A Day In The Life.....

Went to Mass (yea...thanks Midnight Mass for making it required in like a span of 72 hours). Enjoyed the mild quiet with only 2 screaming children today. Thought about how hungry I was.

Came home and ate some yummy French Toast that my mom made. Wasn't hungry anymore.

Went shopping in Harvard Square. Wasn't going to buy anything. Thought about sales. Ended up buying shit I didn't need. Thanks Gap.

Went to Newbury Comics to look for CD's. Ended up finding a CD that I've been looking for for awhile now. Smiled real hard inside right before I thought about food again.

Ate pizza. Wasn't good.

Went food shopping for dinner. Mother got into a mini fight with a woman at Star Market. Thought it was funny. Reminded her that we live in Massachusetts.

Mother fumed about wretched woman for entire car ride home.

Got home, relaxed, watched tv. Thought that I should read my book a little more.

Read my book a little more. Decided to start cooking dinner (salmon, broccoli, and potatoes).

Cooked dinner. Everyone loved it. ManLosch looked in the fish tank and saw that one of them has gone to the great fish tank in the sky. Witnessed sucker fish "sucking" on the deceased. Let out a girly yelp. Asked ManLosch if he would take the fish out and he replied, "We'll just let nature take its course. May be less for me to clean up."

After cleaning up dinner, tried on jeans that were bought today as an early birthday gift. Spent 5 minutes trying to get them on and realized they wouldn't go over my ass. Cursed self for always assuming I was the smallest size possible.

Used ManLosch to help me get the jeans off a la Danny DeVito's skinny jeans on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Enjoying the rest of the fam tonight. Looking forward to 2010. Almost here.

Goodnight kids. :)

Resolutions 2.0

Dear 2010,

You're almost here. 5 days to be exact. Well less than that. That's neither here nor there. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I hated 2009. And I'm hoping that you, 2010, will bring me better luck. I hope that you will bring me more joy and excitement, less heartache.....than 2009. And because I am putting my hope and maybe a small amount of faith in you, I will be coming up with a few small resolutions. If you would be so kind to review them once you receive them, it would be much appreciated.

Sincerely,
LaLosch

Merry Christmas I Think

Is Christmas supposed to be bigger than this? Next Christmas, I've decided that I'm dragging ManLosch out of the country. It's been an alright day, but dammit.....sigh. 2010 is less than a week away, right?

Until then, enjoy the rest of the day and remember whose birthday it is (no, it's not mine yet). Happy Birthday Jesus!

Last Minute Gifts

Just in case you weren't sure what to buy me as a last minute Christmas gift, I'd really love it if you checked out SkyMall for one of these lovely items:

Telekinetic Obstacle Course

Because why WOULDN'T I want to telekinetically try to move a purple ball through a maze? My mind is THAT amazing.

Brightfeet Lighted Slippers

For all those late drunk nights when you stumble to the bathroom and can't find your way, these slippers will get you through anything. Even a hurricane. Or the apocalypse.


Fairy Garden Door

Because I need to ensure that all my fairy friends know the way to enter my house. All 2,000 different kinds. Because I'm that crazy cat lady who also has fairy friends.

I'm Sorry, BUT...

1) Nothing really tops the fact that I got 3 Snuggies in one day.
2) AirTran sucks even more than ever. ManLosch and I will not be flying that airline again if we can help it.
3) I promise you that I'm not the spokesperson for everyone else's life. Maybe it's because I'm nice, that people talk to me, but I can promise you that I'm not the one to spread their business.
4) I can't help but really want to adopt one of the kitties we take care of at PetSmart.
5) Yes, I have to work Christmas Eve.
6) No I don't want to have my birthday party on New Year's Eve. If my birthday were the 31st and not the 30th, then yes, totally.
7) Covering every inch of your lawn and house with Christmas decorations doesn't make you look like you're in the holiday spirit. It makes you look crazy.

2 days left until Christmas everyone! You know what that means. 3 DAYS LEFT UNTIL KWANZAA!!!!!!! (ahaha)

Lexi Gets a Snuggie....or 2....or 3

OMFG!!!

Today, we had our work Secret Santa, also known as a "Non-Denominational Holiday Gift Exchange." (sigh)

The person who had me got me........A SNUGGIE. OMG. It's awesome. It's the leopard print Snuggie. I modeled it during the exchange. I'm wearing it now as I blog. I reluctantly drew the line when I had to pee and took it off.

