LoschDog: IQ 200

The LoschDog, also sometimes referred to by his common name Jordan, has been wearing the e-collar again. He's been licking his paws again due to what our lovely vets call "seasonal allergies." So he's wearing it to keep him from further irritating his paws. We've probably spent over $1000 at the vet for them to send us home with the same shit that doesn't work.

Well, Jordan has outsmarted us all. He has found a way to lick his paws WITH the e-collar on. I didn't think it was possible, but he figured it out last night. So this morning he was going to town on his back paws and ManLosch says to me over the phone, "Um I had to put the booties on him."

When I got home, apparently, the booties had long come off because he pulled them off. So I caught him licking his paws again when I got home and I said, "Okay, booties are going back on." See the above picture of the back paws outfitted with booties.

I have video of him walking with them on because he looks like a horse and you should watch it below....hilarious to me. Either way, I'm floored that he can still lick his paws even with the e-collar on. That $25 collar ain't doin shit.

So My Wife Thinks She Can Dance

I watched Tuesday night's "So You Think You Can Dance." There's the part right after the dancer does his/her solo where they give you the phone number to vote for your favorite dancer.
So on this season, a married couple has made it to the Top 8. They've never danced together, but they are ballroom dancers. The wife, Ashleigh, had a slipped shoulder or something. It fell out during rehearsal for a Bollywood routine. So she couldn't perform, BUT they are letting America vote for her anyway. The husband, Ryan, just did his solo, right? He was dancer # 8. And the host always lets the dancer say their number. She she says, "To vote for Ryan, call 1-866-Tempo-0_"

He says, "1. Please, don' t forget Ashleigh, she worked so hard....please vote for her, she really deserves your votes. I love you baby."

WHAT?! DUDE! This is a competition. Your number was 8. Tempo08, not 1. You're still competing against her, and you tell America to vote for her, AND YOU CRIED WHILE YOU SAID IT!!!

Totally ridic. Sorry man. You're stupid. Your wife's arm is in a cast. Take advantage of it!!! Ridic.

In Case of an Emergency

In case of an emergency crash landing on the ground or in water where the plane will most likely immediately break into millions of pieces or submerge itself in water, please remember, NO SMOKING AT ALL TIMES.

In the event of such crash, remember:
Cross your arms on the seat in front of you if you are a minority.
If no one is sitting next to you, wrap your arms around your legs in such yoga position and stare at your awesome shoes that you got on sale at DSW.
If traveling with a small child, remember to yoke the kid up by his neck and force it down. Pressing down onto the back of the child's head will ensure definite survival while you burn.
If you are expecting and traveling, well uh....grabbing the back of the seat isn't going to really help you. But no effort is gone unnoticed. At least you were not caught smoking and you earned some double miles today.

Thanks for flying with us, but you really shouldn't have choosen us today. Sorry about that. The drink service will begin when the cans and bottles are flying down the aisles uncontrallably.





(P.S. Thanks to everyone who commented on the "Damn You Karma" blog. I used www.random.org again. Congrats to Stefanie! You'll be receiving a $15 gift card from Target shortly.)

Airtran Sucks

First, we decided we don't like this kid. He's been all up in my shit aka my business, everytime I say something.

Second, the flight attendant yelled at me for placing my jacket in the overhead because bags weren't in there first. I said, "but there's nothing in there." He said, "Ma'am. Ma'am. Just take it out." I've already made it loudly known that I was not happy. My co-worker said, "can I put my jacket up?" I said, "Does it have wheels?" He said, "No." So I said, "then no."

WTF?! This is some recockulous shit.
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Stuff Lexi Likes #5

More stuff I like....because I'm awesome....and a little bit of the Caucasian persuasion.......

#122 Acoustic Covers
I love all music, so of course I'm going to love acoustic versions of songs. The book states that the crown jewel of a mix, is always an acoustic cover of a pop or hip-hop song. And when it's The Lost Fingers singing "Billie Jean?" Even better.

