Who Wins?

I was on the bus coming from Harvard Square tonight with ManLosch. It was full, not packed. There were some empty seats in the back. Well in the back there was an older woman sitting and a younger woman with her iPod on and it was REALLY loud. All of a sudden, the older woman turned to the younger woman and says, "Excuse me but can you PLEASE turn that down? Miss? Miss? Can you please turn it down?" The younger woman says "Uhh." The older woman says "I have a really bad headache and your music is too loud." The younger woman says, "Well why don't you just sit over there in THAT seat?" The older woman says, "Because I'm sitting here. I'm not moving."

I think the younger woman turned it down very little. So I asked ManLosch what he thought when we got off the bus. I said, "Who do you think wins? The woman who had the headache or the iPod wearer?" He said,"I side more with the woman with the headache, but only because I don't like obnoxious music that's really loud when I'm on the bus." I said, "Well aren't they BOTH being a little pretentious? Because I think of it this way: if I were the iPod wearer, I honestly wouldn't care that she had a headache, sounds like a personal problem. But on the other hand, there's the rule for the T that says you can't disturb other people with loud music, etc. I get both sides." I think in the end though, I agree with ManLosch. I've also been the victim of someone listening to their iPod WAY too loud and it was super annoying especially when I can't hear my own music.

So what do you think? Who wins?

The Break-Up, Part Trois

Regular yoga night tonight! I got a nice spot in the back. A girl who seemed normal enough placed her mat next to mine. After about 15 minutes, I said to myself "What's that smell??" It seemed to go away for awhile. Then it came back, so I'm like really..wtf is that smell?

Oh hey, I recognize that smell. It's that all too familiar scent of alcohol and shame. The whore next to me had come to yoga from her Saint Patty's Day festivities. Barf. Thanks for that. Shortly thereafter in Extended Child's Pose:, I heard another woman groan to Jill(yoga instructor), "How did you know I needed that? Oooooo.....oh yea....mmmmmmm" WTF?! She just helped her fit into the pose better but instead she sounded as if she were having the world's best orgasm (yea I was a tad jealous).

It's ok, I had my chance soon thereafter. During Pigeon Pose, I needed a better place to rest my head. She walked around and told me in the most soothing voice "You can already place your head on the floor, always do what is comfortable for you" and she totally rubbed my back. In that moment, I totally fell in love with my yoga teacher. I imagined bringing her home and introducing her to ManLosch as my new lady lover ("ManLosch meet Jill. We fell in love during Pigeon Pose) and then realized that I wasn't in love so much as really relaxed. After having a REAL good session tonight, she ends with "Namaste" and then busts out with the information that this will be her last yoga class at the BSC.

WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! Huh? Wait, Jill. C'mon. Let's talk about this. I-I thought we had a connection! She then said that she got a full time job so she won't be able to teach the class anymore, but took our email addresses for a possible retreat and may teach a class in the future. I was in shock and mad because she's so awesome. She was talking to another woman as I was about to walk out and then waved at me and said "Thanks so much for always coming to my class, did you sign up on my list?" I said yes and asked a few more quick questions but the woman she was talking to was giving me the death stare as if I PURPOSELY interrupted their conversation. Look whore #2, she talked to ME. You aren't the only one in the room.

Why Jill? Why? I'll do anything; I'll come on a different night, I'll even swim in the pool and mess up my hair. All to get you to stay. Please?? :-(

Is The Colonel In???

No he's not, but maybe this man was trying to summon him with his narcotics usage. Oh Kentucky, you never cease to amaze....

Drunk, High Dad leaves baby in oven....

Useless...Useless I Tell Ya

So I made it to Best Buy tonight to have the Geek Squad look at my laptop and maybe give me an estimate. We roll on in (ManLosch and I) and he says "My network adapter on this laptop stopped working all of a sudden. It's inside the laptop and we were wondering if you could perhaps give us an estimate or a better idea of what's going on." The guy says "No. We would have to send it out off site so it's up the service repair center."

Aren't YA'LL the Geek Squad? To fix shit? And then even after we said "Really? You can't give us an ESTIMATE?" you still said "No." Not to mention the phone was ringing and you seemed real hell bent on getting that call. Was it your hooker for the night?

