Creepy People Magnet

I think I've figured out my purpose in life. Jesus placed me on this wonderful Earth to be a creepy people magnet.

So I'm waiting for the bus tonight right? I had just come from downtown to get my hair done and get the last birthday gift for ManLosch. I'm reading while I'm waiting and all of a sudden someone starts talking to me. And it's the dude that collects the shopping carts at Shaw's (grocery store up here). I see him usually when I'm walking to and from the car and I'll normally give a smile and a wave. He's a little....slow? I'm not even sure that's the right word to use. So anyway, I'm reading and he notices me and says hi. I smile and say hi and try to go back to reading. He asks me "Are you reading for class?" I said, "No. I just like to read."

Long awkward pause.

He then says, "I don't know how to read." I think, WHAT? Huh? Wtf? Ok. Okay, am I being tested here? He continues to tell me about how he can't read or really write, but he's taking classes for that and his dialect. From here on out, he told me his entire life story. He's from Africa. His mother and his sister are nurses. He also wants to be an actor and takes acting classes.....

As I retold this story to ManLosch, he laughed and said "Wait, he wants to be an actor? How does he read the script?"
Exactly.

Wait, he's also a back-up dancer. He takes dancing classes in Waltham. And he likes being around educated people. And he likes to draw in his spare time, when he's not working at Shaw's or taking his dialect/reading/writing classes. Or when he's getting a haircut for his Open House for his classes tomorrow. He's also writing a book; it's his life story. And he's acting in a movie about Obama right now and when it's done he's going to give me a copy (and no, I have no idea how he's writing a book about his life if he can't read or write.....)

He talked to me for 20 minutes while waiting for the bus and the ENTIRE bus ride home.
SERIOUSLY. I'm a magnet.

Fantastic Four Airlines

::Watching the craptastic Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Junk....Okay just Rise of the Silver Surfer; we're watching the end where they are in their fantastic Fantastic Four-mobile flying through the air, trying to catch VonDoom and then..........::

ManLosch: "Well that beats flying AirTran."

Lovely Day

And by lovely day I meant "Lexi had a shitty day." And by shitty day I mean I wouldn't feel bad if I tripped a baby climbing onto a pony while I punched the pony trying to save a family of 5 from a burning building.

Do you ever wonder how a good day just spirals into a shitty day without warning? Yea me too. Let me know when you find the answer please.

But the thing that actually made my day? HEARING a woman fall in a store. She was trying on fuchsia high heels (yes fuchsia...because they weren't pink OR purple) and all of a sudden, it sounded like the wall shelf came down. I was like "Who dropped the shoessssss ooooooooo. Wait..." Homegirl was face down on the floor!! Everyone ran over to her and said "Oh My God! Are you ok?" And if you've ever seen the video "Scarlet Takes a Tumble," it was ALOT like that. AAAAHAHAHAHA.

That made my day again. :)

Lex, She's Only 7!

This is how I apparently see the world....and this is why I don't let ManLosch go places without me.

• ManLosch: Some little girl was just creeping around me at the bus stop. Then she asked me "Is that a real Coach bag?" But then she just moved away. Then I noticed she's wearing Coach boots, but I'm not sure they're real the way the toes are peeling.
• Me: Awww. Maybe they r real and just worn. Little black girl?
• ManLosch: No, she's not. After I texted you, she did kick the wall, so maybe they are just worn. Now she's asking about my phone. She's sweet and harmless.
• Me: Be careful. How old?? She might be someone distracting u while someone comes to jump u. And I'm being serious.
• ManLosch: Ha. No, she's with her mom and sister...probably six or sevenish...just chatty.
• Me: Is that bitch flirting with you??????
• ManLosch: Ha...no because she was doing the same thing to another woman. Just talking to anyone who'll listen.
• Me: So she's a hopeful kid whose dreams haven't been smashed yet by the world of people who will ignore her as an adult??
• ManLosch: Sure...ha.

February 2, 2010

LOST FINAL SEASON. Next Tuesday.

This is epic (as Kevin on The Office would say). I love the show, but I'm also ready for it to end, unlike most people. I need answers. And I got tired of all these ambiguous loose threads. We're ready for some answers J.J. Abrams.