#123 Dave Chappelle
Anyone that can disappear to find himself and then return like nothing happened and still make money? I'm on board.

#125 Nintendo Wii
Get the f*ck outta here, I OWN a Wii. And I hope to own Wii Fit so I can hula hoop myself into another dimension. I frickin love my Wii and will offer it at any social function. I can't get myself coordinated enough for the PS2 or the PS3 we own, but you can give me a Wii remote anyday. Srsly. Anything Nintendo really. Lovin it. Now get out of my face. My Mii could beat up your Mii anyday.

#127 The Simpsons
Now remember, this is only stuff I like. I used to love the Simpsons, but they've fallen off a little bit. But I still appreciate their poke at pop culture and politics.

#132 Not Having Cash
It's not that I don't have it. It's that I just don't keep cash in my wallet. It's so strange. Part of it could be because my bank doesn't even exist in Massachusetts. And the book is right. There really is no time to find an ATM that won't charge me here. I always have to do cash back. Eh. I'd rather just use my card.

#137 Eating Outside
I love eating outside especially when the weather is nice here (which is like all of 3 days in Massachusetts). When I lived in Miami, I ate outside all the time, it was AWESOME. However, the book states "Picnics and cookouts have been a staple of white culture for years." Ummm HELLLOO??? Have you MET black people????

#138 Books
If you know me? This needs no explanation.

So there are a few more in the book that I will expand on, so I'll save the rest for one last blog! Don't forget the giveaway blog. It ends tomorrow evening and I'll pick the winner tomorrow evening or Wednesday morning.

Stay tuned homies and homettes!!!!!

Christmas Music Errrrwhere

ManLosch and I went to a Christmas concert at Harvard last night. It was free and he loves anything Christmas related, so we went. The group was called Kuumba. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but this is what I experienced:
Church
A Charity Event
A Black Spiritual
A Christmas Concert

At some points, I got a little confused, but otherwise, it was pretty decent. The group was also fairly diverse; not just black folk. An Asian. Some white people. Ya know. It was a pretty decent mix. And the audience? Well we just looked like one big UNICEF holiday card. My only complaint? During the "spiritual" songs, you can't really understand any other words besides "Jesus" and "Amen."

There was this dude though. We named him Jesse. I dunno, he looked like a Jesse. And he was the perfect example of white people with no rhythm. Again, I'm not racist. I can't be. The hubs is my piece of white chocolate. But let's get something straight. There is a large population of people of the Caucasian persuasion that have NO rhythm. Or that struggle with it. Those with a musical background have a better chance at it and usually succeed enough to get by (i.e. ManLosch.....he can stand his own and is no longer afraid to bust a freakin move with me). But those that clap on the "1" and the "3?" Those are the ones that are struggling. If you don't know what I'm talking about......well. I'll explain in more detail later if you need me to.

ManLosch and I have an ode to all those white men in the club who try to dance with women and can't dance for the life of them. We dance to the song "Don't Call Me Baby" by Madison Avenue and the dance is called "Whitey In The Club." It's fairly funny. And yes. We're fairly dorks. But this is something that Jesse will struggle with when he's older if he doesn't get a lesson or two right now. And I mean RIGHT NOW.

Otherwise, you will all be forced to watch people who try to dance by shrugging their shoulders all lopsided and clapping off beat. And when it's done to Christmas music? Santa and his posse would NOT approve.

College Football....Please Don't Go

ManLosch and I are watching the last of the college football games right now. We're flipping channels. We missed most of the games, as we were out at a "Christmas Concert" (which I will save and blog about tomorrow). I asked, "What's Landry Jones up to?"

Here's the thing: I have a thing for Landry Jones. And it's not like a good thing. It's that I'm obssessed with his moustache. The stache. So I call it the "LJ."

I also have a thing for Sam Bradford. But it's like a real thing. Like an adult crush. ManLosch is aware of MY awareness of the Bradford hotness. He's ok with it. We don't know what's happening with Sammy though either. Hmm.

