Plain Perspective

Today, I dragged ManLosch to the ICA today (Institute of Contemporary Art) in downtown Boston. I heart this place.

So anyway, the exhibits are pretty much mostly on the 4th floor, where you see those lights in the window in the picture above. And if you stand there and look out the window, you can see Charlestown and Logan Int'l Airport. Why is this important? Well because I'll admit now: While I have a ton of mixed emotions about flying, I LOVE watching planes take off and land. Maybe it's the rhythmic orchestration of it all. Maybe I see it as an art form itself.

I like to play this game too when I watch planes take off. I like to guess what a random person in a random seat is doing while taking off, or while in the air. So as I was leaving one exhibit, I stopped to watch a plane take off. ManLosch asked me why I was stopping and I pointed. So I said, "17C...the women is dying for a cigarette and since she's an addict, she's chewing Nicorette and nervously picking at her cuticles. The man next to her is reading a newspaper and wondering why she's picking her cuticles but won't ask her. Your turn." He says, "All of that, but there's a baby in the back of the plane crying. Because there's always a crying baby on a plane." I said, "That's not very imaginative. C'mon be original. You aren't fascinated that when you look out and see a plane taking off, it looks smaller than what it is, but it's got 150-200 people on it all doing different things?" He says, "Not really. I'm more fascinated with how they get that thing in the air."

So now I've come to the point of my entry tonight. Perspective. We're looking at the same exact thing, but we see two completely different things. Because ManLosch is for all intents and purposes, an architect, he sees things structurally and he sees things that need to have an equation for them to make sense. I see a bunch of random shit in random colors and make up random stories about most of what I see. It's just amazing when you have those moments when you realize just how different you are from others. And all it took was an airplane.

What about you? What do you think about/see when you see a plane taking off?

Flickr Photo Project

One blog that I follow posts photo projects every now and then. This month, she posted a photo project where she gave a list of words or phrases and we were left to our own devices to snap shots of what we thought it represented. This was the first time I participated in a project like this and I enjoyed it alot! Check out my 26 things below, and feel free to always check my photos at Flickr.

Train In Vain

I had a half day at work today. I took the afternoon off and went downtown to get my hair done (look, my hairdresser was all booked up tomorrow doing some whore's weave). I took advantage of this opportunity to go to write at Grub Street, since they aren't open on the weekends. After I got my hair done, I went to Grub Street, did some internetting and some writing, and left about 15 minutes before they closed.

In order to get home, I have to take the train. I got on the train and all of a sudden I heard a boombox and some clapping. There were two black guys getting ready to do some train dancing, which is something I really only ever see when I'm home in NY. One says, "Welcome to the show, 'Dancing on a Moving Train.' Please, if you like what you see let us know. Dig deep, don't be cheap."

First of all, you need to come up with a better title for your "show." You really thought I'd watch you with "Dancing on a Moving Train??" Fuck you buddy.

Second, your sayings weren't that clever. "Dig deep, don't be cheap" and "If you liked the show, let a black man know" did not make me want to give you money. At all. It didn't sound smart, it sounded stupid.

Third, and last, YOU DIDN'T EVEN DANCE! You did a few shuffles in a circle, you moved your beanie hat around, and you then decided to do some FLIPS in the aisle of the train (and train aisles aren't that wide on the MBTA...in fact usually they aren't that wide in America). You shuffled for about 2 minutes TOTAL and hustled some people out of money?? Well, in all honesty, that makes you smart and everyone else stupid, but still. At least produce a quality show next time and I may decide to glance up from my corner priority seat and my book to let a black man know that I appreciate his efforts.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #2

1 week down from Lent. This is probably the first time I've not lashed out on anyone from severe caffeine deficiency. I mean, I drink coffee, but there's nothing like a cold soda straight from the fridge....yea I'm an addict. I have been experiencing a few more headaches lately (which does happen when I go all cold turkey from the cool, crisp taste of a can of Pepsi...drooool).

I haven't written any of my notes yet either. I've been very busy trying to write this contest entry for Grub Street. It's finally done. And even as I sit here, I'm staring at my email, a little afraid to send it. I am a little proud of myself, so I'm hoping this is motivating enough to get writing a whole lot more.

On to Fish Friday's now...

New Lost Theory!!

ManLosch and I got into a conversation during a commercial last night for "Lost." I think we've come up with the best theory so far to explain the show.

• Me: Man I used to love watching Muppet Babies. That cartoon was so fuckin' stupid though.
• ManLosch: Nuh uh, it was just little muppets. Baby muppets. Muppet Babies. I used to watch it.
• Me: I used to hate that we could never see the grandmother, was her name Nana?
• ManLosch: Yea. It's like Charlie Brown too; how we could never see the adults? I thought they were cool, always going on little adventures in the closet and stuff.
• Me: That was just stupid. Gonzo was stupid though, with that nose. He always was doing shit on his own, thinking he could be the boss.
• ManLosch: Oh man...Gonzo is like Sawyer!!
• Me: Whaaaaat?
• ManLosch: Yea! Sawyer is always on his own, exploring things, like a rebel. And Kermit is like Jack. Kermit is the leader, kinda quiet, but he kinda just became the leader.
• Me: So are you saying that Ms. Piggy is Kate?! I don't see Ms. Piggy carrying a gun around getting arrested.
• ManLosch: Well both Gonzo and Kermit wanna jump those piggy bones.
• Me: Good point. Rolph would be Charlie. And who would be Hurley then?
• ManLosch: C'mon Lex. FOZZIE BEAR. C'monnnnnn.
• Me: OMG you're awful Ry. Awful. But it's sooo true. So do you think Animal would be like Ben? Just ruthless, letting his own kid get shot?
• ManLosch: Or the Smoke Monster.
• Me: Maybe this is it Ryan. Maybe we've figured out the secret to Lost. Maybe....
• ManLosch: The Muppet Babies ARE Lost? That when they go into the closet to play, they are really on the island?
• Me: YES! Because when they emerge from the closet, it was all just fake anyway. So this is all a dream. A Muppet Babies play area.
• ManLosch: I think people would be pissed to find out that all this time, we were watching some muppets.
• Me: Ehhh....I think people are already pissed. We want answers. And the Muppet Babies theory is about the best one so far.

