind ever in the world ever. He sent me a message at work to let me know and I had to sit shiva for him. How could you do this? You had my man cryin'(get it? i used you your song for the joke.....yea....you got it......yeaaaaa).

In an effort to ease the pain, he listened to your CD's while working from home. Are you really leaving? Because I think this might be a publicity stunt. What? Oh, you're kinda for real leaving? Oh. Well I...oh. Okay, well ManLosch is crying again. Why'd you have to go and break your leg on tour and then make a big deal about Brand Tyler?! I thought you gave up drugs and some drinking. No? Well do you really have to quit? ManLosch is pretty broken up about this; we even went to an Aerosmith concert on our wedding anniversary so you really can't leave the group. So you're pulling a Journey? Or a Guns n Roses? Just because Joe Perry left once doesn't mean you have to do the same thing (and you should really think about returning his phone calls, that's not right). And ManLosch just said that Brad Whitford left too, but who the hell knows who he is anyway?

So think about it Stevie buddy. You know you don't want to quit. So keep your scarf wrapped microphones and harmonica solos. ManLosch will be broken and go Crazy (ha! get it?) if you leave. You know you don't wanna miss a thing (ahh I'm so good). Just go back to the studio.

Dream On forever,
LaLosch

Verdict??

I'm proud to be an American (where at least I know I'm free...yea yea), but I just got home from Niagara Falls. I was there with ManLosch for the weekend and as you know, there is a Niagara Falls, NY and Niagara Falls, ON. We frequented both the American and Canadian sides.

I'm sorry America....but Canada has you beat. Like seriously. I think we spent more than half our time in Canada. When you look at the U.S.A. from Canada, you think "Hmm, well it looks like everyone is slummin' it eh." When you look at Canada from the U.S.A., you think "Holy crap, let's go there to gamble, and eat dinner, and not be bored." As we were coming back into the States Saturday night, there was a LINE at customs to get INTO Canada that went as far back as our hotel. People were ready to party in Canada and NO ONE was ready to party in the U.S.A. C'mon America, that should tell you something. Put some Christmas lights up or hang up a wooden welcome sign.

Either way, we had an awesome time. I'll discuss later and post some pics when I'm not so damn tired from the 7 hour drive. 'Night kids.

Squeaky Shoes and the 6 Finger Baby

ManLosch and I spent most of the day in Toronto today. We went to visit Chris and Jarrett there and spent the day walking around. We did the one big tourist-y thing there and went to the CN tower, which I affectionately call "The Big Needle Building." So we head up and while we're waiting in line to go to the very top (can't remember what it's called), there's this family behind us of like a million. They had this stroller made for 3 kids. I already knew the wait in line based on that alone would be shitty.

So the dad walks by with one of the kids. And something is squeaking. I assume at first it's just a toy. No. It was not. The kid had on squeaking shoes. So everytime the thing-kid took a step, it squeaked, like a dog toy (ManLosch and I discussed that we could never dress our kids in those because LoschDog would think the kid was a squeaker toy and go after him/her). I was ready to rip the shoes off and throw them from the top of the tower. Until I then noticed the kid's sister or brother (I don't know, alot of babies look the same to me) sleeping in the front seat of the tri-seater. I looked and noticed that the hands moved a little and I looked at the small hands. And I said to myself "Hmm, wait a minute, something doesn't look anatomically correct." So I start counting, because I'm weird and I count people's fingers sometimes. And I said "One, two, three, four, five......SIX?!??! Wait, Six???" Yea, this baby had 6 fingers. Holy crap. I tried to contain it, but I told ManLosch and then I told Chris. Of course Chris started laughing and I was trying to hold it in the best I could. It wasn't like "HAHAHA, your 6 fingered baby is a freak." It was that weird, uncomfortable laughter because you don't know how else to react to a 6 fingered baby.

Either way, once we got to the top, we discovered that the 3rd kid had the squeaking shoes too. And the kids names were "Diego" and "Cortez."

Yea. You read right.

Oh Canada.