I don't care if you've never even watched the show. If you don't watch this final season, Smoky will come get you and drag you back to the island.

Up in the Air vs. Up in the Air vs. Up in the Air

Have you seen the movie "Up in the Air" yet? I saw it back in the middle of December.

It was AMAZING. I absolutely loved it. ManLosch and I went with another couple (T& Eddie) when we were in Miami. We walked out and Eddie said, "MAN! That was depressing." I said, "I loved it!" Maybe because I ride the pessimistic wave of life, I tend to relate to things like that. Either way, I loved it. I loved it so much that I had to read the book. "Up in the Air" is based off the book by Walter Kirn with the same title. I bought it 2 days later.

I NEVER say that I like the movie better than the book....but the book SUCKED. Maybe it's because I was expecting something closer to such an awesome movie, but the only things that I felt matched were the characters names and the main characters job. That was about it. The relationship between George Clooney and Vera Farmiga's characters were COMPLETELY different from the movie to the book. I was not feeling the book...which is a big surprise for me.

Now the soundtrack? Tramazing. I love it. As ManLosch would call it, "Hey, I like that hippie crap you listen to."

Why You Should Watch "It's Always Sunny...."

Waldo, you disappoint....

here's to the future... i need to be fearless.

Ariana Muffington

So my amigo J at work likes to call me Arianna Muffington now...because I write...and somehow, we got into a conversation about the fact that Scott Brown has a muff. Don't ask. Just see our online conversation below(some of the conversation was removed as it was not relevant and it was him sending me links for black tacos at Taco Bell).....

J: i may stay late tonight beyootch

this is brittney

Lex: LOL

ok

im here until 7:15, i have yoga

and then im coming in early tonight

J: lol

coming in early tonight?

ya crazy skank

Lex: sorry

tomorrow

shut ur face dirty whore

J: i sent a picture of scott brown from cosmo to beilman

Lex: WHY?

thats mean

J: he has a HUGE bush in the pic

Lex: WHAT????

J: HUGE!

MUFF!

Lex: thats gross

J: lol

i'm going to print it out and put it on your desk

and call you the new blogger "Arianna Muffington"

"the muff post"

Lex: ew

omg

ew

J: lol!

Lex: for someone who likes men, you are obsessed with muff

J: it's a man muff

Lex: what the fuck is a man muff?

J: a man bush

mangina

a "mussy"

Lex: that sounds stank. like basement stank.

J: lol

i sent you the scott brown pic

to your e-mail

Lex: im not opening it now

J: ok

Lex: i'll open it at 5:30

J: that's why i e-mailed it to you

ok enough bush talk

Lex: go do some work

J: peace out Ariana Muffington

Lex: yo mama

Hope For Haiti

I'm watching Hope for Haiti right now. Most memorable things?

Brad Pitt's goat beard, that apparently according to ManLosch used to have a bead in it.
Stevie Wonder saying "A whole lotta littles makes a whole lotta lots." C'mon Stevie.

Now up until Wyclef Jean (who is performing now), this thing has been a DUD. I feel like I've been at a funeral the whole time. Yes, I understand that it's a somber time, but that means it calls for something uplifting! To give me more hope that they're going to find more people alive. Wyclef at least put a little back into it and made me feel the true spirit of Haiti.

Anyway, now onto 20/20, whose biggest stories after Hope for Haiti are teens who work at Starbucks being sexually harrassed at work and Lady Gaga pushing the limits..........WHAT?

Stop It

Dear Yogis and Yogettes,

Please STOP clapping after we finish yoga!!!! Like I'm not even joking. Stop. It's just weird.

Sincerely,
Concerned yogette-in-training
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Grubbin'

Wanna know just how awesome my in-laws are? Let me tell you:
They bought me a membership to Grub Street in Boston!

What is Grub Street you might ask? Ahh, well let me tell you what Grub Street is dear amigos and amigas. It's an organization for writers in Boston. I can sign up for writing classes and get a discount, use their downtown facilities to write and use their free wireless, take out books, get free publications, discounts at indie bookstores, and much more. I'm so excited for this packet to come in the mail with my membership that I keep checking the mailbox for it.