So anyway, we're sitting here and there was some dude named "Fozzy Whitaker." And I said to ManLosch, "I think people name their kids in hopes that their name alone will cause them to be an athlete or do something big." The conversation that ensued? Names that we would have if we were football players.

Zip McDaniels
Seattle Washington
Danger Franklin
Storm Losch
Chicago Brown
Skip "The Truck" Jones
Arrow Playne
Risquee Johnson
Color Black

I love football. Lots of creative names. Lots of tight pants. And the season is coming to a close. I'll miss you football. Until we meet again next season....oh, and after all the bowl games....yea.

(Don't forget to comment on my 11/28/09 blog for a chance to win a $15 giftcard!)

Don't Let Me Near A Computer

Srsly......ManLosch is letting me blog AFTER a company holiday party. I had a little much to drink.

But I had fun. And I think I have some pictures. But he was in charge of me for the night. So he took all the pictures. So stay tuned to your regularly scheduled Lex. Because she'll be sober tomorrow......maybe.

For now....let me fall asleep with my makeup on and catch you on the flipside of tomorrow....


hooooollllllllleeeerrrrrrrrrrr

LoschDog Vs. The Vet

The LoschDog is not doing so great. He's back at the vet. Well he went today. He still has "seasonal allergies." So they did a skin scrape to test for something or another, he took a doggie dump in the lobby of the vet, and in the end:

He's on two different types of medication that total about $190.
He's wearing the e-collar again for a few weeks.
He's eating prescription food to help rule out any food allergies. The bag is 8lbs and costs the same as the normal 40 lb bag of Science Diet.
He needs his paws wiped with a special wipe.


Annnnnnnnnd he won't take the pills and he's extremely uncomfortable. And if all this shit today doesn't cure him, we have to take him to a doggy dermatologist. Yes. You heard me. A flippin' dog dermatologist.

Sigh. Every holiday Jordan....every freakin holiday.

The SQUEAKQUEL?!

Um..........

Yeaaaaaaa..................

Okay, first, Alvin & The Chipmunks are annoying. Srsly. They were annoying even when we were kids and watched the cartoon. Then they got a movie. Okay, whatever. I was able to look past that.

Now, there is a sequel. And they are calling it a "squeakquel." And I want to throw up and kinda punch one of them. Because now, the girl chipmunks (chippettes? chippies? chiplanas?) are singing "Single Ladies." And I'm having a hard time processing this. It makes my ears bleed when I hear it and it makes me keel over in abdominal pain.

WHO thought of this? Whoever did, hear this: when you go to sleep at night, when you're in the bathroom, when you're engaged in sexual relations with your lady(or man)...I hope you hear them. I hope you see them everwhere, singing, dancing, and thrusting little animated chipmunk hips.

I hate you.

Parking Wars

I am participating in NaBloPoMo for December! I'm just waiting for the new badges to come up so I can replace the one for November.

So I was at the store tonight, buying things for dinner and other random items that looked like they wanted to be bought. I'm at the check-out line and who do I see? Our neighbors. Like our upstairs neighbors.

ManLosch and I do NOT like our neighbors.

I looked up and the wife looked up and saw me, so in that random awkward moment we kinda smiled. I was nice; I waved and said "Hi." Do you know what that ho did? She smiled through gritted teeth and her husband barely acknowledged me. I quickly grabbed a magazine to hide my building "smack-a-bitch" feelings and pretended to read "People" (in which I then decided to BUY "People"). She kept checking on me to see how fast my line was moving and I almost threw my can of chicken broth over to her line to hit her in the head. But then I started checking on HER line. Here's why:

Our neighbors are extremely inconsiderate. They run the dry cleaners below us. They are Asian (just a fact! take that as you will....if you know me, then well.......yea. you know it's not racist....but well.....yea). We share the driveway and people will constantly park there to pick up their stupid dry cleaning and block us in, even with the "NO PARKING, PRIVATE DRIVEWAY" sign. Our neighbors smile and nod and pretend not to understand "This is fucking ridic, make them move their cars now!" They also park 3 cars and a van there, barely leaving us any space to park the car. ManLosch is 'bout ready to go all Jazmine Sullivan on our neighbors.