Isn't She Lovvveelllly

It's a Natural Wonder of the World people. Behold Mother Nature's majestic beauty, even when it's 40 degrees out. And I had to borrow Ryan's hat. And I was wearing a poncho so I wouldn't get wet and thus suffer a horrible Niagara version of hypothermia. But other than that, it's pretty right?? :-)
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

LaMontagne and Niagara

Last night, I went to a concert with a friend, DiDi (thanks for the ticket DiDi!). We saw Ray LaMontagne at the Wang Theatre in Boston and it was nothing short of amazing. It felt like you were in a living room, wrapped up in blankets, sipping some wine (or your alcoholic beverage of choice), and just relaxing away your evening. It was great. What WASN'T great was the opening act. It got so bad that DiDi got up and left to wait in the lobby because she couldn't take it. In between songs, he said "So are you guys ready for Ray LaMontagne??" And everyone started screaming. So we all thought that he was done. But then he started another song and a loud young woman yells out "No, we want him NOW, WE WANT HIM NOOWWWWWWWW!!!" That, I'm fairly sure, was heard by the entire audience and quite possibly the crappy opening act.

Anyway, I'm on vacation. ManLosch and I drove to Niagara Falls. We finally got here about 30 minutes ago and we can see the mist of the falls from our hotel window, it's pretty. And free wireless allows me to update you lovelies on my trip. So right now, we're trying to figure out what the hell is going on and what you have to pay for and then we're going to walk out to see the falls lit up at night, get dinner, and probably crash because it was a long drive. But I will be seeing Christopher Jones in Toronto in 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Score. Okay, I'm hungry. Catch me on Twitter or something. I'll holler homies.

I Look Like.....Leona Lewis??

Hey kids, I have a story. So I went to Panera for lunch today. Panera is in the same complex of my workplace. I go to open the door and a man opens the door for me (he's walking out). He's this short little Asian man. He says "Wow, are you a princess?" I stop and I'm like "What? Huh?" Parts of the rest of this story will be in conversation format to save space...
Him: Are you a princess? You look like one.
Me: Uh, no I'm not. But I damn sure wish I was one.
Him: Well you definitely look like one. No wait, you look like that girl from American Idol. You know...um, she was on American Idol, I think last season
(I now have a perplexed look on my face because I have NO idea who he is talking about, considering I don't really watch AI anymore)

Him: You know, the Britain girl, that one.
Me: (now realizing who he is probably referring to) You mean Leona Lewis?
Him: YES! YES! You look just like her. Very beautiful. Are you a professional singer?
Me: No.
Him: You sure? You look like one. You sing around here?
I again answer no, in hopes that I can go and get my lunch sooner rather than later. So I tell him I played the flute in college, maybe thinking that my band nerd status will push him away. It doesn't.

Him: Oh! So you are a professional flute player?? You look like one.
I want to smack him at this point. Because how the f*$k do I look like EVERYHING? So I finally get him off this topic and he says...

Him: Well do you work around here? This is the first time I've seen you.
(Ok McStalker)
Me: Yea, I work across the street.
Him: Oh wow! Me too! Where?
Me: Across the street.
Him: Cool, cool. Yea, what's your name?
I was stupid and wasn't fast enough on my feet so I said..
Me: Lexi
Him: That's pretty. My name is Mohammed Ali.
Um....what? Then he finally just laughed nervously and said his name was Ali.

Him: So, uh, do you like Japanese food? I go to this awesome place in Coolidge Corner.
Me: I like sushi, yea.
Him: Would you like to go with me to eat sushi sometime soon??
Me: No thanks, I'm going to have to pass.
Him: Well, we could just go eat something else. I mean, I'll eat anything, it doesn't have to be sushi.
Me: No, I mean, I don't think my husband would appreciate me going out to have sushi with a man he's never met. Especially on a date.
Him: Oh! I didn't see the rings. Sorry, I was so focused on your beautiful eyes. (WHHHHAAAAAAT???? Sha-huh??)

He then proceeded to tell me that maybe he could meet my husband so he could bring his friends and I could bring my husband for sushi. This makes NO kind of sense. NONE. Are you flippin kidding me?! Either way, this conversation ended because I kept inching towards the registers, trying to send a signal that I was starving, but that apparently didnt work. Anyway, I just thought this entire exchange was hilarious. I had a good time. I hope you did too. And watch out for little dudes opening doors for you....they might think you're a professional Leona Lewis flute player.

Stuff Lexi Likes #4

I hope you're keeping up with my blog so you know that we're on a journey together to find out how white I am.

#90 Dinner Parties
Well I like food. And I like parties. So why WOULDN'T I like dinner parties? Especially when there is wine and lots of laughter. And I know I'm not the only one. So who wants to invite me to one?