My hope is that this membership will motivate my ass to seriously write this year. I got the perfect jumpstart with my summer writing class, but now I need to get moving with it. You heard it here first kids. Well maybe not first, but you heard it! Can't wait for the mail to come....cmon cmon cmon!!

The Rabbit!

And no, not that kind of rabbit (not the kinky kind).

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

One of the best movies ever. Sorry. And I'm really not kidding. I LOVE this movie. It's on right now on HBO. I remember seeing this movie in the theatre with my dad when it came out, so naturally, this movie holds a little significance for me. I remember getting the talking Roger Rabbit doll from him where you pulled the string and he said "I know it's raining cats and dogs but I just stepped on a pooooooodle."

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."
"Shave and a haircut.......TWOOO BIIIIIIIIIITS!!!!"

Groundbreaking stuff guys. One of the first live action and animation movies. It's like watching an animated film noir comedy. It's got all of the right elements. It's perfect. I'm gushing. I'm sorry. Hard to believe I still don't own it huh? :-)

Annnnnd back to the movie and my dessert.....

We're Getting A....Pony?

ManLosch and I went to Mass this morning (big surprise, right? well I didn't go last week, so HA! take that). While we're kneeling before it started, I look up and see this very large stuffed pony. Like this little girl was allowed to bring a rideable stuffed pony to Mass. So I whispered to ManLosch, "Did you see the pony?" He's like, "Yes. Srsly? Yes." I couldn't help but track the pony throughout Mass, and I noticed at one point it was being passed down the pew, mosh pit style. We're kneeling again and I tap ManLosch and say, "Do you see it? Jikajgrnkjarng, did you see it!?" He laughs. So I say, "I want one." And the following whispered conversation (while the priest is going through all the parts of Mass) ensues:
ManLosch: Okay, I'll buy you one. But a real one.
Me: I don't want a real one. I want a stuffed one.
ManLosch: No, I'm going to get you a real one. A real pony.
Me: What am I supposed to do with a real pony?
ManLosch: Ride it in the streets. Duh.
Me: Where?? We have a car for that.
ManLosch: What do you think people used in colonial America? How did they get around? Right. Pony.
Me: But where do I park it?
ManLosch: In the driveway.
Me: In the driveway? Next to the rest of the cars? So what happens when the pony gets pissed and kicks the cars? What do you tell the other drivers?
ManLosch: You shouldn't have parked your car next to my pony.

We laugh for a little while because I think for a minute, we forgot we were at Mass. We continue:
Me: Well do you get it inspected like a car? Like how do you take it for an emissions test?
ManLosch: Easy. Take it where you normally take cars.
Me: But how do they test the pony?
ManLosch: Amount of manure it produces. Easy. C'mon.
Me: Okay, well how do you register it?
ManLosch: DMV. Put the license plates on the tail.
Me: Okay, so I'm just supposed to ride this pony to and from work? To the store? Everywhere, all year long?
ManLosch: Yup.
Me: What about when it gets cold?
ManLosch: Again, what did they do during colonial times? Layer up.
Me: What happens when I need to park and it's municipal parking? You know, where you put the ticket in the dashboard to show exactly when you parked? What do I do with the pony?
ManLosch: Tape the ticket to the saddle.

So I'm laughing all the way down the aisle to get my Jeezit and ManLosch leans in behind me and makes a horse noise as we pass the stuffed pony. Once Mass is over and we walk out to the packed parking lot, he tells me one last thing:
ManLosch: See? Wouldn't it be nice if you could walk out of Mass and have your pony just waiting for you? Hmm?.

Celebrate Good Posts C'mon!

It's my 200th post bitches!!!! So I was thinking to myself, or more like talking to myself...out loud..."Hmm Lex, you haven't shared with your devoted readers things that make you totally happy lately." And I replied to myself, "HEY you're right! I should totally share that. Totes. Do it."

So after this not-so-involved conversation with myself, I decided to share, after 200 posts, a few things that have made me completely, and utterly happy.