So after we left Best Buy, we went to MicroCenter. For you Floridians, it's a little like BrandsMart. When we walked in.....HOLY "40 Year Old Virgin." We went to repairs to see what they could tell us. She was REAL strange, but at least she said that if they were to check my laptop in, they'd have to charge me the initial $70 diagnostic thing..then it'd probably be about $300-and thats about when I stopped listening. $300 to fix my laptop. So after Wednesday Adams stopped talking about the ridic price to fix my laptop, she at least DID offer the temporary solution of using a wireless USB adapter. We walked over to the "Communications Department" and found one fairly cheap with Frodo's help (oh god i'm awful). We walked over to the laptops just to take a look and I swear all I could hear was "OH go fuck a goat!!!!" (if you've seen 40 Year Old Virgin....you get it). We checked out and I kicked Ryan in excitement. Because the guy at the other register was TOTALLY the bald black guy from the movie (Romany Malco). It was nothing short of amazing.

The verdict? I'm looking into new laptops. Sigh.

It CAN Get Worse...

...but it sure doesn't feel like it. Besides all my other personal shit, my laptop refuses to work. I tried to get an estimate on fixing it, and the guy was less than helpful.

I also don't like dealing with difficult applicants (all 3 of you) before 9:30 in the morning. Needless to say, my day is going SWIMMINGLY. Could you tell????

It could totally get worse though, and like the pessimistic person I am, I have my life preserver hanging up nearby, just waiting for the next bad thing. :-(

Grub Gone Blue-ish

I didn't blog about the Grub Gone...Blue event from Friday evening. I had an amazing time. I took my friend DiDi, as you needed tickets for the event. It was for the contest I entered and the two winners got to read their entries. No I didn't win, but hey, writing is about rejection. I was thrilled with myself that I actually submitted an entry. I feel like it's a great step forward.

The winners read (which I thought were so-so), and a few others read. Then Diana Joseph, author of "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" read from that book. What's even more awesome about that is that I have that book on my bookshelf and it's waiting to be read. I'm just sad that I didn't have the book with me for her to sign. The room was PACKED but DiDi and I crammed ourselves on the floor by the open window and sucked it up. After those readings, there was a break (not to mention beer and snacks) before the Open Mic portion. DiDi and I decided to stick around for some of the Open Mic readings and met a guy named Jameson. Who meets people named Jameson?? WE DO. At writer's events. :-)

The Open Mic? WAS HORRRRRIBLE. OMG. DiDi and I had to do everything from choking on our own vomit. Ok, it wasn't that bad. But it was a wonderful wake up call; to never read work out loud unless it's been read over by at LEAST one other person. I think Open Mic's are great because it's an informal way to workshop your work out loud, but still. That doesn't mean everything is great. DiDi looked at my beer and said, "Oh my God, you aren't finished yet...I don't know how much more of this I can take" in between laughs. So I downed the rest of it and we laughed and talked Open Mic and writing on the walk to the T and on the T ride home. DiDi confirmed that my writing was way better than the Open Mic stuff and it felt good. I smiled on the inside and I'm still smiling.

Awesome night ya'll.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #4

This Lent, I feel has been uneventful. I haven't been drinking soda. Some days I've been ok and others I haven't.Since Sunday's are not considered part of Lent, I had an apple soda last Sunday. I only drank about half of it (and it wasn't Lift...it was Goya...and it wasn't very good). So I went back to iced tea. Maybe my overall indifference has been good for me. I don't know. It's still not helping with my complexion though, so I'm not happy with that. I ain't givin up soda for NOTHIN here.

I have also written one note. I'm SO behind on this and I'm going to push myself into high gear this weekend and write a few.

I'm going to an event tonight where I THINK small appetizers will be served and it might take everything in me to not try one, as I guarantee they won't be fish appetizers. Effin Fish Fridays.

Anyway, a little off topic, I did post a one or two line blog about the new look of the blog, but no one really responded (well not on here anyway). And I never gave credit to the person who helped me out with the header photo. It's a few pictures that I had taken myself and that he used to create the header with his art skillz, bowstaff skillz, and computer hacking skillz (thanks Napoleon). So thanks Craig, for helping me out. I'm officially pimping out his services for all your HTML and design needs, however, since I'm the one pimping, I do get a share of this. Feel free to check out his photos on Flickr, with the provided link (because how else would you know where to find his photos? Duh.).

Wait, WHAT?

I got this event invitation on Facebook (yea yea, I'm on Facebook, shut up). I couldn't NOT share this. 