So, as I'm holding it, my friend Nora says, "Well maybe Ryan will want one too." I said, "Nah, he hates these things." After we wrap up, she says, "Come to my desk after you're done." After being chatty for another few minutes, I head back downstairs and she says,"Check your chair." So I walk back and there's a gift from her on the chair! I rip it open and NORA GOT ME A SNUGGIE. THE SAME EXACT SNUGGIE. I about went rip shit in the office and ran up and down the hallway, skipping like a 2nd grader. I knew Ryan would laugh and want to cut them both up, so when he picked me up, I showcased one through the door.

When I opened the car door, I said, "OMG, LOOK! And Nora got me a gift too. It's another Snuggie BITCH!" So I get in the car and tell him that Nora attached the gift receipt so I can exchange it for another color (you know, in case someone comes over my apartment and wants to chill with a Snuggie on the couch with me). So he says, "Well do you want to exchange it for a blue one?" I say, "Sure, why?"

He says, "Because I just wrapped a blue Snuggie for you right before I came here."

Readers of the LaLosch Blog......I AM THE OWNER OF 3 SNUGGIES. IN ONE DAY. December 22, 2009 will now be marked as 3 Snuggie Day.

I Got Nothin'

Sorry...

I got in this morning from my hellish flights. I haven't really stopped moving since this morning and I'm finally sitting down to just relax for a second. I'm so tired, that I can't even move my brain to figure out what I should talk about. I have a few things to write about, but my regularly scheduled being should return tomorrow.

By the way, you should go see "Up In The Air" with George Clooney. So good. Loved it. I'm reading the book now to see how it compares.

Ok, goodnight kids. So tired.

Leaving On A Jet Plane...At Some Point

Per usual, ManLosch and I cannot travel together. We theorize that when we travel alone, we have better luck. Then made that even more precise by saying when I travel alone, I'm usually on time and have better luck. So we actually determined that it's him. Here was our original itinerary:

5:40pm: Depart FLL for ATL
7:44pm: Land in ATL for hour layover. Arrange for a quick snack and relax.
8:50pm: Depart ATL for home(barf).
11:15pm: Arrive home.

Here is how reality quickly kicked us in the ass and shoved a pile of shit in our faces:

2:30pm: ManLosch and I try calling AirTran to get on an earlier flight after learning that our 8:50 flight was only delayed 10 minutes and our 5:40 flight was delayed until 6:20. We didn't want to miss the connection for fear of not getting home tonight.
2:45pm: We decide to just drive to the airport just in case, with AirTran still keeping us on hold, because there wasn't much else for us to do here anyway.
3:20pm: Stopped for gas to fill up the rental and as we stopped, we finally got an AirTran representative. After 48 minutes on hold, we got someone and all the flights were sold out anyway.
3:24pm: Me: "So what do you wanna do? We're already close to the airport." ManLosch: "We can just go and chill out."
3:45pm: Arrive at FLL. Return the rental. Both flights delayed, AND NOW even earlier at the airport than we originally planned. No massage places in sight and the "restaurant" is playing the Dolphins game that we couldn't give two shits about.
4:15pm(now): Taking advantage of the free Wi-Fi in the terminal (thanks Santa) and relaxing, happy that we haven't been stranded in an airport yet.


See you kids on the flipside of tomorrow.

Lincoln Road Is For People Watching

Because I've had a very relaxing weekend in Miami so far, I don't have a ton of things to talk about! But I did have lunch this afternoon on Lincoln Road on South Beach (early birthday gift from a friend) and we did alot of people watching. You don't realize how AWESOME that place is to talk about people. If I had a journal and all day to put a chair there and just sit, I totally would do it. We would start discussing how douchey it is for men to wear popped collars and then all of a sudden a swarm of men would walk by with popped collars. I even said "Sorry Fernando, I didn't mean to leave my Juicy sweatpants at home" because an entire family of women walked by in them. It's incredibly wonderful.

The weather is beautiful, a little chilly right now, but there's no reason I need to be sitting here blogging anymore, because I really need to be outside en mi segundo ciudad natal. :)

Tackiest Christmas Gifts

C'mon. Everyone, at some point, has received a horribly tacky Christmas gift (holiday gift, whatever). Something that makes you say "What the.....??" or "Who ARE you?" ManLosch was in middle school when he got a tacky Christmas sweater with a deer on it (he still owns it, don't let him fool you). One year, he also got a Halloween decoration. For Christmas. Tacky much?