So back to the store. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible so I could secure our space in the driveway before THEY parked. They checked out before me. DAMN! So I check out too and practically run to my car. I throw the bags in the car, look around for them and see that they are still loading the car. I start the car and you would have thought I was a NASCAR driver in that parking lot. But, I ended up one car in front of them and secured my space in the driveway.

Booyah. Suck on that 'natches.

I Did It!

I posted once a day for the entire month of November!!!

And it kinda feels good.

But the overwhelming feeling of "blah" has taken over. I had a horrible day at work and it didn't really get much better. I feel like poop. Which is overshadowing my slight feeling of accomplishment. I do have a ton of books to get through though and that helps to keep the blahs at bay a little.

What I'm reading?

I'm also diggin some new music:

And for once I DON'T really have that much to talk about (scary huh?).
Catch me tomorrow, when I'm hopefully in a better mood. And I'll be participating in NaBloPoMo for December too. Maybe just not officially. I haven't decided yet. Either way, keep on keepin' on with my blog and don't forget about the new giveaway!

Chrismahanukwanzakah Is Upon Us

Ahh the holiday season. Where have you been all my life? I love you so, please don't go. The screaming kids, the angry parents. It's like blog-material heaven!!!!

ManLosch and I were on our way to Mass this morning and I put some Christmas music on in the car. Well it was one of the stations that plays nonstop Christmas music until the new year, and I know how much he likes it, so I put it on that station. The song that came on was "Feliz Navidad." And the part that everyone usually joins in? "I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRRRY CHRISTMAS." And I thought, "Well nowadays, you can't really wish ANYONE a Merry Christmas." These days, it's inappropriate to wish someone a Merry Christmas, because God forbid they don't celebrate Christmas. They may be Jewish, they may be atheist, who knows? So, to be politcally correct, we say...we print on cards....we greet people with "Happy Holidays."

Look, I'm sorry. But I celebrate Christmas. And I think it's alright to say "Merry Christmas" and print that on your cards. If you're speaking to someone that you KNOW is Jewish or doesn't observe, then I mean, yea don't be a jackass. But about 75% of Americans still call themselves Christian and in 2008, about 93% of Americans said they celebrate Christmas! Because if you WANT to get all high and mighty about this, then I'll say "Um, why didn't anyone wish me a 'Happy Kwanzaa'??" ManLosch and I were having a conversation about this and he said "I'm not going to be offended if someone comes up to me and says 'Happy Hanukkah.' It's just another celebration, it's not offensive." I mean, again, I'm not going to go to Long Island and say "Merry Christmas Hebrews and Shebrews!!"

But the point is, IT'S OK PEOPLE. You can say whatever makes you comfortable and if someone is offended, they'll tell you, you retract your statement, wish them a Happy (insert holiday here) and everyone continues with their shopping and crying. The whole point of the season is about giving; giving to those less fortunate, giving to your friends and family in whatever way you can. So even if you wish me a Happy Hanukkah, it won't matter. I'll say thank you and STILL celebrate on the 25th. Lighten up America. It's about the season....not just the day.

And while we're on it....I'm banning ALL Christmas sweaters.

LoschDog May Get Jealous

So the LoschDog maaayyy get jealous. ManLosch and I filled out applications to volunteer with kitties at PetSmart. It's a cat rescue and we filled out the applications to be Cat Caregivers, also known as the kitties bitches. We clean out their cages, feed them, change their bedding and litter, and play with them. Even though we only trained tonight, I've already fallen in love with some of them, especially the kittens. They were SOOOO cute.