#101 Scarves
I don't own THAT many but I like scarves. It's a nice addition to an outfit and they are so cute when dressed with a white shirt. Okay, let me stop because I think the scarves one alone is proving how white I am.

#108 High School English Teachers
I had some of the BEST English teachers in high school. Especially Mr. Lanzetta. 11th grade. 11th grade was when I re-discovered my love for reading and discovered that I was a decent writer. Or Mr. and Mrs. Trotta (yea, I had a husband and wife, 10th grade and 12th grade AP English). The only thing I was good in while in high school was English. So shut your face.

#121 Reusable Shopping Bags
I like saving the Earth. We only have one! And why wouldn't you want to try to make this planet better for yourself? Get out of my face.

I'll keep it short this time kids. The next installment may be the last one and we'll tally up the goods.

Blue Ford Focus, How Art Thou?

Dear Tricia,

It was nice to finally meet you this morning. I thought to myself "She's going to think I'm a psycho, coming up to her car to ask her a question, maybe I shouldn't do this." But something told me that I should. So I did. And you were nice. I asked you if you went to UM and you said yes so I told you that I did too. A smile that is recognizable among fellow 'Canes told me that you were happy to meet another UM Alum who got caught in the arctic Northeastern air (arctic compared to living in Miami right?). We talked for a few minutes, about graduation dates and about living in Miami past graduation. Then you asked me about football games and we talked about that. I introduced myself and you thought my name was Leslie. That's ok. I corrected you. As I do everyone who thinks my name is Leslie.

So Tricia, it was nice to meet you and your Blue Ford Focus decked out in Miami stickers and the license plate holder. We work in the same building for different companies, but maybe...just maybe we'll talk again.

Hope your Monday was better than mine.

Sincerely,
Leslie (but I prefer Lexi)

Swine Flu Hits The Catholics

ManLosch and I went to Mass this morning (natch). We sat, did our initial prayers, and waited for Mass to begin. Well, the priest, Father Al, had a few morning announcements. Due to the increasing swine flu epidemic/pandemic/paranoiademic, a few changes would be happening in the church. So ManLosch and I silent the voices in our heads (okay, only I silent the voices in my head) to listen.

Father Al reminds us of all the Purell stations around the sanctuary. Then he said "I'm sure you all noticed that when you walked in, there was no holy water. The Archdiocese has made the recommendation to remove all holy water stations until further notice." YOU SERIOUS?! REALLY? Then he says "If you need holy water for your home, please see me and we can make arrangements." I looked at ManLosch and was like "Is this for real??"

Then he continues. He says "During Communion, there will only be the host. The Archdiocese has also recommended that we do not offer the wine. We will continue to take the wine when blessing the host. Also, if you can try to refrain from taking the host directly on the tongue, that would help." I was alright with that. Even though the wine DOES help wash down my tasteless Jeezit, I figured I'd survive. I mean, if Jesus survived in the desert for 40 days, I think I can survive eating a cracker that's supposed to be him without the grape juice follow up (Belmont is a dry town people).

THEN IT GETS BETTER. Father Al continues. He says "Last, The Archdiocese has also recommended that we do not offer each other a sign of peace. Where normally we would turn to our brothers and sisters in the congregation to shake hands and offer a friendly hello, you will only respond with 'And also with you' after I say 'May Peace Be With You Always.' After that, we will go straight into Communion." WHHHHAAAAT?! If you read my blog then you KNOW how much I abhor the "Peace Be With You" part of Mass. So when he said this, ManLosch looked at me and laughed because I nearly jumped out of the pew in excitement.

So during Mass, ManLosch and I kept making jokes like "Oh, please don't touch the songbook. See that spot? That's swine flu" or "Please don't pray out loud because if you open your mouth, you might spread swine flu." He even said, "Next week, they'll instruct us to NOT come to church, but watch the webcast of Mass and then we can lick the screen when they hold the host up to the camera." I'm surprised that it took this long for the Catholics to get all paranoid about the flu. Wasn't Catholicism around during all the plagues? Were they not sharing wine and bread and handshakes then too? I mean, I'm not complaining about the "Peace Be With You" part, but don't you think ALL of this is a little excessive? Wait, don't tell me out loud. You might spread swine flu.

GoodBye October, Hello NaBloPoMo

It's 11:45pm on Halloween. I'm getting ready for the month of November, which for me is NaBloPoMo. One blog post a day for the entire month. So am I glad October is almost over? Yea kinda.
So what do YOU have to look forward to by reading my blog everyday for a month? Well let's just say there will be prizes and giveaways people. And I'm super super duper serious about that. I'm going to try to turn a normally dull month into something fun. So stay tuned for all the good times.