Here are some of the tackiest Christmas gifts I think can be given:

A box of cake mix and a packet of gravy
A cat you found on the street prior to going over that person's house
A clearly worn shirt that you own, that the person has already seen you wear multiple times
A pool noodle
A pair of shoelaces and a bottle of shoe polish
Mrs. Fields cookies in a plaid bag that came from the supermarket 2 weeks after Christmas
Lingerie from your AuntCousin that is 3 sizes too big
A giftcard to PetSmart when you don't have any pets
A giftcard to Abercrombie when you aren't white
A membership to the "Cheese of the Month" club when you are lactose intolerant
A gift basket of lambskin prophylactics (and some of the boxes are missing a few)

Now if you want to know what I think are GREAT gifts.....just call me. There's a few days left until Christmas if you want to buy me something....I mean..ahem. Ya know.

I'm In Miami Trick

ManLosch and I got into our hotel last night after 12am (so I guess it was this morning) to only then wake up at a horrific 7am. His cousin Aly graduated from UM today, so of course being the dedicated UM alums, we came down to be here. But it was worth it. Because guess who the Commencement speaker was?

The Rock. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. That's right you whores I said THE ROCK. And he was awesome and hot. He IS a former graduate of The U. After the actual graduation and seeing some old friends, we had lunch at The Biltmore Hotel. Lovely hotel/golf course/I will never be able to afford this on my own place/restaurant. We ate there for a celebration lunch, and then came back to our hotel to change, as ManLosch got soaked in the rain from going to get the car for me. Did some shopping for Aly's gift and then went to her house to help her pack. Ordered pizzas, drank some beer, watched a movie, and dropped the Losch's off at their hotel for the night.

It's 11:38pm. I'm so effin tired. So it's time to get some rest. We're staying close to Miami International Airport, so we can fall asleep to the sound of jet engines. And dreaming about The Rock. The freakin Rock.

See ya soon kids(hopefully)

I'm at the airport, waiting to board. I don't want to miss the opportunity to blog, since we get into Miami late, so I'm quickly letting you guys off the hook of reading anything of mine tonight. I know it's not interesting ANYWAY but ya know.

So hey, one of the TSA officials was on her cell phone while checking boarding passes and ID's. One guy was coloring instead of looking at the xray machine. Oh Airtran. You never cease to amaze me.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Moving My Lips, Forming A Smile

These things made me smile in the last 24 hours:

1) Vicky Cristina Barcelona
2) Being a rockstar at work
3) Portia di Rossi in "Better Off Ted"
4) Buying "The Hangover" which will allow me to remember such great quotes as:
"Not at the table Carlos."
"They should call them floories...or rapies."
"Is that a man purse??....IT'S A SATCHEL!"
"Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?"

5)Knowing that I'll be on a plane to Miami in less than 24 hours.
6) My co-worker Jared cursing the world because he lost another hubcap on his new Jetta. AAHAHA. Ok, sorry J.
7) The maple cinnamon bun I bought from Ohlin's Bakery this morning.

Hey kids, I'll be traveling the next few days, but will be blogging from my phone or when I have a second at the hotel. Don't forget about me, k?

Smooches and Toblerone kisses,
LaLosch

Lovin' It

Because it's the holiday season, I'm about to share with you a few things that I'm currently jonesin' on. You don't have to check them out or even care, but I've fallen in love with:

1) Temple Bar in Cambridge
I went there for brunch yesterday with ManLosch, DiDi and Paul. OMG SOOO GOOD! The homefries were amazing and the bacon was just perfect. Wanna go? Let me know, I'll sooo go back soon.

2) www.freekibble.com
You visit this site daily and answer a trivia question. You don't have to answer it right, but everytime you answer a trivia question 10 pieces of kibble are donated to local animal shelters!

3) The Vitamin String Quartet
Awesome group of strings that remakes modern songs like "Seven Nation Army," "Flashing Lights," and "Love Lockdown." Awesome stuff.

4) Beatbox Harmonica
This is an amazing song that's maybe not even quite 3 minutes, but it's exactly what the title of the song dictates. And it makes me want to shake it all over the place.

5) Soul Pancake
I'm diggin this site. Srsly. Check it out yourself or when amongst friends and wait for the conversation to fly.

Productive LaLosch

9am (maybe a little late) breakfast with Nora?
Check. And my chocolate croissant and part of her maple frosted bun? AND eating both with mocha flavored coffee at her apartment? AMAZING.

10am Mass?
Besides the old man who gave me my Jeezit and I noticed he had dirt caked under his fingernails? Besides the screaming orchestra of rugrats? Besides the baptism we weren't prepared for so Mass took a little longer? Eh. It was alright. I sucked it up.

11:30am Crockery?
Check. Placed my pork roast in the crockpot to make pulled pork later.

12:00pm Brunch at Temple Bar with DiDi and Paul?
Check. OMG SOOOO good. And the conversation wasn't too bad either DiDi. :)

2:45pm Outlet Shopping?
Check. Bought the ManLosch his Christmas gift. Got my cousin a gift. Got the ParentalLosch gifts. Got myself a cute little shirt.