But before you jump to conclusions, hear this: CATS ARE VERY HIGH MAINTENANCE. Holy crap. I thought ManLosch walkin the pup was enough, but cats are...eh. Cute, but they need a lot, especially shelter cats. I liked it though and can't wait until we're on our regular schedule. :-)
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Damn You Karma

ManLosch and I went to the mall today. Even AFTER I said "We aren't going to participate in Black Friday," we participated in Black Friday. It wasn't that bad though; we went a little later and went to Rhode Island to shop. :)

So anywho, we're in a shop and I'm about to purchase an item, and ManLosch looks down and says, "Hey someone dropped a dollar." We were like "Hmm ok." Then we were like "Well it's a dollar, we'll just pick it up." Holy crap, it was 1 dollar PLUS 99 dollars. Someone dropped a $100 bill in the store. We practically shat our pants. So I said, "So do we give it to someone?" He said, "Well it's cash. If we give it to the front to ask the store, EVERYONE will run for it." So we lingered in the store for an extra 15 minutes looking for anyone who looked like they lost something. No one. Nothin'. So I checked out and the woman asked "Do you want to donate money to St. Jude's Childrens Hospital? I didn't hear her and ManLosch said," YES. YES YOU DO. JUST DO IT."

So we walked out and I thought, "Well what do we do?" I called my mom and asked her. We weighed every possible option. Cash...in a mall....during the holidays. Really? So we went to the police and asked them and they said, "HA! Merry Christmas...take your lady out for a nice dinner. It's cash. There's not a whole lot you can do about it. But you also don't find alot of people who would have said something or thought about it either."

Soooo in the end...we're $100 richer. But I still feel like I didn't balance out the universe correctly, ya know? It wasn't mine to begin with, but maybe we were meant to find it. I was also told it was a trap. So who really knows? What I DO know, is that we aren't spending the money on ourselves. We found it, but that doesn't mean we should necessarily keep it.

So welcome to my 2nd giveaway of the month. Just comment on this blog about what you'd do with $100 for the holidays and you'll be placed into a random drawing for a $15 Target giftcard. The rules? You have to be a follower, there needs to be 10 or more comments, and the last day to comment will be December 8th (I'm giving a little extra time because of the holidays and the lack of keeping up with posts).

Hopefully karma won't kick my black ass for this. :)

Let Us Give Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving! It's been a nice day so far, taking it slow. Cooking and watching tv. I have my in-laws here and my friend Joey (say hi Joey). We're also about to play Wii. So this morning, as ManLosch and I were waking up, I started thinking about all the things I was grateful for. I started thinking that because I was extremely grateful to have slept in this morning and not have my phone ring or have to be at my desk at work. So I thought, "Why not share with everyone what I'm grateful for?" These are the things that I'm grateful for:

My husband
My family
My dog
My amazing friends
H&M
Soul Food
People who hate minivans
Cream cheese frostings
Barnes & Noble
Coupons from Nine West that appear in my email
iPods
Public Transportation (sometimes)
Madame CJ Walker
Deep fryers
Newbury Comics

I'm grateful for lots of other things too, but what are YOU grateful for? (besides having the opportunity every day to wake up and read my blog :-) )

Happy Thanksgiving!

Holidaaaaaaaaaaay

It's here. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Or as I like to call it, "FriWednesday." You can feel the buzz of excitement at work, hoping to get let out early. The frustration or elation of packing up your car to go visit family. And Black Friday (which I never dare bother with).

I love Thanksgiving; I go all out with the cooking. But the Friday after is sometimes the best because that's when ManLosch and I pull out the Christmas decorations, put on some music, and start decorating the apartment. One year, I would like our apartment to look like something the Griswold's would have put up ("Why is the carpet wet TODD??? I don't know MARGO!!") but until we have enough space for that to happen, we'll settle for the smaller decorations placed around the entire apartment.