Some people, no matter where you are, will invite you to events. Sometimes it's a club event, sometimes it's just something going on. Because they don't look to really see WHERE we all live, they invite their entire friend list. So I got invited to a garage sale in Miami for this Saturday. The proceeds go to a little girl who is trying out for "Little Miss Fashionette." The little girl's name? N'Maya. Mmmhmm.


What are they selling? Oh just the usual shit. Leather jackets, Coach purses, Laptops, Breast Pumps, Key-WAIT WHAT? Did I just say Breast Pumps????? WHO RE-SELLS A BREAST PUMP PEOPLE?! Isn't that...weird? Okay, look I ain't got no kids. Maybe this shit is acceptable. BUT, I can damn sure REASSURE you all that I would NEVER use someone else's overworked crusty breast pump.


That is all.

Power Up

To fully maximize my gym membership, I manned up and went to a yoga class tonight (yep..it's totally Monday...not my normal day, which means I'm awesome). It was Power Yoga. I came home first and then went back out. I got there 15 minutes early because there was no class before this one and I figured I would be able to get my space in the back.

WRONG.

This class was almost full at 7:15 and it didn't start until 7:30. So I took a spot on the side by the door. In walks the yoga instructor...buff Juan Marco Polo Sanchez the 18th. I dunno, but DAMN LADIES. He had this accent that sounded like "Eeeneejuan new to a-yoga? Eeeneejuan new to my claaaass?" I raised my hand for the class part. He smiled and said he would pay extra attention to me (holler). I mean, the poses weren't anything new, so I was ready to try something more intermediate to advanced. And these mothereffers weren't playin around. Juan Polo wore like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shoes.

I wanted to scream out "It's easy for you because you're buff times eight!!" but I didn't. Instead, I just got the workout of a lifetime (and the girl next to me? she totally farted while doing elevated knee to elbow crunches). Marco Juan came over and helped me a little too (shaaaa-WHHHAAAT?). All in all.....I actually liked it. Even though it was longer than usual at an hour and ten minutes as opposed to the fifty minutes, I really feel like I challenged my mind and body tonight.

Now back to the compress on my shoulders.....

We Takin' Over!!

• Me: (as "Precious" wins something)Do you see how they keep showing all the black people in attendance after someone wins for "Precious?".
• ManLosch: Haha! You're so awful. But yea.
• Me: (as Mo'Nique wins for "Precious") Now THAS' whats up! Black people are taking over the Oscars. Fuck yea!
• ManLosch: This coming from the girl reading "Martha Stewart: Living" while watching the Oscars..
• Me: Shut up. It was free. Hmpmh.

Sale at The Gap

OMG...so it's not so much a sale, but you will be doing a great thing while getting something great in the meantime!

The Gap is recycling old jeans! They don't have to be Gap jeans either. They can be ANNNNNY brand of jeans. You bring them in and you get 30% off your purchase of a new pair of jeans! You also get 35% off if you use your Gap card!! They use the recycled jeans for eco-friendly insulation on new houses.

You know you wanna go get you some new jeans while saving the planet. Mmmmhmmmm.

Oscar Nominated Animated Shorts

So after nearly strangling the taxi driver who didn't know where the ICA was....we made it to see the Oscar Nominated Animated Shorts. I saw the advertisement for it on Sunday when we were at the ICA, and I was interested because normally, you don't ever see these things. Because I'm not a very good reviewer, you will get the Lexi version of my review of each nominee:

French Roast: Eh. This one was about a guy who is in a coffee shop and he realizes he lost his wallet, so to avoid the bill, he just orders more coffee. Mmmmmmyeaaaaa. Wasn't that funny.

The Lady and The Reaper (La Dama y La Muerte): This one was real cute. An old lady is ready to die to meet her hubby in heaven. She actually dies and the reaper comes to get her, but she ends up in the hospital where the doctor saves her life. The cartoon is about the reaper and the doctor both fighting to get her soul. It's pretty awesome and funny.

Wallace and Gromit: A Matter of Loaf and Death: This was funny. This was the longest animated short (at roughly 30 minutes). Wallace falls in love with some psycho woman and Gromit saves him (that's pretty much it). It was funny. A liiiitle adult humor, but otherwise, nothing that made me get out of my seat to clap. This might win off of reputation alone. It's familiar. People are at least aware of the Wallace and Gromit animations, even if they've never seen them.