LoschDog Is Mucho Musical

So for those that DON'T know, ManLosch and I met in college. And we met in marching band (ok go on...laugh and make your band geek jokes now...I'll wait.......finished?). So for the most part, we're REAL music nerds. So much that we named the tables at our wedding after instruments found in the marching band....and the fight song was played at our wedding..and our programs..ok. Let me just stop now. So the conversation below shouldn't be a surprise to you...(and I can explain it later if you don't get it)

• ManLosch: Jordan, slow down, damn.
• Me: He's thirsty, leave him.
• ManLosch: But that's why he dribbles all over the carpet.
• Me: Do you hear that though?
• ManLosch: Hear what? No?
• Me: Our pup drinks in triplets! 1,2,3,1,2,3 lap,lap, lap, drink, drink, drink.
• ManLosch: HA! He does. You nerd.
• Me: Trip-a-let, Trip-a-let, Trip-a-let....(smiles)

Girl, you WRONG

Look, I know you're all going to think I'm wrong after telling this story, but shit, it is what it is.

So I walked into the ladies room this morning to tinkle. I was in a little bit of a daze. I opened the door, and when you walk into the ladies room, the first thing you really see is the door/opening to the handicapped stall. I looked and saw these frumpy looking black shoes/sneakers and they were quite large.

So I nearly shit myself and almost said out loud "SHIT, did I fuckin walk into the men's room?!" Considering I was in a daze, I really thought I did and almost said "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." But then a woman totally walked out of the stall, looking like she just left Middle Earth. I wanted to sit her down and say "Please let me brush your hair sistagirl and give you some Keds or something."

I'm not the queen of fashion here, but when I walk into the ladies room and think I walked into the men's room???? C'mon. C'MON.

Baby It's (Not) Cold Outside

I don't know if Boston is experiencing a warmer winter or what, but it reached about 50 degrees today at some point. It was so nice that ManLosch and I decided to leave the confines of the apartment and venture the mean downtown streets of Boston (okay, not that mean).  Didn't really have any plans but to walk around and take some pictures, be lazy...the USUAL.

Why did I see all these motherfuckers in shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops????? SOMEWHERE NOT EVERYWHERE, it reached 50, and I'm sure it didn't last. For the most part today, it was in the 40's. Which means, it's still winter. Which means you should be dressed appropriately. So why did we see some whore draggin' her raggedy ass toes in cheap flip flops down Newbury Street? We also saw a group of Latino men walk into a Chipotle in shorts and t-shirts. ManLosch says "I bet $5 they just came from playing soccer. They're actually dressed for it." I said, "No. I bet $100 they DIDN'T come from playing soccer, but that they want you to BELIEVE they just came from playing soccer as an excuse to dress that way in public." ManLosch laughed, but then nodded in defeat because he knew I was probably right.

Look, I know that it's nice to have warmer weather when we all have to bundle up everyday. But it's still not cool to act like it's summertime outside. We live in Boston. And it's February. Please act like it.

Damn Delta Miles

So apparently Delta Airlines threatened me; well not really. I had all these miles I hadn't used and they were about to expire. So I was given the option of keeping the miles by essentially PURCHASING a safeguard for them (um, didn't I do that when I bought the tickets?!) OR getting a shit ton of magazine subscriptions.

If you know me, you know what I did.

Yep. Magazine subscriptions. I did this weeks ago, so of course, I don't remember what I used my miles for, but because I had a decent amount of miles, I got a few subscriptions. So imagine my surprise, since I didn't remember what I checked off, when "Martha Stewart Living" arrived 2 days ago. I'm like, "Oh cool! This is the best way to explore magazines I would have never thought to check out." But today I got "Arthur Frommers: Budget Travel." So my guess is that I may have been drinking when I did these selections, because I distinctly remember being disappointed that porno magazines were NOT an option here.

Ahhh well. Back to learning how to tend to my non-existent garden.

The Adventures of Lenti Losch #1

It's a bird!
It's a plane!

No bitches, it's just me. Welcome to my weekly update on Lent!

First things first: I am not the poster child for all things Catholic and Lent. I feel like ashes on the forehead on a WEDNESDAY mind you, shouldn't be cause to look at me strange and point and say "Uh...you got...wait, uh...." for me to then respond and sigh for the millionth time, "It's Ash Wednesday."  Also, the joke about "You got a little dirt/smudge/shit on your forehead there.." is not funny anymore. I am not the walking PSA for reminding you that you should have gone to Mass. If you didn't even remember it was Ash Wednesday on your own, I can't help you kid. You're on your own...WITHOUT my ashes.

So hey there! Lent. 40 days of sacrifice. 40 days of self-reflection. After this morning's Mass and a good talk with a good friend, I realized that I have ALOT to think about and work on. In addition to some heavy self reflection and meditation, I'm giving up soda. I am also taking on a task! This is new for me. I am going to write 40 notes to 40 different people to tell them something good about themselves. It can be on a Post-It, a letter, anything. Just something to make someone smile. It can be a stranger, family, or a friend. Obviously I expect NOTHING in return, but this is meant for me to notice people more. To notice all the great things about the people that I surround myself with.

Anyway, it's been an exhausting day and it's time for me to relax. 39 days to go guys! Woot!      

It's About To Begin...

The countdown has begun. Lent starts in an hour and a half. 40 days. Are you participating? If so, have you thought about what you're giving up or what you want to do to better yourself?