Bring it on NaBloPoMo!!

Srsly

Man, I hate serious blogs. So I'm going to just mix this one up.
First, thank you all SO SO MUCH for all of your kind words and prayers for my dad. It's definitely helping all of us get through this a little bit easier. Right before I left for yoga, my longtime friend Zoe called me and we talked a little, and that phone call really almost made me cry. So thanks Zoe, I miss you and I love you. And many thanks to my new friend DiDi, who is helping me keep my mind off all the seriousness by inviting me to a concert next week. :) All the words and encouragement are so appreciated, I'm not sure I can put it into anymore words.

On another note, I also wanted everyone to check out the little badge on the sidebar. I joined this site called NaBloPoMo, and it stands for National Blog Posting Month. So for the month of November, I will be posting everyday. So I hope you'll keep following and remain interested, because November will be a fun month, despite all of the serious going on around me! I'm doing this with a fellow blogger, Steph from Canada (her blog is Life's Surprises if you're interested) so we're going to motivate each other.

Okay, back to harassing the hospital... :-)

I Don't Like Somber Blogs

I was so hyped to write about the Boston Bookfest that I attended this past Saturday. I was going to go on and on about the sessions I attended and the literary journals and books I bought (for under $20 mind you).

And then my dad had a heart attack. Yeaaaaaaaaa.

So I don't really do somber blogs or anything. That's not really me. But he's doing better. It doesn't help that my relationship with him has been somewhat strained. And when I say "somewhat" I mean "really" and when I say "strained" I mean awful and atrocious. So when he left me a voicemail, all I thought was "Oh here we go again." I was having a great Sunday brunch with the ManLosch, and getting ready to go see a movie, so I said "Eh, it can wait." Well, uh.....right. Either way, my brain has been going a mile a minute since Sunday night. I went to visit him yesterday; we drove from Boston at 4am to Brooklyn and back in the same day. We did alot of talking and I did alot of being mean to the nurses and doctors because they were slightly confused. And when I say "slightly" I mean completely and when I say "confused" I mean incompetent. I spoke to him tonight and he's doing alright, except for the fact that he's not in his own room anymore. He's apparently making a large to do about wanting to go back to the CCU so he can have his own room again. I yelled at him and told him to please stop annoying the nurses.

Anyway, if you're reading this and knew, thanks for being there for me and my family during this. He doesn't really get along with most of the family anymore, so I think it was nice that he's been in everyone's prayers lately. And all I can really do right now is take this day by day.

Good Hair

I saw the documentary "Good Hair" a few hours ago (which by the way, is only playing in like 3 theatres around Boston, and when I say around Boston, I mean like 45 minutes outside of downtown). If you ever had any questions about black hair and/or black women and their hair, you should definitely go see it. It's a good mix of fact, opinion, and humor (Chris Rock.....so c'mon).

It's sad though, when you see 4 year old girls getting their hair permed and saying that all girls should get their hair permed because "everyone does it" or "because it's the right thing to do." I mean, WHAT? One part of the documentary also showed Chris Rock trying to sell black hair to shops instead of the human Indian hair most women wear. He asked one guy what was wrong with it and said "What? Are you afraid that if someone buys and wears this black hair, they'll get sickle cell anemia?" AND THE GUY SAID YES!!!! I won't spoil anymore of it if you plan to go see it.

I also suggest that you read some of the reviews of it. Very mixed and uh....let's just say discussion starters.

Sue Sylvester, Let's Be Friends

Sue Sylvester is my idol. Why you ask? Because she says and does the most inappropriate things. Don't get my wrong, I like the entire show "Glee." If you still haven't caught on and watched an episode, you need to get out of my face and go do it. Because any show that suggests "The Thong Song" as a first dance for a wedding is AMAZING. Any show that can discuss minorities with jokes ("Asian! Wheels! Shaft!....) and get away with it gets my approval (and that was totally a Sue quote).

So anyway, my most favorite part of "Glee" is Sue Sylvester. She is a package of awesome that was delivered to my Wednesday nights. And if you haven't seen last night's episode, let me just share a little bit of Sue wisdom with you:

"If that set list is 1 minute late, I will buy you a kitty cat, I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat, and then on a cold dark night, I will steal away into your house, and punch you in the face."


Total Gleek.