I've got alot of reading, writing, and sleeping on my agenda this weekend. Feel free to stop by and lounge around with me. Watch a movie. If you're driving, be safe; no texting and driving and use a handsfree device if you have to talk kids. I don't need to get a call in the middle of my night that some deer jumped out in front of your car and kidnapped your boyfriend or girlfriend because you were too busy texting your friends. Bring me some pie back or something too. And a Snuggie.

Did You Forget To Share The Road??

Don't you remember me asking people to "Share The Damn Road?" I asked you, yes you, the bicyclist to share the road with me while I drive.

But I must extend this to a few other people as well. Are you listening? Because this is important. Minivans, I am asking you to SHARE THE ROAD. This morning, as I was driving down School Street:
(See the smile on my face?)
And I was slowing down because I was driving down a hill and coming towards a red light. A minivan was at a side street waiting to turn right onto the street:

Instead of waiting for me to safely brake behind the next car, the minivan decided to peel around the corner causing me to jam on my brakes and yell a long string of profanities:



This is why no one likes you minivan. I'd also like to throw in Subaru's and Volvo's when there are kids on board. Just because you are transporting children, does NOT give you the right to turn at your leisure, choose your own speed limit, and drive in between two lanes. Normally though, on a daily basis, I hate minivans. ManLosch has a stronger hatred of minivans, whereas before I could tolerate them, but today, minivan douche, you have been placed on my shitelist.

Also, bicyclist on my blindspot on the left side of my car, I CANNOT SEE YOU. Don't ride that close to my car. I drive a truck (well, an SUV/truck..a hybrid if you may) and I have no problem pummeling your ass, which is exactly what could have happened if I didn't do a double take while turning left from my lane.

One more time everyone and let's say it together: SHARE THE M&*$%^$%ING ROAD!!!!!

Why I Like Work

Okay, so sometimes I have these moments at work with my friend J (Punch-A-Pony) that make me laugh inside and sometimes laugh outside. He sends me this link online today:
http://shine.yahoo.com/event/thanksgiving/5-no-cook-thanksgiving-appetizers-546459/

And the following quick conversation ensues:

J: make me the turkey!
L: what? no.
J: YES!

woman...get in the kitchen and make me some pie!

L: you nerd

J: respect my authority

L: respect my fat ass.

J: exactly

These are sometimes, the bright spots of my days. Thanks J. :)

So 10 people commented on my blog and I used www.random.org to generate a random drawing for everyone. Each person that commented was assigned a number based on when they commented on the post. I used those 1-10 numbers and the magic number is 8! So congrats JK! You'll be receiving your $10 iTunes gift card very shortly.

I'll be doing one more random drawing before the end of the month is over since this one actually worked. Keep an eye out for the next giveaway!

It's The Most Expensive Time Of The Year

I've been doing alot of thinking lately about what to get people for Christmas. Usually, I don't start to recognize Christmas until AFTER Thanksgiving, but thanks to the holiday overload America puts us on (Christmas music on the radio right after Halloween, lights up, decorations already lit and prominent, Christmas trees available weeks ago), you kinda don't have a choice BUT to start thinking about it. Which also led me to think, "Damn Gina, I ain't got NO money!!"

So what kind of gifts do you buy for people when you're strapped for cash yourself? I thought, "Everyone will think I'm lame." But I took a moment to realize that I shouldn't be scoffed at for trying to save my own money or spending that money on something that will benefit ManLosch and I in the long run. I work hard for my paycheck and I'll be damned if I spend all of it on frivolous gifts this year. So I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be creative with gifts this year. No, there will be no nasty fruitcakes and shit. But I hope to bring smiles to faces, per usual.

Know what else sucks? My birthday is 5 days after Christmas. So here are the excuses I get:
"Hey Lex, Christmas was 5 days ago, so here is your birthday AND Christmas gift!"
"Eh, I'm tired from the family gatherings and I'm going out tomorrow for New Year's Eve, so I'm going to opt out of going out with you tonight."

So guess what? Remember that gift I gave you on your birthday or on Christmas? Count that as both. I'm a recessionista, what can I say?

I can't wait for the holidays!