Granny O'Grimm's Sleeping Beauty: Now I loved this one. A little old grandmother tells her version of Sleeping Beauty to her grandchild. It's pretty hilarious.

Logorama: First, there was a warning it started about violence and adult language and situations. The warning was up there for like 10 minutes (Lexaggeration of course....oh yea, btw...that's my new word). Once it started though, I thought it was amazing. It was a great way to show how commercialism is killing off our society. BUT I could also understand why someone might think it's overkill. This is a possible winner I think.

Now I don't do predictions. I don't know what's going to win. But MY PERSONAL two faves were Logorama and Granny O'Grimm. Good stuff. It was a fun night last night.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #3

Fuck, I just want a soda.

Barnes and Noble Can Kiss My Ass

I go to Barnes and Noble because I have a membership there. I placed something on hold, something to help me with my writing. When you place something on hold, you can pick it up in the store after they send you the confirmation email that they have it and it's ready.

So I placed something on reserve and this is what I received:

So heeeey bitches, I went to get my shit in Framingham the next day. They told me they reserved a copy in my name and they were holding it for me. I arrive, try to pick it up, and whaddaya know? It's the WRONG thing. So I say, "This isn't what I put on hold." I showed them that the hold paper THEY printed out and wrapped around the item didn't even match. She says, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Hold on while we go get the right thing." She disappears and returns a few minutes later to tell me THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY. How the fuck was I able to reserve it then, when it said it was in stock?? So she says, "The Burlington store has it. I'm so sorry. You can buy it there." ManLosch and I get in the car and drive to Burlington from Framingham. We get there and we ask the woman at the Customer Service desk for it (after we told her what happened); because she was 8/10th's retarded, it took her 10 minutes to actually find it in the system; she said they had it, she disappeared to get it, and came back and said they didn't have any.

WHHAAAAT?! I gave her the look of death and as I was walking out, she said, "I can order it for you..." I said, "No thanks."

I sent an email to Barnes and Noble because I was pissed off and it was very detailed about how I thought it was ridiculous that it said it was in stock, AND someone physically placed it on hold. They finally emailed me back, 5 days later.....

"Dear Alexis Losch,
Thank you for your email regarding the "Pick Me Up" feature on the
Barnes & Noble website.  Please accept our sincere apologies that your
experience was a disappointing one.  

Our website asks that our customers contact the store prior to their
visit to verify availability, as our inventory changes frequently.
Besides ensuring that the item can be reserved, the Bookseller can
immediately place the item at the register area, under your name, for
three business days.

We are always looking for ways to enhance customer service in our
stores, and we assure you that we will keep your feedback in mind as we
review the services they provide.

We value your patronage and hope to see you in our stores again soon.


Sincerely,

Enchantia "

Please check the second paragraph. They ask that I call the store prior to picking it up to ensure its availability. ISN'T THAT WHAT PLACING IT ON HOLD IS FOR?! So I place it on hold and I wait for an email. I got the email which means a person physically went to grab what I wanted/what I reserved, printed the paper, and wrapped the paper around the box with a rubber band. Which means that I shouldn't have to call beforehand...because an actual person...put it...on...hold. Right. And the best part? Her name is ENCHANTIA. WHO THE FUCK?! This is how I know this is some bullshit. Thanks Enchantia for your not so accurate email.

Thanks Barnes and Noble. You can take your "Pick Me Up" feature and shove it up Enchantia's enchanted ass.

Bitches!!!!

STOP CLAPPING AT THE END OF YOGA!!!!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

The Hour of My Discontent

I had an ATROCIOUS day today. Atrocious is light too. Whatever is worse than atrocious is what my day was today.

So I got home today, spouting alot of obscenities and realized that I needed to do something to take my mind off the day. I decided to do an activity I found on one of my favorite websites Soul Pancake. The activity is to take a page from a newspaper, magazine, or book (or book you wish you never read) and find a poem in it. You're basically crossing out lines until you find what you're looking for. Here is what mine looked like:

Here is the poem that I found in this article:

In the upcoming scenes

There are heartbreaking questions about creative exploitation

You were interesting, actually

Tricky, involved, a narcissist

I wasn't happy.

Hyper-aware about one person's perspective

Playing became performing;

it's our story.