I will be using the next few months for some self-reflection, and hopefully a ton of meditation. Okay, maybe just a little more than usual. More on my reflections and observations tomorrow. Right now, I gots to get myself to bed in preparation for the next 40 days.

Am I ready? Probably not. But then again, I never am. ;-)

The Olympics, or White People Doing White People Shit

ZOMG.

The Olympics are on. First, let me preface this by saying I am saddened that some dude died while PRACTICING on the luge thing. Let me now say "GUYS, HE WAS ONLY PRACTICING?! NOBODY TESTED THIS SHIT BEFOREHAND?!?!"

And there you have it. 2 weeks of white people doing things that only white people care about. Am I racist? Again, no. I married a white man, which has helped me gain an all-access-granted view into the wonderful world occupied by white folks. The only thing ever interesting about the Olympics are when people fall, trip, fight (not even sure this happens, but I can hope), poison their opponents (maybe back when Greece first started these games? again a girl can hope...), or just utterly wipe out and smack their face against something hard.

ManLosch loves the Olympics. He loves it so much that he DVR's this shit. I'm not sure we've watched normal people tv since the Olympics started a few days ago. What have I been doing since then you ask? Glancing up at the Olympics, looking at the dog, sleeping, reading, writing, sleeping, playing with the dog, laughing at the Asians who took each other out during speed skating, and that's about it. I'm amazed that people can compete against each other over a span of two weeks and people love watching this crap! I watched some of the opening ceremonies and didn't see many black people...did I miss them? I fell asleep right around the time I said, "Aren't those ethnically diverse Native Americans tired of dancing in place yet? They've been dancing for 89 countries now...."

Now, if I were allowed to pick the different events for the Olympics, we might be looking at:
-Hair-weaving: How fast and neat can you put in a girl's weave with minimal breaks?
-Cooking contest: Who can cook a pan of fried chicken, mac & cheese, and collards first? You will be judged on speed AND taste.
-Grey's Anatomy Trivia: Who said, "Pick me, choose me, love me?"
-Wii Bowling: Grab a beer, some popcorn, and see who gets the best score.
-Texting: We all do it. Now who can do it the fastest with no mistakes? Now who can do it the fastest with gloves on? (I mean, it's STILL the Winter Olympics)
-Dance Competition: Whoever is left standing at the end is the winner. There will be all types of genres played to appeal to all participants. Except Taylor Swift.

Also, Kanye West will be at my Olympics to upstage anyone who wins the gold, therefore moving you from nobody to P.Diddy in a matter of minutes. You know you're interested. Now grab your torch and let's go cross country snow luge tubing.

LoschDog Turns 6

My baby is growing up!! Yes he shares a birthday with Valentine's Day, but he also shares a birthday with my father-in-law (Happy Birthday Dad!) and a co-worker of mine (Happy Birthday____). He got some dental chews from his Loschs, played around in the park today while his mama took photos, and got some extra rubs. I also plan on baking him some doggie friendly treats later.

I don't like to imagine the day that he's going to be too old to romp around like he does, so for now, Happy Birthday Jordan. You got a long way to go babe.

Valentine's Day

YUP!
It's another motherfuckin' post about Valentine's Day. And it's another post about someone telling you what they think of the day. So if that's not what you want to read today, peace out. Come back tomorrow, or maybe later today.

So check it: I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's Day. I feel that:
1) It should not be called a holiday.
2) It's too focused on commercialism.

I love my husband. I love my friends. I love most of my family. Why should I buy a card, make expensive reservations, expect chocolates and roses, and diamonds on ONE day? Why should I expect ManLosch to take me out somewhere and spend 20% more on a prix fixe menu? Why do I need a card that sings or a stuffed bear that says "I Love You?" I'd prefer a handmade card, a personal painting, a note.....something that didn't cost a shit ton of money and meant nothing.

ManLosch usually always does something for me for V-Day too. He knows how I feel about the day and knows I'm not a flowers and candy kinda girl. Hell, I was the girl who scheduled herself to take the GRE exam ON Valentine's Day 6 years ago. He's taken me to dinner and spent more than he should have. But he's always done something that lets me know he's listening to me; last year he got me a book about a contemporary art exhibit we saw together in Boston. THAT's love. Showing me you care by showing me that you are in tune with who I am as a person, and that should happen any and every day of the year. Not just today. And we DID go see the movie "Valentine's Day" because it looked like it might be a clusterfuck of a movie with all of those stars in it, but it wasn't bad. My man PD was in it and I had to take in the McDreamy sexy. But at least there were some of the simple parts of Valentine's Day that I miss. Sigh.

Look people, just be smart today ok? Don't buy the overpriced, half dead roses! Fight the man and spend time with the people you love instead of spending empty money on them.
Alright....Valentine's Day rant is OVER. :-)

I Want A Hug...

...but NOT with this:

The Hug-E-Gram

ManLosch informed me that this is what he was getting me for Valentine's Day. It wraps around your body, with those freakishly stuffed Mickey Mouse-type hands. In the video, it even shows a dude using it at WORK. REALLY?! Someone ACTUALLY thought this was a good idea??

Snow Day!

Well, half snow day. We were released at noon. And the snow didn't really start until later, and even now, it's off and on.
What have I done since I got home?  I ate some nasty KFC (and when I say nasty, I mean oh so good because it's oh so bad for me), took a nap, read some of my magazine, slept, and watched the Verizon dude plop around our apartment for over 3 hours trying to fix our TV Guide/Widgets thing. So about 7 people and 50 resets later, it's FINALLY working. His name is Jason ladies and I don't know if he's single, but he does have dogs and has a great sense of humor. We do have his personal business card now too. I think he became a Losch today.
(and yes, I AM pimping out the Verizon guy....it's EXACTLY what it sounds like).

On to more productive things...like cooking, reading more blogs, and hopefully starting some writing tonight. :-)

I Have A Prompt!