1. McDreamy AND McSteamy in a movie together (which helps to overshadow that the atrociously horrible Taylor Swift is in the movie and it helps overshadow that the movie is about ::gulp:: Valentine's Day....blech)
2. Belmont Public Library: totally yummy and delicious and free.
3. McSteamy in an episode of Private Practice naked. NAKED.
4. American Idol auditions
4. "Lost": because how ELSE will I finally know the whole truth about the truth?
5. Ohlin's Bakery in Belmont: best Cinnamon Maple Buns EVER. EVER.
6. My Snuggies (yes plural).
7. Laughing today at ManLosch telling me how our dog decided to try to eat some other dog poop in the park today.
8. My new Flip videocamera: I post right to YouTube! It's so amazing. Love it.
9. ManLosch's Coach Messengers Bag dance every time he comes home from using it.
10. All the baby fish that are sprouting up in our fish tank(I think we have very horny fish).
11. Yoga with Jill.
12. The excitement I feel when I cook something new.
13. A hopeful trip to Seattle? (but that's a long time away and many things could happen in between)
14. One of my film pictures posted on Flickr actually being used in a map guide for Miami (score).
15. Jersey Shore (I KNOW I KNOW.....I know. I know. BUT CMONNNNNNN).

Ready for the next 200 posts with me?? You know you are.
Smooches.

Where Are You?

Yes, you. The one who may be reading my blog. Where have all my readers gone? Barely any comments lately, I'm not sure where you all are! Come back! I miss you. I love you. Okay not like that. But seriously. Think about it.

Forever yours,
LaLosch

Exactly What I Needed

I got a letter today! From my good friend Zoe. Well it's a Christmas/Birthday card. The biggest thing about the card? She was shocked that she found this card in the kids section of the cards:

Take another look at it. Go on. Get it? AAHAHAHAHA. I love you Zoe.

She also sent me a few different hand drawn cartoons of shit we used to make up back in the day when we had too much time on our hands.

How happy was I tonight? SO SO HAPPY. :-)

And On Another Note....

Why does Jeff Goldblum play the SAME character in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE?!?!

We're watching Jurassic Park right now, because, well, ManLosch wanted to hear the theme music, and the only time he's turned the channel is to see the score of some playoff game. So we're actually watching the movie, and I'm listening to Jeff Goldblum speak. And about half the lines he's said so far, I've actually heard in other movies. "And there it is."
or
"Must go faster."

SIGH.

Achoo!

Kleenex? Check.

Sudafed? Check.

Soup? Check.

Orange juice? Check.

I'm sick, if you haven't gathered, and thus explaining why I haven't felt like touching a computer the last 48 hours. This is what I've done:

Left work Friday feeling like crap. Went home to read, eat soup, watch a movie with ManLosch, and took some Tylenol PM to knock the crap out of me so I'd sleep without coughing.

Saturday? Went to work at 7:30am so I could leave early. Brought soup with me, Sudafed, and a carton of OJ. ManLosch picked me up, brought me to New England Soup Factory (yum, btw) and then came home. Ate "meal" and then proceeded to fall asleep on the couch. Woke up hours later to go take care of the cats at PetSmart. I felt better then too. But we got home, I showered to open up my stuffy nose, had some soup and a half turkey wrap, some Tylenol PM, and was done for.

Today? No church, slept right through it. Woke up feeling like I got hit by a bus and was only wearing a pair of boxers that belong to ManLosch. I'm sure there is a logical explanation to this, but it's the matter of not remembering how it happened (if you ever want to forget anything, take some Tylenol PM!). Ate breakfast, watched a movie, showered, and I've been sitting in the recliner since. I still look like crap, but I'm clean. Watched another movie since. Ready for bed...........hopefully your regularly scheduled Lex will return soon. Until then...must....kill......cold.

Holy Sh*t

Remember how excited I was about the idea of owning a Snuggie?

Then remember how excited I was when I became the owner of 3 Snuggies in one day?

OMG bitches. I need this:

THE SNUGGLE SUIT.

It's a full length jumpsuit Snuggie. Can you effin believe it?! Holy shit! I need that. I so so need

that. Like I needed it yesterday.

I'd even wear my Snuggie on TOP of the Snuggle Suit. I'm fairly certain that it has a hood too. I mean, just think about it, ok? Seriously.

Seriously.