Central to playing ourselves, monogamy overcoming emotions

Spoken, articulate, too pretentious

Torture was so damaging.

Plain Perspective

Today, I dragged ManLosch to the ICA today (Institute of Contemporary Art) in downtown Boston. I heart this place.

So anyway, the exhibits are pretty much mostly on the 4th floor, where you see those lights in the window in the picture above. And if you stand there and look out the window, you can see Charlestown and Logan Int'l Airport. Why is this important? Well because I'll admit now: While I have a ton of mixed emotions about flying, I LOVE watching planes take off and land. Maybe it's the rhythmic orchestration of it all. Maybe I see it as an art form itself.

I like to play this game too when I watch planes take off. I like to guess what a random person in a random seat is doing while taking off, or while in the air. So as I was leaving one exhibit, I stopped to watch a plane take off. ManLosch asked me why I was stopping and I pointed. So I said, "17C...the women is dying for a cigarette and since she's an addict, she's chewing Nicorette and nervously picking at her cuticles. The man next to her is reading a newspaper and wondering why she's picking her cuticles but won't ask her. Your turn." He says, "All of that, but there's a baby in the back of the plane crying. Because there's always a crying baby on a plane." I said, "That's not very imaginative. C'mon be original. You aren't fascinated that when you look out and see a plane taking off, it looks smaller than what it is, but it's got 150-200 people on it all doing different things?" He says, "Not really. I'm more fascinated with how they get that thing in the air."

So now I've come to the point of my entry tonight. Perspective. We're looking at the same exact thing, but we see two completely different things. Because ManLosch is for all intents and purposes, an architect, he sees things structurally and he sees things that need to have an equation for them to make sense. I see a bunch of random shit in random colors and make up random stories about most of what I see. It's just amazing when you have those moments when you realize just how different you are from others. And all it took was an airplane.

What about you? What do you think about/see when you see a plane taking off?

Flickr Photo Project

One blog that I follow posts photo projects every now and then. This month, she posted a photo project where she gave a list of words or phrases and we were left to our own devices to snap shots of what we thought it represented. This was the first time I participated in a project like this and I enjoyed it alot! Check out my 26 things below, and feel free to always check my photos at Flickr.

Train In Vain

I had a half day at work today. I took the afternoon off and went downtown to get my hair done (look, my hairdresser was all booked up tomorrow doing some whore's weave). I took advantage of this opportunity to go to write at Grub Street, since they aren't open on the weekends. After I got my hair done, I went to Grub Street, did some internetting and some writing, and left about 15 minutes before they closed.

In order to get home, I have to take the train. I got on the train and all of a sudden I heard a boombox and some clapping. There were two black guys getting ready to do some train dancing, which is something I really only ever see when I'm home in NY. One says, "Welcome to the show, 'Dancing on a Moving Train.' Please, if you like what you see let us know. Dig deep, don't be cheap."

First of all, you need to come up with a better title for your "show." You really thought I'd watch you with "Dancing on a Moving Train??" Fuck you buddy.

Second, your sayings weren't that clever. "Dig deep, don't be cheap" and "If you liked the show, let a black man know" did not make me want to give you money. At all. It didn't sound smart, it sounded stupid.

Third, and last, YOU DIDN'T EVEN DANCE! You did a few shuffles in a circle, you moved your beanie hat around, and you then decided to do some FLIPS in the aisle of the train (and train aisles aren't that wide on the MBTA...in fact usually they aren't that wide in America). You shuffled for about 2 minutes TOTAL and hustled some people out of money?? Well, in all honesty, that makes you smart and everyone else stupid, but still. At least produce a quality show next time and I may decide to glance up from my corner priority seat and my book to let a black man know that I appreciate his efforts.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #2

1 week down from Lent. This is probably the first time I've not lashed out on anyone from severe caffeine deficiency. I mean, I drink coffee, but there's nothing like a cold soda straight from the fridge....yea I'm an addict. I have been experiencing a few more headaches lately (which does happen when I go all cold turkey from the cool, crisp taste of a can of Pepsi...drooool).

I haven't written any of my notes yet either. I've been very busy trying to write this contest entry for Grub Street. It's finally done. And even as I sit here, I'm staring at my email, a little afraid to send it. I am a little proud of myself, so I'm hoping this is motivating enough to get writing a whole lot more.

On to Fish Friday's now...