I have a writing prompt! So ok, you know how I'm now a Grub Street member? Well I get their weekly emails too, and I noticed that they are having a writing contest. It's called The "Grub Gone...Blue" contest. I can submit a piece of fiction, nonfiction, or poetry, 600 words or less, related to the theme of "blue." So I have to decide what "blue" means to me. It's due Friday February 26th. What do you think????

I'm excited to try it, I think I might. Anyone have any ideas?

Pooh Bear and The White Man

ManLosch and I went on a Jamaican food adventure last night. We waited longer than normal, as 4 black men were conversing very loudly about what they MIGHT order, but still hadn't ordered yet. Behind them, was a white dude who seemed nervous enough that he walked into a Jamaican food restaurant with his Screech-esque sidekick. BMAC is "Black Man At Counter."

• BMAC: Man, I can't wait to get this home and eat! I'm so hungry! (long pause as his other friends shuffle about).
• Me(to ManLosch): Then he needs to hurry the hell up so I can put my order in....
• BMAC: Pooh Bear, Winnie the Pooooooh Bear........
• Me: Ryan, PLEASE tell me you just heard that.
• ManLosch: Heard what?.
• Me: That dude was just singing the theme music to Winnie the Pooh Bear. A grown ass black man. In a restaurant. With 4 of his friends.
• ManLosch: (holds in laughter)Uhhh, NO! I didn't hear that. Ha!
• WhiteDude: (he's next to order and says to the server)Ummm I don't really know how this works....how do I order?
• ManBehindCounter: Just tell me what you want.
• Me(after we finally order and leave): So beyond the Pooh Bear interlude, I've discovered...white people need black people as wingmen.
• ManLosch: WHAT?!.
• Me: White people can't be trusted to know how to navigate things like soul food restaurants, rap concerts, etc. Ya'll need us. Think about it. I introduced you to all of these things, but TOGETHER. It reduces the level of awkward for both parties.
• ManLosch: Hmmmm, I see your point.
• Me: The same can be said for us. We need ya'll so we don't get arrested when trying to attempt certain things. We need you guys to help us navigate white people shit.
• ManLosch: Like skiing?
• Me: EXACTLY.

LoschDog Vs. The Bone

My little old man likes rawhide. And this is what happens when we give him a bone to chew on.

New Digs

Check the new digs. I'm trying it out. Tell me what you think. Or not. :-)

Mr. Bucket

I know you bitches remember Mr. Bucket. Why did I ask 2 people, including ManLosch, about it but no one remembers Mr. Bucket. When you think about it now, that game is SO WILDLY inappropriate for kids..."I'm Mr. Bucket, the balls come out of my mouth....." So is the only reason I seem to be the only one who remembers it? Was I a "balls come out of mouth" kinda kid? Hmmmm.....

Lexi Catches Up On TV

ManLosch teaches a studio on Wednesday nights, so I'm left to my own dangerous devices when I get home from yoga. I decided to finally recap all the TV I've been watching to tell you what I like, don't like, and what I think never really deserved to breathe period (speaking of breathing, some dude was heavy Godzilla breathing in yoga tonight):

Lost: I think Sayid is now Jacob. Or Jacob is Sayid. Whatever. I like Lost. Thumbs up from me.

Heroes: Eh. I don't really watch it that much anymore. I stopped a few months ago, but I did watch the latest one to catch up. Still not drawn in. And apparently Milo Ventimiglia is all strokey for a reason. Yea, I think he had one. Anyway.

Better Off Ted: FUNNY SHOW. I don't think alot of you bitches even know what that is. Go look on ABC.

Grey's Anatomy: 'Nuff said. My favorite show. Seriously.

What's on the DVR to watch? : The Simpsons, Be Kind Rewind, and Alice. Hmm. I think it's time for some new tv/movies, ya'll. Any suggestions?

"Why" Is Dangerous

I ONLY typed in the word "Why" and this is what Google thinks I'm asking????????

My favorites? The last two. Wow people. Wow.

Swift and Crappy

That about sums up what I saw of the Grammy's last night. It should have been called the Shammy's. Or the Shitty's. Okay, I'm going to stop. I've got just a few things to say about it.

The Grammy's do NOT need to be a 3 1/2 hour event. Really? C'mon. Also, was that REALLY the best you could do for Mike J? Like really, you got some singers to come together at the last minute to represent a UNICEF card while they all sang his Earth song? Oh, and the 3-D? AWFUL. I almost threw up from watching it. Mike J needs a better tribute than THAT last minute effort.

Jamie Foxx. Eh. I've heard that the girl who came on stage with Down Syndrome twerkin' it was your sister. I damn sure hope so. Otherwise, let's have a chat.

Taylor Swift. Ok. Let's get something straight. I don't like you bitch. You suck. You get on my nerves. And most people don't like you. So how in the sweet Lord's name did you win Album of the Year???!!? Oh right, I know. Because Kanye interrupted you at the VMA's and placed your sweet little ass on the map. You should have thanked Kanye for that award.

And I'm out.

Creepy People Magnet

I think I've figured out my purpose in life. Jesus placed me on this wonderful Earth to be a creepy people magnet.

So I'm waiting for the bus tonight right? I had just come from downtown to get my hair done and get the last birthday gift for ManLosch. I'm reading while I'm waiting and all of a sudden someone starts talking to me. And it's the dude that collects the shopping carts at Shaw's (grocery store up here). I see him usually when I'm walking to and from the car and I'll normally give a smile and a wave. He's a little....slow? I'm not even sure that's the right word to use. So anyway, I'm reading and he notices me and says hi. I smile and say hi and try to go back to reading. He asks me "Are you reading for class?" I said, "No. I just like to read."

Long awkward pause.

He then says, "I don't know how to read." I think, WHAT? Huh? Wtf? Ok. Okay, am I being tested here? He continues to tell me about how he can't read or really write, but he's taking classes for that and his dialect. From here on out, he told me his entire life story. He's from Africa. His mother and his sister are nurses. He also wants to be an actor and takes acting classes.....

As I retold this story to ManLosch, he laughed and said "Wait, he wants to be an actor? How does he read the script?"
Exactly.

Wait, he's also a back-up dancer. He takes dancing classes in Waltham. And he likes being around educated people. And he likes to draw in his spare time, when he's not working at Shaw's or taking his dialect/reading/writing classes. Or when he's getting a haircut for his Open House for his classes tomorrow. He's also writing a book; it's his life story. And he's acting in a movie about Obama right now and when it's done he's going to give me a copy (and no, I have no idea how he's writing a book about his life if he can't read or write.....)

He talked to me for 20 minutes while waiting for the bus and the ENTIRE bus ride home.
SERIOUSLY. I'm a magnet.

Fantastic Four Airlines

::Watching the craptastic Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Junk....Okay just Rise of the Silver Surfer; we're watching the end where they are in their fantastic Fantastic Four-mobile flying through the air, trying to catch VonDoom and then..........::

ManLosch: "Well that beats flying AirTran."

Lovely Day

And by lovely day I meant "Lexi had a shitty day." And by shitty day I mean I wouldn't feel bad if I tripped a baby climbing onto a pony while I punched the pony trying to save a family of 5 from a burning building.

Do you ever wonder how a good day just spirals into a shitty day without warning? Yea me too. Let me know when you find the answer please.

But the thing that actually made my day? HEARING a woman fall in a store. She was trying on fuchsia high heels (yes fuchsia...because they weren't pink OR purple) and all of a sudden, it sounded like the wall shelf came down. I was like "Who dropped the shoessssss ooooooooo. Wait..." Homegirl was face down on the floor!! Everyone ran over to her and said "Oh My God! Are you ok?" And if you've ever seen the video "Scarlet Takes a Tumble," it was ALOT like that. AAAAHAHAHAHA.

That made my day again. :)

Lex, She's Only 7!

This is how I apparently see the world....and this is why I don't let ManLosch go places without me.

• ManLosch: Some little girl was just creeping around me at the bus stop. Then she asked me "Is that a real Coach bag?" But then she just moved away. Then I noticed she's wearing Coach boots, but I'm not sure they're real the way the toes are peeling.
• Me: Awww. Maybe they r real and just worn. Little black girl?
• ManLosch: No, she's not. After I texted you, she did kick the wall, so maybe they are just worn. Now she's asking about my phone. She's sweet and harmless.
• Me: Be careful. How old?? She might be someone distracting u while someone comes to jump u. And I'm being serious.
• ManLosch: Ha. No, she's with her mom and sister...probably six or sevenish...just chatty.
• Me: Is that bitch flirting with you??????
• ManLosch: Ha...no because she was doing the same thing to another woman. Just talking to anyone who'll listen.
• Me: So she's a hopeful kid whose dreams haven't been smashed yet by the world of people who will ignore her as an adult??
• ManLosch: Sure...ha.

February 2, 2010

LOST FINAL SEASON. Next Tuesday.

This is epic (as Kevin on The Office would say). I love the show, but I'm also ready for it to end, unlike most people. I need answers. And I got tired of all these ambiguous loose threads. We're ready for some answers J.J. Abrams.

I don't care if you've never even watched the show. If you don't watch this final season, Smoky will come get you and drag you back to the island.

Up in the Air vs. Up in the Air vs. Up in the Air

Have you seen the movie "Up in the Air" yet? I saw it back in the middle of December.

It was AMAZING. I absolutely loved it. ManLosch and I went with another couple (T& Eddie) when we were in Miami. We walked out and Eddie said, "MAN! That was depressing." I said, "I loved it!" Maybe because I ride the pessimistic wave of life, I tend to relate to things like that. Either way, I loved it. I loved it so much that I had to read the book. "Up in the Air" is based off the book by Walter Kirn with the same title. I bought it 2 days later.

I NEVER say that I like the movie better than the book....but the book SUCKED. Maybe it's because I was expecting something closer to such an awesome movie, but the only things that I felt matched were the characters names and the main characters job. That was about it. The relationship between George Clooney and Vera Farmiga's characters were COMPLETELY different from the movie to the book. I was not feeling the book...which is a big surprise for me.

Now the soundtrack? Tramazing. I love it. As ManLosch would call it, "Hey, I like that hippie crap you listen to."

Why You Should Watch "It's Always Sunny...."

Waldo, you disappoint....

here's to the future... i need to be fearless.

Ariana Muffington

So my amigo J at work likes to call me Arianna Muffington now...because I write...and somehow, we got into a conversation about the fact that Scott Brown has a muff. Don't ask. Just see our online conversation below(some of the conversation was removed as it was not relevant and it was him sending me links for black tacos at Taco Bell).....

J: i may stay late tonight beyootch

this is brittney

Lex: LOL

ok

im here until 7:15, i have yoga

and then im coming in early tonight

J: lol

coming in early tonight?

ya crazy skank

Lex: sorry

tomorrow

shut ur face dirty whore

J: i sent a picture of scott brown from cosmo to beilman

Lex: WHY?

thats mean

J: he has a HUGE bush in the pic

Lex: WHAT????

J: HUGE!

MUFF!

Lex: thats gross

J: lol

i'm going to print it out and put it on your desk

and call you the new blogger "Arianna Muffington"

"the muff post"

Lex: ew

omg

ew

J: lol!

Lex: for someone who likes men, you are obsessed with muff

J: it's a man muff

Lex: what the fuck is a man muff?

J: a man bush

mangina

a "mussy"

Lex: that sounds stank. like basement stank.

J: lol

i sent you the scott brown pic

to your e-mail

Lex: im not opening it now

J: ok

Lex: i'll open it at 5:30

J: that's why i e-mailed it to you

ok enough bush talk

Lex: go do some work

J: peace out Ariana Muffington

Lex: yo mama

Hope For Haiti

I'm watching Hope for Haiti right now. Most memorable things?

Brad Pitt's goat beard, that apparently according to ManLosch used to have a bead in it.
Stevie Wonder saying "A whole lotta littles makes a whole lotta lots." C'mon Stevie.

Now up until Wyclef Jean (who is performing now), this thing has been a DUD. I feel like I've been at a funeral the whole time. Yes, I understand that it's a somber time, but that means it calls for something uplifting! To give me more hope that they're going to find more people alive. Wyclef at least put a little back into it and made me feel the true spirit of Haiti.

Anyway, now onto 20/20, whose biggest stories after Hope for Haiti are teens who work at Starbucks being sexually harrassed at work and Lady Gaga pushing the limits..........WHAT?

Stop It

Dear Yogis and Yogettes,

Please STOP clapping after we finish yoga!!!! Like I'm not even joking. Stop. It's just weird.

Sincerely,
Concerned yogette-in-training
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Grubbin'

Wanna know just how awesome my in-laws are? Let me tell you:
They bought me a membership to Grub Street in Boston!

What is Grub Street you might ask? Ahh, well let me tell you what Grub Street is dear amigos and amigas. It's an organization for writers in Boston. I can sign up for writing classes and get a discount, use their downtown facilities to write and use their free wireless, take out books, get free publications, discounts at indie bookstores, and much more. I'm so excited for this packet to come in the mail with my membership that I keep checking the mailbox for it.

My hope is that this membership will motivate my ass to seriously write this year. I got the perfect jumpstart with my summer writing class, but now I need to get moving with it. You heard it here first kids. Well maybe not first, but you heard it! Can't wait for the mail to come....cmon cmon cmon!!

The Rabbit!

And no, not that kind of rabbit (not the kinky kind).

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

One of the best movies ever. Sorry. And I'm really not kidding. I LOVE this movie. It's on right now on HBO. I remember seeing this movie in the theatre with my dad when it came out, so naturally, this movie holds a little significance for me. I remember getting the talking Roger Rabbit doll from him where you pulled the string and he said "I know it's raining cats and dogs but I just stepped on a pooooooodle."

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."
"Shave and a haircut.......TWOOO BIIIIIIIIIITS!!!!"

Groundbreaking stuff guys. One of the first live action and animation movies. It's like watching an animated film noir comedy. It's got all of the right elements. It's perfect. I'm gushing. I'm sorry. Hard to believe I still don't own it huh? :-)

Annnnnd back to the movie and my dessert.....

We're Getting A....Pony?

ManLosch and I went to Mass this morning (big surprise, right? well I didn't go last week, so HA! take that). While we're kneeling before it started, I look up and see this very large stuffed pony. Like this little girl was allowed to bring a rideable stuffed pony to Mass. So I whispered to ManLosch, "Did you see the pony?" He's like, "Yes. Srsly? Yes." I couldn't help but track the pony throughout Mass, and I noticed at one point it was being passed down the pew, mosh pit style. We're kneeling again and I tap ManLosch and say, "Do you see it? Jikajgrnkjarng, did you see it!?" He laughs. So I say, "I want one." And the following whispered conversation (while the priest is going through all the parts of Mass) ensues:
ManLosch: Okay, I'll buy you one. But a real one.
Me: I don't want a real one. I want a stuffed one.
ManLosch: No, I'm going to get you a real one. A real pony.
Me: What am I supposed to do with a real pony?
ManLosch: Ride it in the streets. Duh.
Me: Where?? We have a car for that.
ManLosch: What do you think people used in colonial America? How did they get around? Right. Pony.
Me: But where do I park it?
ManLosch: In the driveway.
Me: In the driveway? Next to the rest of the cars? So what happens when the pony gets pissed and kicks the cars? What do you tell the other drivers?
ManLosch: You shouldn't have parked your car next to my pony.

We laugh for a little while because I think for a minute, we forgot we were at Mass. We continue:
Me: Well do you get it inspected like a car? Like how do you take it for an emissions test?
ManLosch: Easy. Take it where you normally take cars.
Me: But how do they test the pony?
ManLosch: Amount of manure it produces. Easy. C'mon.
Me: Okay, well how do you register it?
ManLosch: DMV. Put the license plates on the tail.
Me: Okay, so I'm just supposed to ride this pony to and from work? To the store? Everywhere, all year long?
ManLosch: Yup.
Me: What about when it gets cold?
ManLosch: Again, what did they do during colonial times? Layer up.
Me: What happens when I need to park and it's municipal parking? You know, where you put the ticket in the dashboard to show exactly when you parked? What do I do with the pony?
ManLosch: Tape the ticket to the saddle.

So I'm laughing all the way down the aisle to get my Jeezit and ManLosch leans in behind me and makes a horse noise as we pass the stuffed pony. Once Mass is over and we walk out to the packed parking lot, he tells me one last thing:
ManLosch: See? Wouldn't it be nice if you could walk out of Mass and have your pony just waiting for you? Hmm?.

Celebrate Good Posts C'mon!

It's my 200th post bitches!!!! So I was thinking to myself, or more like talking to myself...out loud..."Hmm Lex, you haven't shared with your devoted readers things that make you totally happy lately." And I replied to myself, "HEY you're right! I should totally share that. Totes. Do it."

So after this not-so-involved conversation with myself, I decided to share, after 200 posts, a few things that have made me completely, and utterly happy.

1. McDreamy AND McSteamy in a movie together (which helps to overshadow that the atrociously horrible Taylor Swift is in the movie and it helps overshadow that the movie is about ::gulp:: Valentine's Day....blech)
2. Belmont Public Library: totally yummy and delicious and free.
3. McSteamy in an episode of Private Practice naked. NAKED.
4. American Idol auditions
4. "Lost": because how ELSE will I finally know the whole truth about the truth?
5. Ohlin's Bakery in Belmont: best Cinnamon Maple Buns EVER. EVER.
6. My Snuggies (yes plural).
7. Laughing today at ManLosch telling me how our dog decided to try to eat some other dog poop in the park today.
8. My new Flip videocamera: I post right to YouTube! It's so amazing. Love it.
9. ManLosch's Coach Messengers Bag dance every time he comes home from using it.
10. All the baby fish that are sprouting up in our fish tank(I think we have very horny fish).
11. Yoga with Jill.
12. The excitement I feel when I cook something new.
13. A hopeful trip to Seattle? (but that's a long time away and many things could happen in between)
14. One of my film pictures posted on Flickr actually being used in a map guide for Miami (score).
15. Jersey Shore (I KNOW I KNOW.....I know. I know. BUT CMONNNNNNN).

Ready for the next 200 posts with me?? You know you are.
Smooches.

Where Are You?

Yes, you. The one who may be reading my blog. Where have all my readers gone? Barely any comments lately, I'm not sure where you all are! Come back! I miss you. I love you. Okay not like that. But seriously. Think about it.

Forever yours,
LaLosch

Exactly What I Needed

I got a letter today! From my good friend Zoe. Well it's a Christmas/Birthday card. The biggest thing about the card? She was shocked that she found this card in the kids section of the cards:

Take another look at it. Go on. Get it? AAHAHAHAHA. I love you Zoe.

She also sent me a few different hand drawn cartoons of shit we used to make up back in the day when we had too much time on our hands.

How happy was I tonight? SO SO HAPPY. :-)

And On Another Note....

Why does Jeff Goldblum play the SAME character in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE?!?!

We're watching Jurassic Park right now, because, well, ManLosch wanted to hear the theme music, and the only time he's turned the channel is to see the score of some playoff game. So we're actually watching the movie, and I'm listening to Jeff Goldblum speak. And about half the lines he's said so far, I've actually heard in other movies. "And there it is."
or
"Must go faster."

SIGH.

Achoo!

Kleenex? Check.

Sudafed? Check.

Soup? Check.

Orange juice? Check.

I'm sick, if you haven't gathered, and thus explaining why I haven't felt like touching a computer the last 48 hours. This is what I've done:

Left work Friday feeling like crap. Went home to read, eat soup, watch a movie with ManLosch, and took some Tylenol PM to knock the crap out of me so I'd sleep without coughing.

Saturday? Went to work at 7:30am so I could leave early. Brought soup with me, Sudafed, and a carton of OJ. ManLosch picked me up, brought me to New England Soup Factory (yum, btw) and then came home. Ate "meal" and then proceeded to fall asleep on the couch. Woke up hours later to go take care of the cats at PetSmart. I felt better then too. But we got home, I showered to open up my stuffy nose, had some soup and a half turkey wrap, some Tylenol PM, and was done for.

Today? No church, slept right through it. Woke up feeling like I got hit by a bus and was only wearing a pair of boxers that belong to ManLosch. I'm sure there is a logical explanation to this, but it's the matter of not remembering how it happened (if you ever want to forget anything, take some Tylenol PM!). Ate breakfast, watched a movie, showered, and I've been sitting in the recliner since. I still look like crap, but I'm clean. Watched another movie since. Ready for bed...........hopefully your regularly scheduled Lex will return soon. Until then...must....kill......cold.

Holy Sh*t

Remember how excited I was about the idea of owning a Snuggie?

Then remember how excited I was when I became the owner of 3 Snuggies in one day?

OMG bitches. I need this:

THE SNUGGLE SUIT.

It's a full length jumpsuit Snuggie. Can you effin believe it?! Holy shit! I need that. I so so need

that. Like I needed it yesterday.

I'd even wear my Snuggie on TOP of the Snuggle Suit. I'm fairly certain that it has a hood too. I mean, just think about it, ok? Seriously.

Seriously.

Do You Smell That?

It's the smell of books. Lots of them. At the Belmont Public Library.

That's right. I'm a nerd. I'm a total book nerd and I LOVE IT. So shut up.
I signed up finally for a library card there, since I had been a huge fan of the Boston Public Library. But mi amiga and co-worker Nora (who also lives in Belmont) got her card a few weeks ago maybe at the Belmont one and said how much she loved it. So after 2 1/2 years, I finally decided to get one. Finally.

And I was so happy I did. I'm such a nerd. Already took out 3 books and-

(WHERE THE FUCK IS COLT MCCOY?! C'mon Texas, I put money on this game........ok I didn't actually put money on this game, but dammit!!!)

Anyway, I also got a DVD. I'm a very proud bookworm and can't wait to read these books...especially one that seems a little strange but it was too freakin weird to NOT have taken it out. Ask me later.

Back to reading (and secretly cursing Alabama to lose..I mean they have the Heisman winner and if the Heisman curse holds true....THEY SHOULD LOSE......ok ok, I'm done).


GoTexas.

Feet, Frogs, and Yoga

There were SO many things wrong with yoga tonight, it's not even funny.

1) Jill wasn't teaching. Nina subbed for her. At least there was no partnering.

2) Nina looked at me and said "Now...I remember your name. Is it Aykesha?" WTF?!?!?! WHAT?! Is that even a real flippin name? SERIOUSLY?!
3) Two women walked in late. Who walks in late to yoga? You interuppted my flow.
4) Two said late women decided to come all the way to back and sit on either side of me, even though there was NO ROOM.

5) The one to my right didn't seem to care that she was all up in my personal Tadasana.

6) While using yoga bands:

Imagine using that, but lying down. Now put the band over your foot like above and stretch one leg up. Now take that leg and stretch it out straight to the side while holding the band. WHY WAS THAT BITCH'S FOOT 5 INCHES FROM MY FACE?! Because I could smell her foot. It was THAT close. It happened a few times. A few times too many.
7) While using the bands for a different stretch, a man sighed out loud with "Ohhh yeeaaaa."
8)While stretching our legs out to the side, Foot Frannie decided to use my mat as her personal foot rest. I took a peek back while doing this stretch:

And I saw her foot on my mat. ON MY MAT. I shifted back a little to hopefully pretend to sit on her foot by accident.
9) While in Frog Pose:

I had the chance to have my feet facing Foot Frannie, so I inched my legs as far apart as I could so she could check out MY feet, maybe smell it a little (I know I know, I'm horrible, but I didn't shove my foot in her face either). Ended up stretching my legs more than I wanted.

And at the end? She didn't even apologize for coming in late and taking up more space than necessary. I about punched her. And when Nina walked by, I could smell her B.O. from also just teaching a Pilates class. And the strange part? I actually had a good workout, even after all that shit. Go Aykesha.

Flip Flip!

ManLosch got me a Flip for my birthday and I've been having way too much fun with it. I will post a video soon that I think I took on my actual birthday. It's of my best friend Marcus and I singing "To Be Real" out loud. Like really loud. And I was drunk. It's real bad.

Actually....let's just include it now.
Enjoy! Or laugh out loud. Or cry.

Bridezillas!

If you know me, you KNOW I love me some "Bridezillas." If you're that in the dark that you don't know what this is, it's a wonderful show on the WE channel. It's pretty self-explanatory. Women who are horrible bitches invite cameras to tape the last week or two of their wedding plans and the day of the wedding. And the shit they do the last 1-2 weeks before the wedding doesn't even happen in real life, so you can thank tv for that part. So this always makes me remember how easy going I was when ManLosch and I planned our wedding. And you can sit there and laugh, but I swear to you, I was one of the most easygoing brides EVER. Go ahead and ask ManLosch. Or my bridesmaids.....go on. Ask. I'll wait.......................................

See? Told you. And to prove to you how laidback I was, here were the things I didn't do:

-Didn't want to wear makeup. Everyone forced me to do it. When I did a trial run with a bridesmaid, I cried when I got home and most of it came off on ManLosch's shirt.

-Didn't choose the flowers. Just said I wanted calla lilies for my bouquet and didn't care what the rest looked like.

-Didn't care what the centerpieces looked like. Let the florist figure it out.

-Tried on 3 dresses. Chose one of them because I was already tired of trying on dresses.

-Didn't care what bridesmaids looked like in their dresses. Size 1 or Size 30. Didn't really care.

-ManLosch chose his own tuxes. Didn't care what he chose as long as he didn't show up in a wifebeater.
-Let the photographer choose the different shots. Wasn't that particular.

-Food? Eh, I figured everyone else would choose what they like.

-Jewelry? Yea, bought it 3 days before the wedding, HA!

-Had a 3-tiered ice cream cake from Carvel because regular wedding cake blows. Saved thousands of dollars.

I know there were some things I WANTED but it never turned into an argument, because they weren't very specific things. I had fun planning my wedding. But watching crazy ass bitches plan their weddings and beat their future husbands? Priceless.

Jersey Shaw

I know. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to disappoint my readers (speaking of...where have you all been?), but I did it. I started watching "Jersey Shore" on MTV. Because it reminds me of how good I have it by not being an idiot with slicked hair and fake boobs on tv. But these people are just freakin HILARIOUS.

So on Facebook, there is an application that allows you to create your own Jersey Shore nickname. I did my name and ManLosch's name. Ahem:

Aaaahahahahahahahaha.

New Year's Decade

I was talking to ManLosch last night while lazily sprawled out on the couch about the New Year. And he mentioned how really, it's just a new year. Bringing in 2010 shouldn't be any different than 2009 or 2008. I mentioned that it was; that so many things have happened for people in our age group to actually remember. Because 1990-2000, well we all were alot younger. Alot of us were still in elementary school at the very beginning. Either way, for a large chunk of us (meaning my friends), we hadn't begun our true adult life.

So many things have happened in 10 years, that I remember (and alot that I don't), that makes it crazy to think that 10 years has gone by! Here are just some of things that I've done, seen, smiled at, cried at, etc:

Left Mount Vernon, NY for Miami, FL. Barely looked back.
Left Miami, FL for Boston, MA. Have looked back. Almost everyday.
Dated. Broke up. Dated. Broke up. Went to the movies. He wore a pinky ring (deal breaker).
Dated again. Broke up. Dated. And this time, I married him.
Ate alot of ramen. Probably my weight in ramen. And alot of Lucky Charms. Dorm life.
Got 2 degrees by 23 years old.
Had some pretty awesome jobs. Had some pretty shitty jobs.
Seen more of the country and world since being with my husband.
Adopted a dog.
Joined a college marching band (because how else would I have met the hubs?)
Joined a college marching band sorority.
Gone through 10 cell phones.
Went to all 4 BCS football games.
Been to 2 funerals in 2 weeks.
Saw the Hurricanes play in the sun. In the rain. In an impending hurricane. And in the snow.
Walked in rain up to calves, barefoot. Walked in snow, up to my calves, not barefoot.
Fell in love too many times.
Connected with my dad. Lost it. Connected again. Lost it. Connected again. Lost it. (Repeat many many times).
Had 2 pet turtles. Had a crazy hamster. Hamster died in his own outhouse (crazy huh?)
Saw Ludacris and danced in the crowd at his concert on campus in a tropical storm.
Learned how to drive. Watched man drive on sidewalk in Miami shortly thereafter.

I'm sure there are alot more. But even just reminiscing about the things I've done in a decade brings back some good memories. I'm actually excited to create some new ones this decade. Hopefully more good than bad. And hopefully ones that will make other people excited too. :)