4:30pm Best Buy?
Check. Got my mom an AWESOME gift.

6pm Home?
Damn homie. Pulled the pork which fell apart very tenderly. Started some black bean soup for a side dish and for lunch this week. ManLosch vaccuumed and went to the store. He also ordered some gifts online and I painted my toes. All before 8pm. Damn we're good.

10pm?
Shit. Watching tv. Relaxing. Wondering why Oprah just got kissed by the President and I'm stuck at home in my sweatpants, looking terrible. Ready to snooze. Productive Losch. Yes. Amen.

Night.........

Volunteering is Ridic Awesome!

ManLosch and I volunteered with the kitties again tonight. If we for sure knew that Jordan would get along with the cats, we might adopt one. So we're volunteering every other weekend now, and we may do more during the week if we can. They are soo adorable. What WASN'T adorable was when we let one out on his own and he knocked over his entire food bowl. Or the cat who hissed and tried to attack BOTH ManLosch and I. Otherwise.....they are awesome. :)

LoschDog: IQ 200

The LoschDog, also sometimes referred to by his common name Jordan, has been wearing the e-collar again. He's been licking his paws again due to what our lovely vets call "seasonal allergies." So he's wearing it to keep him from further irritating his paws. We've probably spent over $1000 at the vet for them to send us home with the same shit that doesn't work.

Well, Jordan has outsmarted us all. He has found a way to lick his paws WITH the e-collar on. I didn't think it was possible, but he figured it out last night. So this morning he was going to town on his back paws and ManLosch says to me over the phone, "Um I had to put the booties on him."

When I got home, apparently, the booties had long come off because he pulled them off. So I caught him licking his paws again when I got home and I said, "Okay, booties are going back on." See the above picture of the back paws outfitted with booties.

I have video of him walking with them on because he looks like a horse and you should watch it below....hilarious to me. Either way, I'm floored that he can still lick his paws even with the e-collar on. That $25 collar ain't doin shit.

So My Wife Thinks She Can Dance

I watched Tuesday night's "So You Think You Can Dance." There's the part right after the dancer does his/her solo where they give you the phone number to vote for your favorite dancer.
So on this season, a married couple has made it to the Top 8. They've never danced together, but they are ballroom dancers. The wife, Ashleigh, had a slipped shoulder or something. It fell out during rehearsal for a Bollywood routine. So she couldn't perform, BUT they are letting America vote for her anyway. The husband, Ryan, just did his solo, right? He was dancer # 8. And the host always lets the dancer say their number. She she says, "To vote for Ryan, call 1-866-Tempo-0_"

He says, "1. Please, don' t forget Ashleigh, she worked so hard....please vote for her, she really deserves your votes. I love you baby."

WHAT?! DUDE! This is a competition. Your number was 8. Tempo08, not 1. You're still competing against her, and you tell America to vote for her, AND YOU CRIED WHILE YOU SAID IT!!!

Totally ridic. Sorry man. You're stupid. Your wife's arm is in a cast. Take advantage of it!!! Ridic.

In Case of an Emergency

In case of an emergency crash landing on the ground or in water where the plane will most likely immediately break into millions of pieces or submerge itself in water, please remember, NO SMOKING AT ALL TIMES.

In the event of such crash, remember:
Cross your arms on the seat in front of you if you are a minority.
If no one is sitting next to you, wrap your arms around your legs in such yoga position and stare at your awesome shoes that you got on sale at DSW.
If traveling with a small child, remember to yoke the kid up by his neck and force it down. Pressing down onto the back of the child's head will ensure definite survival while you burn.
If you are expecting and traveling, well uh....grabbing the back of the seat isn't going to really help you. But no effort is gone unnoticed. At least you were not caught smoking and you earned some double miles today.

Thanks for flying with us, but you really shouldn't have choosen us today. Sorry about that. The drink service will begin when the cans and bottles are flying down the aisles uncontrallably.





(P.S. Thanks to everyone who commented on the "Damn You Karma" blog. I used www.random.org again. Congrats to Stefanie! You'll be receiving a $15 gift card from Target shortly.)

Airtran Sucks

First, we decided we don't like this kid. He's been all up in my shit aka my business, everytime I say something.

Second, the flight attendant yelled at me for placing my jacket in the overhead because bags weren't in there first. I said, "but there's nothing in there." He said, "Ma'am. Ma'am. Just take it out." I've already made it loudly known that I was not happy. My co-worker said, "can I put my jacket up?" I said, "Does it have wheels?" He said, "No." So I said, "then no."

WTF?! This is some recockulous shit.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed